[Amber]

WC, the kissing on the body probably would be nice because I shiver there with his touch. But kissing on the lips is the problem. I can't guarantee him that the help will work for the kissing on the lips. I can pretty much guarantee that the nervousness will go away because I know I can beat that.

I'll try what you say in a few minutes. I don't know if it will work for me right now anyways, I'm too tense.

[Amber]

Is there a way I can get in touch with ItsASecret that may alert her to look at this post? I posted on her profile but I don't know if she is alerted when this usually happens. When I say contact, I mean something like a PM or personal message that alot of boards have that you usually notice when you log in or check your email.

[LanaBear]

You need 30 or 33 or something like that to be able to PM. If you posted on her page, she will get a notification when she logs in.

But you only have about 4 or so posts to go to turn green.

[WildChild]

You need to have 33 posts to PM. Why not go play a bit in the lounge? You can up your post numbers quickly that way

[Texinator]

He thinks if I don't get fireworks when he kisses me on the lips, then we don't have chemistry

Under normal circumstances maybe, but you've also got your anxieties to contend with.

A kiss on the lips is extremely intimate. Depending on whom you ask, for some people it is even more intimate than sex. It therefore makes sense that your feelings shut down during such an intimate act because your mind is still not open enough to the idea of such a pleasure and then your nervousness gets in the way.

[WildChild]

Under normal circumstances maybe, but you've also got your anxieties to contend with.

A kiss on the lips is extremely intimate. Depending on whom you ask, for some people it is even more intimate than sex. It therefore makes sense that your feelings shut down during such an intimate act because your mind is still not open enough to the idea of such a pleasure and then your nervousness gets in the way.

Good observation. It is possible, at least for women, to orgasm just from kissing. It can be far more intimate than intercourse.

It is very likely that as Amber opens up and trusts (him and herself) more she will find kissing very pleasurable.

[Amber]

You have a point there Tex but I'm not sure he would believe it. I will mention it though.

I'm so mad right now. You should have seen the email I just sent him. If he ends it after that I don't really care. He had his mind made up 99 percent tonight anyways. But then he supposingly always thought my temper was sexy! He just never had it used on him before. I use to tell him wait until that day happens and see if you still like it.

I'm starting to believe that all he saw of me was the pretty young chick to have sex with. Remember for ten years he had a woman ten years older than him. And on more than one occasion he has told me that he liked that he was with a younger woman now. Even one time he said I was his prize, only to later on when I commented on it, he said no I was his treasure. Yah right!

Even though I'm in my mid 30's, I'm always told i don't look over 20. He liked that. When he found out that the sex wouldnt be perfect, even though it is pretty wonderful on his end (or so he says) and I am satisfied with what sensations he can give me, I don't mean anything to him. That he could easily just end the relationship. I'm just so disgusted. And all of this surprises me because he is very sweet, kind, giving, smart and has a good sense of humor. I was fooled by all of that.

[WildChild]

Sounds like you've gone preemptive. You don't know what he was wanting to say. What's done is done. For the future you should keep in mind that you need to let people say what they have to say rather than making assumptions and nailing them for your expectations of what they might say or do. You may have been right as to what he was thinking but now you'll never know.

This is a sensitive and high stress issue for you and you are being amazing in your efforts to change! It's great. Stay focused on the fact that you are doing this for yourself! And that is exactly as it should be, you are a sexual being and deserve to have wonderful responsive sex. Keep on it!

[Texinator]

Amber, at least your anger shows that you do care about him. Maybe he'll take that into consideration.

Try to be patient with each other. He needs to realize it might take a while for you to open up sexually, and you have to keep in mind that this can frustrate him as well and he might need some time to learn how to deal with it.

[Amber]

Tex, he is ready to end this. Today is the day he makes his decision if he will or not. That was the discussion on the phone yesterday. When we were talking on the phone, no matter how much I tried, he couldn't understand that it doesn't matter to me that I may not be able to feel anything with his kiss, not when the rest of my body is so sensitive to his touch. And as I said before, if the case was that he wasn't feeling anything, then I could understand his point but he is very happy with what he feels when he kisses me. He has the fireworks. Let him kiss every other part of my body if he wants and I'm more than happy to kiss him on the lips if he wants. But for some reason all of his patience is suddenly gone when before he had so much.

WC, I probably shouldn't have jumped the gun and said what I assumed but it was almost pretty final when we hung up. He knew what he believed. He just wanted to sleep on it.

After I started to think about it, I got mad and I wanted him to understand what I was feeling. And if he is the guy I originally thought he was, then the email I sent him will effect him to react as I hope. If not then he is not the guy I believe he was. And if he ends it just because he is mad at what I said to him, then he had no real feelings for me.

The email I sent to him last night, I referenced another email I had sent him when I was away on vacation. I had accused him of not missing me and I should just send him a blowup doll for him to watch the football game with. He had emailed me back saying that he very much missed me. And I was so much better than the blowup doll. The message was very sweet and touching. I believed he really cared for me.

I don't think it is right to post that email he sent me online but I am going to post the letter that I sent him last night. If he gets mad by it, then he can stick it. I haven't heard from him yet but that doesn't mean anything. If he wants to end it, then so be it.

One other thing I would like you to think about for when we meet tomorrow. And I mean really think about it. Then you can tell me if this is how you really feel or not.

You know maybe you would have been happy with a motorized blowup doll. Because I'm starting to feel that all you ever saw of me was a pretty, younger woman that you would have sex with. I was your prize as you put it once, not a treasure like you tried to tell me afterwards. Not that I need to be a treasure either. After being with a woman that was ten years older than you are, you finally caught the young chick.

Please read what you wrote below from before. I believed this but now that I read this again, maybe you just meant that you liked my real body and not plastic. I guess I could have misread it because I was a fool to actually think you cared about me. If you really cared for me, for actually me and not just my body, I don't see how the kissing on the lips should be that earth shatter to you. Not when you have the fireworks yourself and not when there are so many other things you can do to give my body pleasure during sex. I guess I'm stupid but I really liked you for yourself and not for just your body. I love you for your kindness, your sense of humor, your giving, and sweet, understanding, and there is brains up there also. I love you for yourself. What I'm understanding from you from the conversation that we had tonight is all you care about is that I'm younger than you, that you are satisfied with my looks, and that we would be having sex. And because you can't shatter my world with a kiss on the lips, even though you can make the rest of my body shiver all over and easily make me feel loved, it is not enough. I mean nothing to you if I can't feel it on the lips and this relationship is worthless to you. If that is all I mean to you, then I guess you are not the guy I thought you were. I was such a stupid fool.

You have no patience with me to give me a chance. I warned you that I was practically a virgin. The only reason why the relationship lasted so long was because another woman was in your house so you couldn't get me in bed to check me out. I wish I knew sooner how important it was to you that you rocked my world in every sense of the friggin world, otherwise I would mean nothing to you.

I so much wish that you can tell me this is not true tomorrow because I do have real feelings for you. It would be nice to know that you feel even half of what I feel in return.