[Texinator]

Accepting a "gift" from your fella to get something like a wax, a mani, a pedi...is TOTALLY different than accepting money from your fella to pay utilities or house bills (on a house he doesn't even live in). One of those things is a luxury...a "pampering"....and the other is a necessity. Take it from a woman who has never let any man pay ANY of her bills. It's very different.

...and she might have a difficult time even accepting gifts, which is why she feels guilty in between and stops with the waxing, for example, but then later resumes.

I've never felt comfortable with the idea of letting people spend money on me, even though I'm always ready to help others, and so when someone gets me something "just because," it's difficult not to want to get them something in return. I've been working on it and have had some success, but sometimes the guilt still returns.

[Guest]

Yep, I agree Tex.

Butt is that always the "right" thing to do? What about the added and completely unnecessary stress it causes? Don't we all want to reduce stress in our lives? I know I do.

[Guest]

Oh, and I'm not a fan at all of people spending money on me.... I know, it's not "fair" or whatever. I realize it and am actually working on that too (I have so many flaws that I'm working on...with a therapist.).

As an example, I enjoy the Christmas Holiday and the spirit of GIVING (says nothing about receiving).

[Texinator]

Oh, and I'm not a fan at all of people spending money on me.... I know, it's not "fair" or whatever.

I know I sometimes wonder why someone doesn't want to accept my help, but then I try to put myself in their shoes, and I'll realize that I would react the same way if I were them.

[Guest]

Carp! (mispelling intentional), you're right again Tex! Good Lord, if she puts herself in my shoes, when it comes to receiving things, i may as well work for bananas because she will never accept money again....Or anything of value for that matter.

[Texinator]

So it sounds like we all could be a bit better about receiving things instead of just always giving, giving, giving, though of course a woman who is financially independent and wants to rely on only herself to pay the important things like mortgage is WAY better than a gold digger who is more than happy to comfortably live off your money without contributing anything.

[Guest]

Gold digger ??

Well we can't have any of those around..

[Guest]

I don't know....

I know that they're out there...after all isn't reality TV real? Ha! Butt I've always chuckled a bit at my fellow men that have made comments about so called "gold diggers" (and yes ladies, it works both ways), butt weren't they smart enough to see this when they were dating? Did they rush into living together or getting married befroe they realized/saw it?

I may be a bit old fashioned (what ever that means) in this area and perhaps even a bit naive too, butt I don't really understand how that happens. Getting involved with a "gold digger" or someone who counts on your support without your knowledge? Huh!

I think we all enter into relationships with our eyes wide open.

[classy_lady]

Seeker_advice, I appreciate your gesture in trying to make her life more comfortable and stress-free and I can tell it's out of love. But as a woman, I would do exactly as she is doing now. Not to insult you or anything, but it's a question of pride and respect.