[Little]

It's funny ... it's like the bad men can "sniff out" the girls who have been hurt before. Okay, not funny at all, but interesting. What may be in your best interests is looking into a restraining order. That way, you can prove a punishable offense - he's legally not supposed to contact you, but does. Easier than proving harassment. Even if you don't have his name or number, you have a phone number. Chances are, since he's dumb enough to harass you, he's dumb enough to use a cell registered in his or a family member's name. It may cost you some cash, but personally I would find my peace of mind worth a modest amount of money if I could spare it.
Obviously in a perfect world none of us would ever have to worry when working with the public, having an online persona, or giving out a simple phone number. And none of us SHOULD have to worry, considering the laws in effect. But many of us do ... sadly. I had zero contact with my stalker before being stalked and made no "decisions" that would have affected the amount of information available to him (thank you, Alma Mater, for that phone book that listed my address, land line, and cell number!) I'm sure plenty women get the same treatment. It's so sad.
I've definitely heard the "perfect Indian man" complaint, and the same idea from a few different cultures. It's hard to find that man if you're not IN India, or in a place that has a high concentration of that nationality. It would be like me trying to find my dream man - Spanish-speaking NeoPagan of no particular denomination over 6 feet tall ... in the middle of nowhere Bible Belt area I live in. If I couldn't compromise on those things, I'd have to go online to find him. And if nationality is the thing you can't compromise on, it doesn't leave you many local choices.
Is the guy who's harassing you Indian? An option might be finding out his information and then forwarding his awful messages to his father. Or his mom ... his issues with women have to come from somewhere, maybe it's a domineering mother figure?
The friend I mentioned earlier in this thread who ran into this kind of problem with two-faced men - ones who wanted women to be loose and tight all at the same time - seems to have found a man who is just as acceptable to her family - successful, respectful - as to her - good-looking, ACTUALLY respectable behind closed doors, not shady. We should all be so lucky. It can happen, though!

[Magnetism]

I'm glad things worked out for your friend! Yes, this guy is India and is from specifically an Indian marriage site. There are a couple of other dates that I met from that site, who said they weren't looking for anything serious. If you're not looking for anything serious, why are you on a site designed to find life partners?

I know..I really should step out and try other options (ethnicities, races).

Is it too much to ask for someone who has the same level of education/professionalism as you do? I have 2 white male friends that adore me, but they're significantly older than me (40 and 37) and never went to college. People say, "Why don't you date them?", but those little factors make me go "well..." Other than that, they're really nice guys that respect me. I just think my level of attraction is higher for guys near my age. I'm 27. Is that being too picky?

I just did change my number. I feel so much better and relaxed. Let's hope I can sleep peacefully tonight and don't get a nasty voicemail in the morning.

[Little]

Everybody has certain attributes they can't compromise on. If you're in it for marriage, and can only see yourself married to an Indian man, that's up to you. But it probably won't hurt to go out on a date with a white guy if you want to. I've dated men from many different cultures, and I'll tell you it's MUCH more comfortable to date men from my nationality, income bracket, etc. On a basic level, we are expecting the same things from each ourselves and each other. We value the same things, have many of the same worries. I'm sure you find the same comfort in dealing with Indian men. Explore what you find desirable about Indian men, or undesirable about men from other cultures. Apply those qualities to ALL men.
I don't find education a big deal ... lots of people do. You might try examining WHY these men didn't attend college. Was it a symptom of a lack of drive on their part? Was it not necessary for their career? Were they not encouraged to do so? Was it not a financial possibility? Once a person has completed high school, there are a lot of reasons why they might not go further.
At the end of the day, it will be YOUR relationship and you will have to live with it ... not anybody else.

[Magnetism]

I did go on a few dates with 2 white guys, and the difference was amazing! I wasn't sexually attracted to them, but I appreciated their respectfulness, sense of manners, and non-judgment. It's sad how I've been on 20+ dates with Indian men, and none of them acted anywhere close to those 2 white guys.

I was hoping to find an Indian guy like me-someone with a liberal outlook, yet understood the quirks of Indian culture. With millions of people, I had no idea it would be so hard. The Indian guys that say they're progressive/modernized still expect their women to be a stepford virgin.

Is it something about me that causes these guys to think I'm just f*ck buddy material? Or, do these guys act like that with all women?

Here's how I am in a nutshell

-I like to socially drink, but I don't get drunk to the point where I neglect my daily life

-I like to eat out and go out with friends, but I also like to cook and clean. I just like a balance!

-I like to speak my mind and enjoy a good conversation, but my intention isn't to bruise your ego.

-I like wearing dresses and heels, but that doesn't mean I expose too much skin that can give someone the wrong idea.

-I like horror movies, but why should that dictate if I'm a or not? Apparently, one Indian guy told me it does.

-I also like metal, and was told that I would be perceived as "fast" by Indian men......but, again, why should that matter? A lot of Indians like rap. Why aren't they labeled a ****s for liking rap music? What's wrong with liking metal and rock?

-I have a tattoo, but it's an Indian religious symbol that my parents went with me to get. I'm not sure if some Indian men are perceiving that as "****ty."

[rcoreyus]

With half a billion Indian men out there, certainly there is on who meets your requirements - but it could be very tough to find him. People do tend to act in ways related to their culture, so there may be cultural issues that make it difficult to find Indian men who match what you want. It might be worth a few more dates with men from other cultures - you might find someone you are comfortable with. I do understand though how it can be difficult to spend time with people from other cultures - but it can also be really fun and interesting.

From your description, you are being reasonable and your expectations are not at all out of line.

[Magnetism]

I'm really glad that people on this forum have been supportive. I'm going to take a break from dating and take care of myself for now. I just feel too exhausted and don't want to attract the wrong person when I'm in a state of duress.

When living in Alabama, I was bullied by white boys in middleschool and that honestly turned me off from inter-racial dating. I know it's not fair to use that one experience to generalize, but it took me awhile to get over the bullying experience. After moving to bigger cities, I have slowly learned that a lot of people aren't anything like the people I grew up with in Alabama.

Another reason was that I was scared that non-Indians wouldn't understand how my parents were, and run off. My mom was very intrusive and controlling when it came to dating and relationships. My non-Indian friends would ask "You're an adult! Why is she acting like that?", whereas my Indian exes would at least understand why my mom acted the way how she did.


I'm not living with my mom anymore, and this has made it much easier to inter-racially date.

[Hopeless Dork]

I would definitely open yourself up to dating outside of your culture. You might find a non-indian man that has a passion for and knowledge and respect of your culture and can relate to you and your feelings in the same way you'd hope to receive from an indian man.

You should not try to date men that you have absolutely no chemistry with, no attraction whatsoever... because love is blind, true, but if you are knowing you don't have that physical reaction to the person... its more work than it should be. But keep an open mind as what you might consider unnattractive to you at one point in your life might become very attractive to you in the next.

To me I find that a lot of girls are attracted to what they are surrounded by... so branch out. Make friends in different circles and spend time with different people. If you box yourself into being only around a certain type of guy... it will be natural to you to focus your attraction to them... so broaden that net.

In the end of it all its about finding someone that makes you happy, someone you can relate to and someone that can make your your heart go pitter patter with a simple touch. No matter what package they are in, no matter what society or family says that person should be like... you are the one that you go to sleep with and wake up with... you live in your body all day long... no one else. So it is you and you alone that should decide who gets to accompany you on your journey through this world.

[Magnetism]

^Hopeless-It's just that I heard that we're programmed to be attracted to the "wrong people", if we come from abusive backgrounds. I figured that the guys I'm not attracted to might be the nice guys that I want.

I just realized I may have been trying to "prove" to people that I can get an Indian man, because I have been told that Indian men won't like me. If someone tells me I can't do or get something, I have a habit of proving them wrong.

My exes in the past frequently chastised me for having a high sex drive, and would remind me how the whole Indian community thought I was a filthy desperate . I have no STDs, I have never cheated on a boyfriend, I'm not willing to sleep with anything, and I don't actively seek multiple partners on a regular basis. According to my exes, I suppose simply having sexual experience and being in control is what makes me a .

So, one of the reasons for my 2-year celibacy kick was to prove these morons that I'm not some nymphomaniac that can't control herself.

I'm wondering why am I wasting my time proving myself to people that don't understand female sexuality? There's even a chance that my exes might have been lying just to control me or to keep under their belt. The minute I went celibate, my ex's reaction was "Abstinence is stupid. Why don't have casual sex with me? You need it." HUH? His message was "You're bad for having sex, but you're also bad for not having sex!"


Sorry, I just had to vent.

[jns]

When living in Alabama, I was bullied by white boys in middleschool and that honestly turned me off from inter-racial dating. I know it's not fair to use that one experience to generalize, but it took me awhile to get over the bullying experience. After moving to bigger cities, I have slowly learned that a lot of people aren't anything like the people I grew up with in Alabama.

Another reason was that I was scared that non-Indians wouldn't understand how my parents were, and run off. My mom was very intrusive and controlling when it came to dating and relationships. My non-Indian friends would ask "You're an adult! Why is she acting like that?", whereas my Indian exes would at least understand why my mom acted the way how she did.

Bullying in school is common, but I'm sure if you are somewhat unique and don't have friends that are willing to help protect you, it can be worse. And make you feel isolated. It sounds like some of it was racist, I'm sorry you had to see the bad side of some people. Most people are not like that.

Do you have a group of friends that commonly do things together? If the group contains people from different groups and different walks of life, the others can help you understand the interactions in the relationships. They may also be able to help you determine who is a good catch.

Are there Indian temples where you live. It would be good for any potential boyfriend to go with you to a temple to see if he is willing to work on understanding your cultural background as well as normal interactions between people in Indian culture. Non-Indians will have to learn what permissible public behavior is. And what permissible private behavior is.

It might be good if you both can travel to East India to give a boyfriend a better understanding of societal norms. Obviously, you wouldn't want to spend your time in hotels, rather with family and he may have to understand chaperoning.

Obviously, a boyfriend will have to understand the role of the mother-in-law in the relationship. You will have to make it clear that you will protect him from direct attacks from your mother. If he needs to change something and your mother noticed it first, you should be the one that conveys it.

Other than those things, just be yourself, do not play roles. Dating will be more possible if you have a larger pool of possible dates. Age differences may not truly be that important.

Good luck.

[Magnetism]

JNS-Yes, I do-but in the end, it's the same people. I'm a huge horror movie geek, and most of the people I've met are in their late 30's and 40's. I'm in some social groups where it's mostly females.

The 37 y/o friend that liked me met me in the horror movie group. I decided to give it a shot and went on 3 dates with him. The fact that he had a kid, was in the middle of a divorce/custody battle, and was 10 years older than me made me doubtful in the end.. My heart goes out to this friend's situation, but I didn't see myself in the future in that situation.

As I said, I'm taking a break for now anyway. Thanks for the advice.