[Amber]

Previously I was trying online dating for six months. Now I just came back from taking a few months break. I'm in my mid to late 30's. On my online dating profile, the age of a guy I'm interested in finding ranges about two years younger to about six or seven years older.

I have been on for a few days so far and I have already had about fifteen to twenty guys contact me. Three or four were about four to five years younger than me. Mainly all the rest of the guys were between eight to fifteen years older than me. Men in their late 40's and early to mid 50's. Really? WTF!!

Why is it I only get men who are a lot older than me contact me? What are they seeing in a younger woman? I can't help but think they only see me as some fantasy doll or as a sex object. Granted, all men may think like that to a certain degree. But if that is the case, then why are there no guys in my age range approaching me?

I have done some of my own hunting and I find that pretty much most of the guys, if not all, that are in the age range I'm looking for, are too active for me. They all say they play sports and want women to be active with them. With my knees and feet, I can't play tennis with them. Or even probably last long on a hike or be able to last long on a bike. I can't help but feel like I'm not good enough for any of these guys. Meanwhile I have tons of older guys gawking over me.

My ex-boyfriend from a few years ago saw me has his fantasy. He admitted I was his rebound object and a fantasy to him. Yeah, the bubble eventually broke and when he came crashing down to reality, he got rid of me. He didn't say the last part but that is what had happened. I don't see myself as beautiful. I guess you could call me pretty or cute. I'm far from conceited. That is just want I have had guys call me.

I know people say it is great to be dating a younger guy but I'm afraid two much younger, and I will be a huge disappointment to him in the sex department. Not that I probably won't be a huge disappointment to any guy older than 20 or 25!! But a guy in his early 30's are probably expecting an experienced older woman. They also want me to be physically active which I can't be that either. But I would prefer not to be with a much older guy because I'm afraid I won't be attracted to him. And there is a chance I still want to have a child. I don't want to be with a guy who is way too old for that.

I just get a kick out of it. These guys are looking for women who are their age or up to 20 years younger. But they don't want an older woman, not these guys in their late 40's or 50's. But they expect us younger woman to want a man that much older? Really? How fair is that one??!!

[jns]

The saying is: "All is fair in love and war." I don't see a particularly good reason to limit the field so severely. As long as life experiences are reasonably close, then age does not matter. This eliminates the 20 year old with the 50 year old but may not eliminate the 40 year old with the 70 year old. A 10 year age difference probably is not a problem unless one of the people is of college age or younger. Even then, in some cases things work out. My mother is 15 years younger than my father and they have past the double nickle in marriage.

Amber, find someone who appreciates your sense of humor and appreciates you for being you, not just the physical you.

[Stillness]

I've always wondered this myself. I've always liked women the same age as myself. My wife and I were born on the exact same day! But I work with a lot of couples and the men are very frequently much older (10-15 years), especially on their second marriage. I think the average is 4-6 years though, so it may just be a natural thing for the man to be older. Then on a second marriage or later in life they stretch that. It's crazy because we already don't live as long as you all.

I think it's because of what we look for. Women may be more attracted to financial stability and experience than men. Men may value youth and physical beauty more. Maybe because they want their woman to look up to them a bit or a woman in their reproductive years longer. Also, it seems that certain men don't show their age as much as women from 40-70ish. I don't know if it has to do with menopause or what. Men tend to look younger. I don't think it's unfair. It just is.

[Amber]

I guess another question to add is how old is a guy's' sperm usually good for? Definitely not just looking for a baby machine but it is something to look at. I'm hoping I have a few years left. Who knows I may not be able to get pregnant myself.

I'm close to 40. A 55 year old. Doesn't give us much time before he is going to start to become senile. I know that probably sounds horrible but I can't help but think that.

Also, I wonder if I will be attracted to someone that much older. I don't know. I sometimes think online dating is so unnatural of a way to meet someone and that I stink at it! But I have no other real way to meet a guy and I really want to find that right one. But I don't want to feel like I had to settle.

[jns]

Senility depends on genetics and probably environment and what was eaten. My father is now 92 and is getting forgetful. He was reasonably sharp at 90 and very sharp at 85.

My youngest brother came along when my father was 51y, 4 mo old. Depending on the guy, having a child at that age or even much older is possible. On the other hand, Erectile Dysfunction and low sperm count could be limiting factors. Have him get tested. Possibly think of having him store sperm in a sperm bank. Also think about storing eggs or embryos for IVF. There are significant costs involved.

[rcoreyus]

Just some thoughts: I'ts possible that you are on a dating site that happens to have more older men. Its also more acceptable in society (for some reason) for older men to date younger women, but not so much the reverse. Do you mention that you aren't very physically active in your profile - maybe that makes some men your age lose interest.

If you are just dating for fun, then I don't think age matters. If someone is nice, and you enjoy their company, what does it matter if they are 50. If you are thinking of a long term relationship and eventually marriage, then things are somewhat different. Imagine you date, get married - it may be 5 years before you have a child. Then a man who is 50 now will be in his 70s when you have a teenager.

[Stillness]

Men don't have the equivalent of menopause, so we can make babies as long as we are alive, barring some illness or dysfinction. We make sperm til death.

Before I posted I just read that men do in fact have a biological clock, not just related to likelihood of getting a woman pregnant, but potential defects in offspring. some fertility clinics won't take sperm from a man above 50.

[BabyGirl]

Amber Sweetie..
Thank you for a Delightful Laugh Tonight. You made my day

A 55 year old..Doesn't give us much time before he is going to start to become senile. I know that probably sounds horrible but I can't help but think that.

True Story Here.

I was 23,Working for a Car Dealership in the Greater Los Angeles Area, as one of the First ever Car Sales Women.(1977). Met a Guy that worked in my Dealership, Dated, then married in 1978. The Man I married, I'll call " Buddy ", was a Twin to the Actor James Garner of Rockford Files.( Google it ). Anyway when we met & dated he'd said he was 37, so 38 when we married. It wasn't a Huge thing to me, the 15 year difference.. I was tired of dating Immature men, with no Foresight in life other than to Goof off, buy Toys ( cars ).

In 1980 he was turning 40 on Feb 25th. I was just at 9 months Preggers with our Daughter. But I wanted to do something Special for The Big 40. So I planned a Secret Party, Flew his Parents out from New England, had Lots of people coming over, Friends, co workers, Family. We had a Great Party, over 30 people showed up. He was so Surprised and Happy his folks came out.

So I take " Mom " to the Garage, where I hid the B~Day Cake. And figured it was Her Son, so she should carry it to him, She took one look at the Cake, as we were starting to light the Candles, It said Happy 40th " Buddy ". and she said the Caterers Made a Mistake.
I said No Mom, I designed it and it's perfect.

She said, No hun, They made a Mistake, " Buddy " is 50 this Year . I was like, we married 2 years ago, he was 38. She said, He was 48 honey, and we wondered why he married someone so young, but he's happy and so are we that he chose you.

Dumbfounded to say the Least and Shock and yes Anger, But the party went through, so did the week visit with his parents . 9 days later I gave Birth to our Daughter. Who now is 32.

The point here is he was almost 50 when I got Preggers, He had the Virility " needed " , He looked in his late 30's, even though he was almost 50. And he just turned 82 this Feb 25th. He is Not Senile in any way, though is getting a bit Forgetful.. As JNS said about his father, he has the Sharpness, still , though Wavering a little

Even though " Buddy " and I Divorced, Years ago, We are Friends, and he has been The Best Father a Daughter could ever Have. Still is to this day, Her PAPA (he didn't like Dad, as it sounded like Dead to him ) lol.. Still is there when she needs him, Loves her with every Breath and Heartbeat.

So, Sweetie, It's not the Age or the Age Difference, it's the Compatibility, The Interests, the Likes and Dont's , it's the Moment, Weeks, Months and Years that count. You are way Older Than I was when I fell in Love and married a Man 25 1/2 years older than me. And even though I didn't know he was 25 years older, I still fell for him , Loved him, bore our Child. And still " love " him, just in a different way .

Our Compatibility, was Cars, He sold them, I sold them, But I loved and was raised on Working & Fixing Cars. He Loved Hunting & Skeet Shooting, I was raised Shooting and Hunting. We weren't into Tennis or Jogging, but were into Traveling and seeing new things and Countries., He was Attractive, to me , I was Attractive to him .

So, in your Internet Dating Search, you might want to be a bit more Detailed in what you are like, what you may want. What you dislike and what you will not " Date " or meet. This meaning Kids, No Kids, Pets, no pets, Criminal History & such .

Be Honest,under Hobbies, put down , Slow walks on Beach, if you have bad knees, admit it if someone peaks your interest and you start Emailing. It's OK to explain physical limitations.. I am sure they may have some too.

If you like books or arts, say it. Quiet Dinners, Watching Football or Baseball, Fav Teams .. But mention you cannot ( fill in Blank ) , as in Jump up and down or Play football at Family or Holiday Functions. The thing is to Weed out the ones who have a " Vision " of you just off of a Photo and a Filled in " Survey " of the Dating Site .

Now if you were like 16 years old.. My Advise would be SO very Different.. Not that my Basic Advise would change on a " Dating on Internet " site, but it sure would if a 45 year old was looking for a 16 year old .. That just gives me the Shivers & Pervert Warning.. But that's just me ..

[DreamP346]

I have heard this complaint a lot. It can be that whole biological pull towards procreation that men are always attracted to women who would be most like to be fertile: 20-30 year old range. You can think of it as Darwinism at work.

These days age is so subjective. With good diet and exercise and some good genes, you can easily live a very active, health and beautiful life for a long time. A century about, at 50, you had one foot in the grave. These days, at 50, many powerful men are just becoming fathers or starting a second one. Don't diss them just because they are old. Sometimes the older they get the better they are.

Same with the younger guys.

Yes, do weed out the creeps who are just looking for younger hot arm candy without considering compatibility, but there may be an older guy also looking to start a family that is looking for exactly what you have to offer.

[Amber]

If you are just dating for fun, then I don't think age matters. If someone is nice, and you enjoy their company, what does it matter if they are 50. If you are thinking of a long term relationship and eventually marriage, then things are somewhat different. Imagine you date, get married - it may be 5 years before you have a child. Then a man who is 50 now will be in his 70s when you have a teenager.

rcoreyus, I'm definitely looking for a long term relationship, that will hopefully be the right one for marriage.