[mm1991]

G&S is right it does appear you are infatuated with him.

The balance of probablity in western society is not in your favour.

You may be well suited now but when you want kids in 10 years he will want to put his feet up and chill

You're young and hot he's considered and mature. Enjoy it as a temporary thing, learn from him (sex, attitude to life and contentment), then you can both move on as friends and say it was good but it's time to move on.

Unfortunatly I think you are in too deep emotionally already to look at it like this.

Thanks Futureboy, glad to have a male opinion too.

I know the society as a whole will never accept it. I think we both know we are not going to be together in 10 years. Even two years would be a great success and that is IF we ever even start it for real. I think we both know we are not a good match to have kids together.

You are right, I am in deep emotionally and of course it clouds my judgment. That's why am I on here needing help. Please don't give up on me

I think you have already decided to go through with it you just want some support. No one hear is going to judge you. They will be help if you go through with it if you get burned. Good luck either way.

PS I am dead jealous of him and I am way off 45

If I have decided, I am not aware of it. It is possible even though I THINK I have not. Thank you for the kind words and support and btw why are you jelous of him? Is age the only important thing? You don't know anything about me except my age. I might be really ugly and fat and stinky lol.

[KMonte85]

Never knew the difference between "infatuated" and "in love". Even the dictionary descriptions are similar.

Love if far more deeper and emotional than infatuation. There is commitment, a dynamic for relationship growth and intimacy. Infatuation can be an intial stage of love, but is much more superficial in that there is really no expectation of loyalty, trust, commitment... your thoughts and maybe your world revolves around someone. You have blinders on. It seems that all the world pales in comparison to this persons looks, talents, intelligence, creativity, etc. Love has the characteristics of infatuation - but with a whole lot more reality mixed in. Not the sneaking around, being naughty, cheating on SO's. It is a true loyalty, a tenderness, a friendship, a bond...

As for the boyfriend it occurred to me I didn't think about him once. May be I should dump him instead

If you have not even considered your boyfriend, then yes - it is time to let him go. Whether or not you continue your relationship with the older man, you've just made clear here that your boyfriend is low on your totem pole of concerns. Allow him to find someone who is better for him, which will also allow yourself to move on to someone else who can keep your interest.. whoever that may be.

As mentioned before he said that I am "the most amazing person he met in years". Like many, I too had boys saying all sort of things just to get into my knickers. He seems genuine but I appreciate that he could simply be a better liar, lol. As for the ego, yes, it is possible and about making him feel younger he actually said something like that, like he feels younger and full of life when he is with me. But is this bad? He gives me so much, where is the sin if gets something back? Even I feel younger, like I am 13

I'm sure you're a breath a fresh air to this guy! I'm sure he loves the attention as much as you do. buttttttt, this is one of the most classic lines of bull out there. Take what you have at face value. if you're so amazing, why sneak around? Have you met his friends, his family, his mom? Probably not. Who would keep such an amazing person a secret from the people who matter in his life the most?

I sure hope you don't feel like a 13 yo when you're with him... That's some Roman Polanski action and its gross....

Why would it be sooooo bad if we spent say a year together and had great time. Even if we have to hide like criminals or something. The thought of me going back to my "normal" life feels so boring now.

No - so long as you take what you have at face value. You're not in a relationship with this guy. You're in a lustful infatuation with each other. The chances of this thing ever working out long term are are slim to none. If you enjoy his company and his talents in the sack, then keep seeing him. But lose the boyfriend. Also, this comment makes me think that the excitement of it being a "secret and naughty rendevous" is as much a part of the attraction for you both as the sex is. It's probably going to get old for one or both of you... but hey, if you're having fun - have fun! Just don't let yourself fall too hard.

[mm1991]

He can't introduce me to anyone just as I can't introduce him. It's the society thing. Like not so long ago a white girl with a black guy. It doesn't mean it's wrong, it just means is not acceptable.

We have some mutual friends but they are not suspecting anything.

[KMonte85]

You're nearly 19 - a full blown adult who can do whatever she pleases. Sure society frowns on these types of relationships - mostly because of the idea that the poor young girl is being taken advantage of by the old dirty perv....

but there is no law that says you two can't be together. It's perfectly legal and you both could be a bigger part of each others lives if you wanted to, its just a choice you two made to keep it secret as its easier (and naughtier )

[mm1991]

Yes, true.

But I am scared.

[Futureboy]

Thanks Futureboy, glad to have a male opinion too.

I know the society as a whole will never accept it. I think we both know we are not going to be together in 10 years. Even two years would be a great success and that is IF we ever even start it for real. I think we both know we are not a good match to have kids together.

You are right, I am in deep emotionally and of course it clouds my judgment. That's why am I on here needing help. Please don't give up on me




If I have decided, I am not aware of it. It is possible even though I THINK I have not. Thank you for the kind words and support and btw why are you jelous of him? Is age the only important thing? You don't know anything about me except my age. I might be really ugly and fat and stinky lol.

I am sure you are lovely

Hope what ever you decide, no one gets hurt.

Good Luck

[Guest]

well if you are just looking for a fling, I am sure he'll give you a good run.

much more than that, nah. he'll say all sorts of things but when push comes to shove the only thing a 20 year old and a 40+ year old will probably have in common is just sex.

not saying it couldn't be fun, but why give up someone who is closer to yor age and serious about you?

[rcoreyus]

I don't think a relationship with that big an age difference can last well. But - if you and he both REALLY understand that it is short term and just for fun, that could be OK. He can enjoy being with a young hot (I'm assuming) girl. You can enjoy being with an established powerful (in some senses) man.

What I worry about though is that one or both of you won't really belive it is short term. Maybe you will get pregnant. Maybe he will get upset if you leave. Maybe you will stay together so long that you feel it is permanent. This works when you are 30 and he is 56, but when you are a healthy active 50, he may be a nursing home patient at 76.

I would advise against it.

[WildChild]

This is such a conditional thing, there are some well known couples with significant age differences who seem to be making it last, Harrison Ford and Callista Flockheart come to mind. They are both successful in their own right and that does put it in a different perspective.

[mm1991]

I've read again all the posts and I thank you all for your help. I can't talk to anyone I know about this so it really means a lot to me.

I've also read all my posts and I am a bit ashamed. I come across at times as irrational self centred spoiled brat. I am not usually like that. I am sorry. I have always been sensible, had good grades etc. It just feels like I am alone against the whole world right now, which puts me on defensive. I am in real turmoil too - which makes me rather emotional. I don’t eat nor sleep properly.

You guys helped me to realise how little my bf means to me. He is a very popular guy, plays in the band, we had great times going out but he also drinks too much at times and is self centred, especially in bed. I have come to realise I have no feelings for him. When I get back to UK I will break up with him, decision made. The worst thing about breaking up with him is actually nothing to do with him but with the fact that 20 immature, hormone laden shallow, spotty apes will keep trying to take his place. And I really, really don’t need that right now. And for as long I am officially single I wont be able to get rid of them. But it could be worse, so…

As for John (please call him John not older guy), I have made up my mind too. May be as Futureboy said, I’ve done it even before my first post, only I didn’t know it yet. May be I just needed someone to tell me it’s OK. May be I just needed to talk to someone. Anyway, I can’t imagine not being with him. It would be like winning the lottery but saying no I don’t want it as it will change my life. He can have any, well almost any, women he wants but he is happy with me and I am really happy with him. He understands me as no one ever did, may be including myself. He looks into my eyes and he looks into my soul, I feel like I am naked floating in the Universe. When he holds me with his strong arms I feel so safe and then he kiss my neck and I feel so week. Always considerate, always asking me what I want, never pushy. We enjoy talking and can talk about anything and he knows so much stuff it’s amazing. I could write about him for ever and I still wouldn’t do him justice.

I would love to take him to my parents, to show him off to my friends but I know it’s never going to happen. We will be hiding like criminals instead. Just because he is older. This secrecy is not adding spice to it all as someone suggested, it makes me very anxious and upset. What we have is beautiful yet we have to keep it secret and be ashamed of it. It is just not right.

I don’t know where it’s going to take us but one can enjoy the journey even if the destination is unknown. I know it’s not a long term thing and I am sure he knows too. We are not going to have children or anything. Don’t know how long it’s going to last but the pressure of secrecy and other problems associated with it will make last shorter than it should, I’m sure. But right now we are right for each other and that’s that. Can’t wait to get back and see him.