[Texinator]

Here is a good example of what the brain is capable of:

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/sex/19672-fear-intimacy.html

[WildChild]

WC, are you asking me this, or are you just saying what you would have thought? I'll take any techniques that I can take but I'm guessing it takes two for these techniques.

When I read my story, I kind of think it has to do with having no knowledge whatsoever about all of it or having no exposure to any of it. Is all of this something to be learned or should my body just know how to react naturally without any thoughts of how to act from me?

I'm saying that would be my response to one of my kids talking about french kissing. You body may react "naturally" but to be a really good or exceptional lover, for most, requires training and experimenting, as it doen with mastering anything. I love giving the LOML BJs, I'm pretty good at it but I keep working on getting better. I'm a really good seamstress, I work at getting better at that too.

I've considering writing romance novels, the publishers have very specific requirements, lists of acceptable terms - they know that their audience is largely, sexually frustrated women with somewhat limited experience. If you would like a little better perspective try Jean Auel's books. I like her attitude!

[Amber]

I guess that could be part of the problem but I would be surprised if it was. I'll let the sex therapist figure that out. But over the years, when I was dancing, I was just wishing to kiss. But no guy ever came into the picture. And then since, then there has only been a few. A guy that I met from match.com kissed me and all I remember was not that I shouldn't be kissing. Well, maybe I was thinking should I be doing this on the first date. I'm not really sure. But what was first in my mind is I haven't kissed in over ten years. Am I doing it right. That was on my mind the entire time I kissed that guy.

Then it was the guy that I lost my virginity to. Maybe I was thinking it was wrong, I don't really know. But what I know I knew was I was finally get rid of my virginity but then once again, was I doing it right.

And now my ex. I can definitely tell you as far as I know, I wasn't thinking that it was wrong. Well, we were in public on a street corner so maybe I was. I honestly can't tell you for sure. But I'm certain I was afraid that I was doing it wrong. And then times when were in his house, my mind was usually on something else. Afraid of the sex to come or wondering if I was kissing right. My mind was never on the actual kissing. Was it because there was no spark, and I wasn't motivated, i don't know. if my mind was relaxed enough and stopped worrying about everything, and just enjoy what was happening with him, could there have been a spark. I would like to think so but I don't know for sure. And I don't think I will ever know if it could have been good or not because he didn't stick around to figure that out. Yes, he had other issues to deal with but it was the lack of spark that got him into motion. If he cared enough for me, I would think he would have tried to work through this. Even if it was after his space. i told him to look me up but he wasn't too crazy about that idea. Because of the lack of spark. He refused to analyse that. He just thought what he wanted to. No spark must mean no chemistry and there are no if, ands, or buts about it. He couldn't get over that. That really hurts. He said well you never know what can happen. It was just him again telling me what he thought I wanted to hear to shut me up. Let him be gone if he doesn't care enough about me to try.

I'll read that link later Tex. I have to get ready for a single event that I'm going to. I'll let you guys know what the sex therapist says tomorrow. I have a noon appointment.

[Amber]

WC, it is funny that you mention Jean Auel as a good source of read because her books was the very first books that I read with sex scenes in them. I had to read Clan of the Cave Bear as a high school assignment and because I liked it, I decided to read the second book. I forget if that was the Mammoth Hunters or what but that was a definite eye opener for me. I was like what the!!!! lol But she had only so many books. I read her last book only a few years ago and it dragged for me. I could no longer take all of that medical talk.

I'm off to bed. Hopefully tomorrow proves to be interesting.

[Texinator]

I think you'll have an interesting session.

[Amber]

I just read that link Tex. That poor woman. There is no doubt that she would have problems to deal with after that upbringing. She can't even take a guy touch her. That is so sad.

[Amber]

People say if you kiss someone and if you don't feel anything, you do not have any chemistry with that person. Bull!!!

My therapist told me the butterflies, heart beat increasing, and what ever the other feelings people get from kissing is a form of arousal. She said there is no reason why I couldn't receive those feelings from my ex's kisses. But my mind needs to be in on it. So, let see, my mother saying I'm a tramp and the wonder if I'm doing this right, is in the back of my mind, then how on earth am I suppose to expect to feel anything!!! When I learn how to relax and just focus on the guy, there is no reason why I can't feel it. It is the feelings that someone has for the person that creates the arousal. The excitement of what is to come. The term chemistry, the way people believe it, is a farce. Chemistry makes someone think that there is something in yourself that makes you either have chemistry or you don't with a certain person. Something you can't control. But you can easily control it all. It just depends on what your mind tells you.

So if I had looked at my ex, appreciate how cute he is, know how crazy I am about him, completely relaxed and focused on him, there should be no reason why I don't get aroused by him. Since I never relax, when I'm having sex, I probably have never been aroused before, at least not that I know of. But my ex found me wet down below. I may not have known it but his touch all over my body must had caused that. Either that or him touching below because I didn't do that on my own.

The question is if I brought this to my ex, would he believe me? My therapist said to bring him in and she would explain it all to him. I really don't think I could get him to go with me.

Well. at least this is good news for me when it comes to the next guy that comes my way.

[Amber]

Another thing I forgot to mention is she said it is a good sign that i can feel pleasure when I'm touched on my hands, arms, and legs like he use to do. At least that proves that I can feel pleasure. It is just that my mind needs to be in on it. I remember when he use to touch my hand and arms, I was focused on him and it did feel good. My mind was in on it then. If only I could concentrate on the kisses and they could be so good also.

[WildChild]

Getting wet is part of arousal and the feeling of tingling, fluttering and tightness are also mostly likely an anticipation and arousal. Studies that monitor brain and body response have found that many women can be aroused and even orgasm without being aware of it. Essentially their brain is sexually disconnected from their body.

Sounds like your therapist and I think alike!

[Guest]

Amber you schedule something with your GP yet?

I'm not one to "medicate" things, but I have a hunch on this one.