[KMonte85]

Also, since the is the 2nd time you've been in this situation, I would suggest that you take heed of what the officer said and stop giving your cell number out to these guys. Granted, I'm not exactly savvy on the process of online dating, so maybe that is part of the whole thing - but then, could you buy one of those cheap pay-per-minute track phones and use that # to talk to these people until you have a better idea on if they're a creeper or not?

Don't forget the phone number search can work both ways. You can find out an approx. location of where he is by searching his number. He can do the same to you. Unless you have a track phone, which are nearly impossible to find a location for.

It just seems like this could become a pretty awful and scary pattern if you don't change something about what you're doing...

[Magnetism]

Also, since the is the 2nd time you've been in this situation, I would suggest that you take heed of what the officer said and stop giving your cell number out to these guys. Granted, I'm not exactly savvy on the process of online dating, so maybe that is part of the whole thing - but then, could you buy one of those cheap pay-per-minute track phones and use that # to talk to these people until you have a better idea on if they're a creeper or not?

Don't forget the phone number search can work both ways. You can find out an approx. location of where he is by searching his number. He can do the same to you. Unless you have a track phone, which are nearly impossible to find a location for.

It just seems like this could become a pretty awful and scary pattern if you don't change something about what you're doing...

The vast majority of people in the online dating scene don't act anything like this. I've been on 20+ dates, and only 2 have acted strange for being rejected. The 1st guy was someone from a year and a half ago. People give their numbers out to people they just met at parties, bars, coffee shops, etc. What makes online dating any different?



Joey- I've known rape and incest victims that go to the cops and get blamed for it. It's no surprise to me that this cop has acted this way, and it was very insensitive.

Intuitively, I know this guy will back down and chicken out.

[Little]

Kmonte, that's a crock of poo - blaming the victim for being the victim. People don't ask to be harassed, assaulted, raped, etc. There's nothing that they "do" to "make" them a victim. They're just an unfortunate side effect of somebody else's sickness.
Hopefully it never happens to you, but there's always the possibility that tomorrow a creeper neighbor will find out your name, look you up in the campus phone book, start calling the land line you never use, find you on facebook (privacy settings, first name 100% different than your legal name and all,) and start commenting creepily on your life from the outside. I don't know, something tells me I never asked for that, I just wanted to feed stray cats and be cold but cordial to the neighbors. Not get stalked by somebody who wanted to marry me. Still follows me around if he sees me, two years after the fact.
I move often enough, and live in small enough communities that, it wouldn't matter to me whether I ticked off the police. If I intended to stay in the same place for a while, I might not be so corrosive (but knowing me, I probably would be anyways ) These types of people in general - not just law enforcement - are one of the reasons why victims don't come out about their (would-be) attackers, and that's why so many get away with it. It's sickening, and people like him need to be punished ... but you run into the "blue wall." I'd rather run into that wall a hundred times rather than let some sick, misogynistic SOB continue to be on the force if I can help it. You never know - his supervisor could be the same sick way, or s/he could be an actual human being. It's worth a shot, in my book.

[Joey]

Joey- I've known rape and incest victims that go to the cops and get blamed for it. It's no surprise to me that this cop has acted this way, and it was very insensitive. [/QUOTE]

Yeah totally , i can see why your hacked off. It is totally insensitive. you would like to think that you could go to the police with any worry or query you might have, regardless of how 'unimportant' they may see it as. They are there to protect us - so they should crack on and do so.

[WildChild]

The police response may seem out of line and this type of response is not uncommon from all sorts of people, blaming the victim is a good way to avoid dealing with stopping something or feeling like it could happen to you and it provides a strange rational for why these things happen. However bear in mind that the cops have limited budgets and resources and just as doctors have to deal with hypchondriacs, the police deal with attention seekers and all sorts of odd balls. Ultimately you have to always try to act in your own best interests and be vigilantly self protective.

[KMonte85]

Kmonte, that's a crock of poo - blaming the victim for being the victim. People don't ask to be harassed, assaulted, raped, etc. There's nothing that they "do" to "make" them a victim. They're just an unfortunate side effect of somebody else's sickness.

I didn't intend to blame the victim at all, I identified a pattern of trouble that these creepers are causing, and came up with a solution. I think the officer had a good idea, could he have stated it in a more sensitive way? Sure. Could I have said the same thing in a better way? Sure, but I'm no Shakespeare so you get what you get.. Sorry Panera, if I didn't make myself clear... you did not "ask for it" - to be harrassed, frightened, threatened - no way, it wasn't your fault that these guys got out of control.

All of the men I have dated I knew through friends, my family, my job, clubs, etc... they knew how to get a message to me if they wanted to. Like I said previously, I probably just don't quite understand how the dating site thing all works as I do not give personal information to people I have not met personally, or barely know. It doesn't matter if its a bar, a party, a dating site, anything..

I am quite protective of my personal information (which I will admit stems from some scary instances that happened when I was a teen, involving a stalker). Was it my fault for being a teen working in retail, talking to a nice guy, giving him my number, and then being stalked for months? No, I didn't ask for that, but I DID give him the means to contact me. So as far as I'm concerned, I made a mistake back then, and from that point on changed my attitude towards what I put out there for who to know...

The reason I suggested the track phone was because 1. she has had 2 of these encounters, which is scary enough to create a need for some action and 2. the police seem very underwhelmed about doing anything to help protect her, so perhaps she should protect herself by being less out there with her personal information. If the solution is as easy as "don't give out your personal number" I guess I don't see how that is such a brash suggestion... to me, it is being smart and proactive.

Take it for what you will...

[Magnetism]

He called again and the message got worse. My mom is just saying change my number.

"You're a , so that's why I'm treating you like one. If you acted like a lady, I would treat you like a lady." Rejecting a guy b/c he's asking inappropriate questions means I'm acting un-lady like?

"You're so ugly, but I'm going to lick and smell your b*tthole and give it to you uh uh uh, etc"

"If you f*ck with me, I'm going to find out where you live. Don't whine about you calling the cops, you stupid b*tch"

"If you want to talk to me, call me HEHEHEHE" HUH? You're saying how I'm an ugly b*tch, but you want me to call you. This man is 29, btw.

KMonte-I know you meant well and frankly, I'm going to have to look into the tracking phone just for safety.

If I'm honest, I can say "I will just ignore it," but it is causing me stress. I've had a headache all week. I'm probably just going to change my number.

[Joey]

Well in all hoensty, i think you have a heck of a lot of messaging evidence to show the cops now, and for them to take it more seriously this time. I would definitly change your phone for the time being, especially as these messages are causing you stress. I wouldnt want to be waking up to these messages thats for sure.

[KMonte85]

What a horrible person! He sounds absolutely crazy!

Question - do you have any information of his? Name, number, anything? If the cops don't want to do anything, you may want to look into speaking to an attorney about what you can do? This is harrassment, slander, and you could take legal action against him if he doesn't stop...

Also, as Joey said, you should (hopefully??!?!) have enough now to get the police attention you need! Try going back to the police station and speaking with a different officer, if you can - try finding a woman, with my experience, a female officer was much more attentive to this kind of situation than a man (maybe they can better relate? not sure)

Tracfones can be purchased online or at any major retailers, if you are interested in looking into them.. there are other options out there that are similar, but I think the tracfone is probably the most popular.

[Magnetism]

I feel if I go to an attorney, I will be told the same thing that there's not much that can be done. I seriously feel mentally exhausted right now.

I don't want to date anymore. I don't even know if I want to keep waiting for the "right Indian guy." Does that even exist? It's the same situation over and over again. Running into Indian men that want to have fun with the modern and progressive woman, but then marry a simplistic woman that their mom chooses. Sure, anyone can say "Don't generalize an entire race," but I've heard this complaint from other women.

I've been single for almost 3 years, due my massive history of abuse throughout my life (sexual, verbal, and emotional). After working on myself for so long, I thought I was ready to get back in the dating scene, but I STILL keep unconsciously attracting predators that beat down my self-esteem. I wonder if I'm going to be stuck in this forever. I thought I was healed from the abuse, but it looks like I'm not. Ever since this guy has been harrassing me, I've been getting nightmares about being raped. His comments literally do feel like I'm being raped. How can he not feel any remorse for what he's doing? Then again, I had ex boyfriends that were just like him.

I don't like men at all right now at this moment. I know that's wrong, but I just feel very dead when thinking about being with a man. My mom is trying to hook me up with someone else she has in mind, but I don't want to. I would rather be with a woman right now. I don't know if that sounds weird.