[Hopeless Dork]

All I meant is that you could get to the meat and bones of an answer to your query without factoring in whether or not the man is older... I just pointed out that most of your posts seem to question if older men do or like or think or want, and the answers could be true or untrue for older AND younger men alike. I just mean "does an older man like bananas?"... isn't going to get you any closer to opinions geared to suit your question than "do men like banansa?" Some men like bananas some men don't older/younger doesn't matter in that regaurd.

I know I went to that point on your post because you mentioned specifically older men, and it is my opinion, when I get hit on by older men or younger men it usually goes down the same road, they don't have any extra tricks in their bag is all I mean... flirting and hitting on people hasn't changed too terribly much and has probably gone on since forever.

[cocoa]

All I meant is that you could get to the meat and bones of an answer to your query without factoring in whether or not the man is older... I just pointed out that most of your posts seem to question if older men do or like or think or want, and the answers could be true or untrue for older AND younger men alike. I just mean "does an older man like bananas?"... isn't going to get you any closer to opinions geared to suit your question than "do men like banansa?" Some men like bananas some men don't older/younger doesn't matter in that regaurd.

I know I went to that point on your post because you mentioned specifically older men, and it is my opinion, when I get hit on by older men or younger men it usually goes down the same road, they don't have any extra tricks in their bag is all I mean... flirting and hitting on people hasn't changed too terribly much and has probably gone on since forever.

Ah, ok. thx for responding. I realized i misread some statements in your post. my bad.

[cocoa]

When i posted the OP, i figured age would make a difference in how to read behavior, which almost everyone has said isn't true. Now, in thinking about the situation, i realize that i was overanalyzing it. it's funny, because i was trying to be objective about the situation by not assuming there was only one way to interpret the teasing. The persons i'm referring to are probably engaging in friendly teasing. Maybe should've posted this in the relationship section. Anyway, I didn't want to act on any assumptions since that could really blow up in my face.

My questions were really meant to be open ended; seeking different perspectives than black and white responses.

Fact is, my dilemma still remains. If i'm not comfortable with the teasing, especially when it's constant, and i've tried to avoid the persons involved, but they keep pushing, what are my options? It's not so simple especially when you work with someone everyday; especially when they feel they have the right to keep doing so, and show obvious discomfort or avoidance is ignored, maybe spurring them to think it is even more necessary and ok.

[Ashlee T.]

The point is not that you can't respond to the replies and clarify things that may have been miscommunicated or misunderstood. The point is that if you want peoples perspectives on things, then you can't be overly critical of someones response to you when their response wasn't in the least bit critical of you. It seems you've spent more time nitpicking the responses than you have listening to what we have to say and realizing that people are giving you their perspectives of what YOU have chosen to tell them. We do not know what you don't share.


Why not be a little more detailed with what you're actually talking about? This teasing you're talking about could range from an older dude coming up to you at a coffee shop and saying something goody and jokingly to you, or an older dude teasing you at work on a daily basis. Okay, those are two VERY different scenarios.

It's not so simple especially when you work with someone everyday; especially when they feel they have the right to keep doing so, and show obvious discomfort or avoidance is ignored, maybe spurring them to think it is even more necessary and ok.

What you describe here could be harassment. It could be friendly simple fun of someone trying to include you or befriend you. It's hard to know....because your description of it is vague. Understand that the readers do not know what you're talking about, and would respond differently knowing more of the details of your situation.

And since I'm not sure if real interest is there or if the teasing is being used more to get me to be less serious, i don't want to make a fool of myself and assume any interest is there, thus making me feel even more uncomfortable. Because, in the end, whether or not i'm interested in them wouldn't matter for me, if i'm not sure how they feel. I wouldn't want to be seen as flirting when for them, it's simple fun - or teasing meant to make me lighten up.

So are YOU interested in this person at work that's "teasing" you? If you knew for a fact he was interested in pursuing you, would you be interested?

One thing which I was trying to say in my OP, which apparently seems to have been missed, is that i don't see myself as a catch. So, if their goal was to show interest, which i'm not going to assume they are, i'd be surprised because i'm more likely going to think i came across as someone who is really not as experienced and not ready for a relationship with someone in that age range.

I totally get the lack of self confidence here. You said you often feel like the ugly duckling. So I'm sure everyone that read picked up on the fact that you have low self esteem. But I will say that it's going to be hard for anyone to see you as a catch if you don't learn to see yourself as one. And yes....it is something you can learn. I have insecurities out the wazoo......but I work very hard to deal with them every day and not let them hold me back. It is possible. What I don't understand here is, is it the teasing that bothers you and you're trying to find a way to make it stop? OR is the the insecurity of the situation in which the teasing is occuring because you don't know how to take it, whether or not the person is flirting? I guess I feel like your posts have jumped around like "no no it's this..." "no it's that not this" "no it's this not that"........and I feel like no matter what is said it's going to be wrong.

[cocoa]

The point is not that you can't respond to the replies and clarify things that may have been miscommunicated or misunderstood. The point is that if you want peoples perspectives on things, then you can't be overly critical of someones response to you when their response wasn't in the least bit critical of you. It seems you've spent more time nitpicking the responses than you have listening to what we have to say and realizing that people are giving you their perspectives of what YOU have chosen to tell them. We do not know what you don't share.


Why not be a little more detailed with what you're actually talking about? This teasing you're talking about could range from an older dude coming up to you at a coffee shop and saying something goody and jokingly to you, or an older dude teasing you at work on a daily basis. Okay, those are two VERY different scenarios.

What you describe here could be harassment. It could be friendly simple fun of someone trying to include you or befriend you. It's hard to know....because your description of it is vague. Understand that the readers do not know what you're talking about, and would respond differently knowing more of the details of your situation.

So are YOU interested in this person at work that's "teasing" you? If you knew for a fact he was interested in pursuing you, would you be interested?

I totally get the lack of self confidence here. You said you often feel like the ugly duckling. So I'm sure everyone that read picked up on the fact that you have low self esteem. But I will say that it's going to be hard for anyone to see you as a catch if you don't learn to see yourself as one. And yes....it is something you can learn. I have insecurities out the wazoo......but I work very hard to deal with them every day and not let them hold me back. It is possible. What I don't understand here is, is it the teasing that bothers you and you're trying to find a way to make it stop? OR is the the insecurity of the situation in which the teasing is occuring because you don't know how to take it, whether or not the person is flirting? I guess I feel like your posts have jumped around like "no no it's this..." "no it's that not this" "no it's this not that"........and I feel like no matter what is said it's going to be wrong.

quite insightful

[cocoa]

Would be interested in hearing from other members who haven't posted. thx.

[WildChild]

I don't think so.

[Hopeless Dork]

I just think I latched on to your specifying older men because in my experience most guys go about hitting on women in the same manner , regaurdless of age... like sometimes I'll have some guys 19/20 ish hollar something at me from a distance or whisle and I've had men in their 50's do the exact same thing. I have had young guys approach me like gentlemen and ask my name or compliment me politely, and have had older men do the same. I've had younger guys flirt and tease me and older guys do the same. There are lots of different approaches to flirting and inniciating contact...but it seems that guys of all ages do all of them.

I know that was but one line to your question, as to the other stuff... if you don't want all the constant joking... you don't have to worry, most guys arent comedians 24/7.. if a guy is cracking jokes and teasing you, he's trying to impress you -- most women list sense of humour in their top spot of things they find attractive about men... so a lot of guys really try to show they have one.

If you are a bit on the serious side, no need to fear as most of those guys that joke at the first are not quite as silly once they have your attention. If a guy is CONSTANTLY cracking jokes... it could be that his personality type is ill-suited to your more serious one , or it could be that he is just nervous, or trying to be someone he'd think you'd like better... etc.

If you can't tell what the guy is all about you can try having a serious but innocuous coversation and see how they react to it. Talk about some news headline , etc... that isn't funny and see if he is able to converse without being silly, if he can't... you know you havent found the one that you want.

[Hopeless Dork]

Would be interested in hearing from other members who haven't posted. thx.

If you are asking for more posters to respond, thats one thing... but this is an open forum and once you have posted to the board anyone that is a member on this forum can reply to it. The way you phrased that be could be taken to mean that you don't want people that have already posted to respond anymore, and thats a bit rude in my opinion.

I would also like to say if your questions are rhetorical as in you are not really wanting anyone to reply to them, or if your questions are only to be responded to if they already match your opinion of what they should be... perhaps blogging would upset you less? This would allow you to say how you feel without anyone interfering with trying to answer questions you pose in a manner you don't think they should be answered. Know what I mean? It feels like if people don't answer the way you want, you don't want to hear it... which means you already have your answer?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Threads are here to pose a question, take in all the replies, opinions, weight up what suits, what doesn't, thank the members who take the time to reply and answer the questions posed.

That's not happening here.....

In addition, you've made it clear OP that you "get it" therefore, no need for further replies.

Please take time to consider how best to get your problems across and be open to answers as our member's take their time to reply, to help...

Thread closed


CW