[Guest]

If we got hit on, we were usually pretty annoyed ... we didn't go for someone to bust up on our party!

Correct, but that's because there's so much riff raff out there. I'd bet, when you're single, if the person who struck up conversation with you or your friends was happy, witty, funny and kinda cute, you wouldn't be so annoyed now would ya?

Now that I'm in a relationship, I would really get annoyed. I think it's pretty disrespectful to hit on somebody without knowing them at all, not knowing if they have an SO, spouse, etc at home.

Really? Doesn't that eliminate a LOT of potential friends/boyfriends?

On that note:
We were out dancing last weekend and man.....The second, THE SECOND I'd leave my girl, she'd have 3 guys on her. It's hilarious to watch her handle it....she does it very well, and I've even seen her get nasty if she has to.

[Livelaughlove]

Answering the base question:
I get hit on all day at work. I don't want to get hit on anywhere else. If I want to hit on a guy, he'll know ... eye contact, smiling, laughing ... it would be mutual.

Very true, It is always the women who makes the invitation. However some are not always so forward, proximity is another that is subconscious or even talking to your friend in a way that may raise the mens focus on you two...

Undercover sex signals by leil lowndes is an interesting read if you wanted to look into more of this.

When I was single, I went to bars with my girlfriends. I went there with them because I wanted to spend time with them! I wanted to drink and dance with my friends, not men. If we got hit on, we were usually pretty annoyed ... we didn't go for someone to bust up on our party!

Most men and women go to bars because its a social setting. Your intention may not of been to be hit on but you put yourself in a position to be hit on.

There is a possibility that you would meet an interesting man...

Now that I'm in a relationship, I would really get annoyed. I think it's pretty disrespectful to hit on somebody without knowing them at all, not knowing if they have an SO, spouse, etc at home.

Do you honestly find it DISRESPECTFUL for a guy to come up to you and start a conversation? If thats the case then how do you make friends.

Every friend you have was once your stranger!

I can see a man flirting with you in front of your boyfriend as disrespectful Granted HE KNOWS he is your boyfriend not just your brother or a male friend.

If every man thought like you did then women would never be approached because "Hey she may have a boyfriend at home!"

Ive approached couples before but I always assume there just brother and sister (if there not holding hands or other body language cues) and simply ask

"How you two know each other?"

Live laugh and love

[Little]

"Hitting on" someone and coming up to talk are two distinct things. People give off good vibes or bad vibes and I read them. It has a lot to do with what LLL said ...
Riff raff versus witty, funny, happy individuals.
Chances are (if I were single) the witty, funny, happy individual wouldn't have to hit on me. I'd hit on him.
I do have a problem making friends with males sometimes. I don't want to let anyone believe I might be flirting when I'm not. It has a lot to do with my own vices and situations that I don't want to put myself in.
"Putting myself in a position to be hit on" is exiting my house or opening the door, seriously. I can't pump gas without somebody driving by and whistling ... even if my boyfriend is in the passenger seat. It's sad. When did it become okay to do stuff like that? Yes, it's trash people who do that kind of thing, but it does put me off of "cold approaches." I don't have a big problem with finding friends via friends. How many friends have you made via other friends? Do they outnumber your friends from "cold approaches?" Mine certainly do ...

[Guest]

"Hitting on" someone and coming up to talk are two distinct things.

Not when you are talking about men. The good ones can disguise it pretty well, but we're still hitting on you.

Chances are (if I were single) the witty, funny, happy individual wouldn't have to hit on me. I'd hit on him.

Agreed.

"Putting myself in a position to be hit on" is exiting my house or opening the door, seriously. I can't pump gas without somebody driving by and whistling ... even if my boyfriend is in the passenger seat. It's sad. When did it become okay to do stuff like that? Yes, it's trash people who do that kind of thing, but it does put me off of "cold approaches."

That is sad isn't it? I see it all the time...the thing is, some women go for that stuff, otherwise guys wouldn't do it.

I don't have a big problem with finding friends via friends. How many friends have you made via other friends? Do they outnumber your friends from "cold approaches?" Mine certainly do ...

Yes, a lot of my friends have been acquired from cold approaches. I like to meet people in settings that show that they share an interest with me: gym/neighborhood/work/school/pool, etc etc.

[OG612]

Time for the doctor to get to work...

OTYA, I'm not quite 30 myself, brother. 27 if you're curious. And harem management doesn't have to involve trickery or deceit. It is entirely feasible to be dating multiple women at once, them all knowing about, and whom, each other are, and socialize knowing what's going on without any hard feelings. It's all in how you present the situation.

The fact is That person you meet at a bar is the same person who is standing behind you at the grocery store.

And how often is that "guy at the bar" going to do the same kind of stuff during the day?

PUA: Oh, man! I don't have my peacocking gear on, I left my cheat sheet in my other jeans, my hair isn't gelled and spiked... Next time, dude. Next time.

Only problem is that, just like tomorrow, that "next time" never comes.

The venue is not whats important!

True.

Geek = socially inept person a social outcast

Couldn't put a positive spin to that word? Try this:

Geek: A shy person who oftentimes lacks the desired set of social skills in order to have the life he desires.

Player = Confident, attractive social person

Negative. It all depends on the person.

The amount of work and dedication that it takes to transform yourself into a Confident social person if your an outcast is so overwhelming that most people would rather be stuck.

Not so. It's incredibly easy to adopt a positive frame of mind about yourself and make the "necessary" transformation to become the Lothario you feel you are destined to be.

So for you to say "BIG WHOP" Just goes to show the resentment you have
and most likely you require change yourself!

OUCH! What's with all the negativity, brother? Didn't your mother ever tell you to treat girls nice?

A typical person has multiple personas. They have one persona for there family, one for work, one for friends, and the one they have for themself is COMPLETELY different from all the others!

Not these days. Maybe out east, but in the Midwest, you are who you are. I'm just the same as I am in front of my family (toned down a bit around my mom since she's real conservative), as I am my friends, as I am at work, as I am with myself.

So how can someone be their self

By being their self. If they're true to who they are, then that's all that they'll ever be. And that's a good thing.

The solution is BECOMING the person you WISH you were.

So in order to become Mack Daddy Smooth, I have to quit playing World of Warcraft, turn in my library card, and alter my entire wardrobe?

It's called "breaking the mold" or "shattering preconceptions". I just recently quit playing WoW because it was too repetitive for me. But because I'm OG, worthy playboy, I can't have something like that going on in my life and not be proud of it?

In your journey to become that person you will almost always find that its actually not what you wanted, but in your search you will find all the necassary tools to let go of outside influences and what others think of you becoming what you always were.

Why do you have to "let go" of who you are? You're then betraying yourself. When you betray yourself, you're not being true to your self. If you're not being true to your self, then how can you become what you feel you're worthy of being?

You actually have to live this to understand what I mean. It takes years of personal growth!

Then why does the average "PUA" peak his game after just a few months? They all hit the same plateau of "success" as each other. They're happy with what they're getting, so keep evolving?

Not growing as in illusion! If your not growing then your dying!

Not necessarily. There will always be the summit upon the mountain for one to reach.

Money: If you are not investing,
and your money is sitting under your mattress.
It's losing value because of inflation.

But a million dollars is a million dollars regardless of whether it's cash stuffed in a mattress, or sitting in a bank account. It has nothing to do with inflation.

Social Life: If you are not starting new relationships
or developing existing relationships,
ALL your relationships are slowly fading away.

That's why you conduct "maintenance" in this area. I know people who have been friends for 30 years and nothing has ever changed between them.

This idea is related to something called "Opportunity Costs"
where one choice necessarily bears the cost of
not being able to choose any other choice.

What?

The "so what" to this idea is that we need to stop complacency.
There is no complacency.
Complacency is a myth.

Tell that to the teacher who's been on the job for 30 years and hasn't changed her lesson plan in 17. If it works... why change it?

There is no stasis,
so stop fooling your self with lies to your self like,
"It's OK - I'll stay in my Comfort Zone"
It's not OK.
Your Comfort Zone is a lie.
Your Comfort Zone is not safe.
Your Comfort Zone is dangerous.

Actually, this kind of talk is dangerous. It's called the "Comfort Zone" for a reason. We all need our own little "retreat", if you will, to a place where we know is safe and familiar. By not having a comfort zone, then nothing will bring about that sense of security we as human beings need to survive.

A very serious but radical re-frame is required.
Your Comfort Zone is actually hurting you because it is disallowing the opportunity of action, and especially the proven fruits of repeated, deliberate, focused, constantly improving action."

Quite the Negative Nancy, aren't we? I love you, brother, but you need to get out of Mystery's church.

OG

[OG612]

Everything in life has a moment where it no longer beneficial to you! There is no PRESENT! Evey second that passes by is in your past, every second in front of you is in your future.

Actually, there is only the present. "Now is the moment of power." Hawaiian proverb.

Tomorrow never comes and yesterday's gone with the wind. All that we have is the HERE and NOW. Just because a second ticks by on the clock isn't reason or cause for concern. It's merely alerting you that, regardless of what time it is, you are in the present, because that's all that there is.

OG

[ThexMrs]

The fact is That person you meet at a bar is the same person who is standing behind you at the grocery store.

The venue is not whats important!

The venue is not important, exactly... In some ways it is. He may be the same guy at the grocery store but typically when you meet a guy at a bar (from my experience) they're completely different than any other time of the day. They aren't going to act the same way in the grocery store than they would at the bar. There is a difference.

1. Geek = socially inept person a social outcast
Player = Confident, attractive social person

That's not 100% true. That's the problem with labels. Being a geek doesn't mean that you are socially inept or a social outcast. I have a friend who refers to himself as a geek because he likes computer games and other things that people consider geeky. He's tall, built, very handsome, has tons of friends and is a total socialite.

A player doesn't mean that you are social, good looking, etc. A lot of times a person who is cocky, considers himself a player and is social is also the same person who is lacking the confidence and uses this as way to exude something he/she wishes they were. They're hiding from something.

So for you to say "BIG WHOP" Just goes to show the resentment you have
and most likely you require change yourself!

The fact that society even makes him feel the need to change who he is just shows how completely effed up the world is. He should be confident in who he already is. If he wants to make improvements upon himself then that is great but he shouldn't do it because he feels that he isn't what society claims is "popular demand."

Resentment, not at all. Not even close. I've always been popular, pretty, out-going for the most part. I've never had to change who I was though either and I never would. Sure, there is always room for improvement in all of us. None of us are perfect, Everyone can use a little work. I just say, don't do it because you think it's what people want from you.

I'm not going to quote OG but I agree with basically a lot of what he said.

[LanaBear]

Man - page 3 is overwhelming right now. I think I have to reread when I'm in a different state of mind.

[OG612]

EGO ALERT!!!!

I'm not going to quote OG but I agree with basically a lot of what he said.

Thank you, darling. It never gets old hearing that kind of stuff.

OG

[ThexMrs]

EGO ALERT!!!!



Thank you, darling. It never gets old hearing that kind of stuff.

OG

Lol... You're quite welcome honey.