[jns]

He may recognize his actions and apologize for them and even genuinely want to change his behavior, but a lot of his actions come from ingrained behavior that he learned as a child from his parents and other people around him. Wanting to change is not enough; even displayed changes over time is many times not enough. He also has to put in place a belief system that will hold him accountable to something or someone else who he holds in very high esteem.

[wendilee]

sweetie, when a man is controlling and demeaning, it is usually because they have no self esteem and do those things to make themselves feel better.
that will not change. no matter what u do. i know this bc i just left my marriage of almost 10 years with a very controlling man. to the point that even if
i was going to see my mother it was a problem. he used to tell me everyday that i was beautiful and that he loved me so much. the bottom line was that
as he may love me, he doesnt love himself. he didnt appreciate the things that i did, he expected them. he didnt respect my feelings, he just wanted things
done his way. and year there were def some good times and he has good qualities, but is that enuff to continue to be controlled and mentally abused?