[Jenson]

Okay so, my boyfriend and I have been dating since late last year. I've always been happy with him, and he says he's happy with me. But one of my biggest problems with him is that I can't get him to talk to me face to face about things that are bugging him. If I attempt to talk about it face to face he walks out of the room and mumbles under his breath..which to me is immature. So he'll text me while he's on his breaks at work and tell me things that I do that just aggravate him. He says he thinks I'm not happy with him, and that he annoys me. Which, not to mention we rarely ever have relations.
My side? I am happy with him, but his avoidance issue bugs me. He thinks I'm constantly annoyed which I am persistently telling him otherwise. I'm a fairly sexual person, he enjoys sex but I don't think he does on the level that I do. Which worries me. I try to ask him why we don't have sex that often and he says I back him up against the wall(so to speak) about the topic. I'm so confused! I ask a simple question and he barks at me saying "if you want a lot of sex in a relationship then I'm not the guy for you." what kind of answer is that?! If I ask him if he's happy with "us"he says yes but that there's things he has to adjust to with me. Personally I feel like our relationship is doomed due to poor communication.
If someone could give me a bit of advice I would be most grateful. I don't want to see our relationship crumble!

[Hugo-B]

He may well be intimidated by your libido, especially if he is less experienced than you, hence him prevaricating when you try and discuss matters. Alternatively he could just be less sexual and sport a lower sex drive in which case - and no offense - having more sex than he wants to could be somewhat of an inconvenience to him.

A lot of men are reluctant to talk about their feelings and don not open up easily, this is why women always confront us in circumstances where we can't run away or duck out, like when we're in bed hung over or last thing at night when we're exhausted!

Is he an introvert by nature? Or simply a quiet guy? Have you seen him acting differently around his friends, or seen any behavior to suggest it is only you he is like this around? This could just be the way he is, but my money is on there being something bothering him which he is too insecure to admit or readily want to discuss. If you are more experienced and more confident sexually that could be a big one, you earning more money could be it, even being from a wealthier family could be it, or you being more outgoing and having more friends, especially male ones who he is worried are a 'threat' to him could also do it.

I don't think many women give men enough credit for needing reassurance and needing to feel loved and attractive, I'm not saying you don't do these things, just that you (may) need to do them more since he might not be as emotionally robust and self sufficient as you think he is.

Apologies, I've had to extrapolate quite a lot since there wasn't too much to work with - don't you like talking about your feelings or something? LOL

Good luck x

[Jenson]

I apologize about not explaining things! haha, there's so much that's on my mind with this that all I could get out was the things that came to mind first!
Well, I did explain to him before we got too serious how my libido was and he said he was perfectly fine with it. I asked him once again before we ever got intimate for reassurance on it. Because I do know that not everyone enjoys sex like the media exploits it. Once again, he did say it was perfectly fine. Not to be too blunt but very rarely did we go a day without having sex. The longest we've gone..which is still going on at this moment is 13 days. Probably not as long as some would seem or to be worried about. But when he rarely even shows affection, it does worry me.
He has a lot of confidence when it comes making money. He does make more than I do, so I can't think of that being something that would be an intimidating factor. Also, our families are pretty much about the same when it comes to wealth. There's honestly not much about his family that is much different than mine. Except that my family isn't as uptight as his. Not to be rude or anything to him, he has a wonderful family.
I know at first when we got together he said he was worried about his size and how long he lasts. He said he didn't last long which neither his size nor how long he lasts in bed is a problem at all. I've reassured him and he even told me that I'm the first woman he's lasted in bed for awhile with because I have such a positive and reassuring response to him. I'm honestly at a loss. :/ I do everything in my power to show him that I care and love him, but everything I do seems to backfire and somehow show him that I don't care for him.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I know at first when we got together he said he was worried about his size and how long he lasts. He said he didn't last long which neither his size nor how long he lasts in bed is a problem at all. I've reassured him and he even told me that I'm the first woman he's lasted in bed for awhile with because I have such a positive and reassuring response to him. I'm honestly at a loss. :/ I do everything in my power to show him that I care and love him, but everything I do seems to backfire and somehow show him that I don't care for him.

Hi there, welcome to the Forum.

I would say that he has had this problem because immature women have made him feel this way, before you.

That, you are assertive and he's not used to that.

I think you need to give him time, to realise he really is good in bed and a happy size.

When women put a guy down over and over, or leave, for other reasons he assumes is size, when it is not, it takes time to get that ego back in check.

I would keep smiling at him and telling him he's hot, good in bed, good size without going over the top, over board and let it sink in.

[Hugo-B]

How are you both? Have you had any discussions where you have revealed you are more experienced? Do you know how many women he's slept with?

You just need to build his confidence up a bit, that should help, the better you can make the sex the more you will both want of it, does he take control or is he quite timid and submissive? If you want to get him going rip his trousers down, give him some head and get him started then tell him he has to wait until later/after work/whatever, and I think you'll find you have a rather rampant man on your hands!

Have you tried simply pouncing on him in your sexy underwear? There must be an outfit which is his favorite? The old tricks are usually the best!

[Hugo-B]

Hi there, welcome to the Forum.

I would say that he has had this problem because immature women have made him feel this way, before you.

That, you are assertive and he's not used to that.

I think you need to give him time, to realise he really is good in bed and a happy size.

When women put a guy down over and over, or leave, for other reasons he assumes is size, when it is not, it takes time to get that ego back in check.

I would keep smiling at him and telling him he's hot, good in bed, good size without going over the top, over board and let it sink in.

This ^ my first GF was quite cruel to me about not lasting long enough in bed (though I was a virgin when I met her) and it took me years before I got my confidence back to where it needed to be. She was an idiot too, because she was just making it worse for both of us.

[Jenson]

**Chandlers Wish-I definitely think the same. He said his previous girlfriend was incredibly immature and didn't give him the respect he deserved(s). I continue to tell him how wonderful he is all around. Not daily, because I think that may be excessive. But I tell him a few times a week how awesome he is.
**Buddhaboy(awesome name btw! I'm Buddhist so I appreciate the name haha!) I've tried everything I can think of to get him to stay mentally stimulated if we're not together (i.e. work or otherwise). We've told each other how many we've both slept with and it didn't alarm me nor him. He seemed quite fine with everything.
I even ordered new lingerie sets and such to entice him..but I dunno, maybe he just isn't attracted to me sexually anymore. :/

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Jenson.

Mr B, has explained as a man how a woman can make a man feel. It's either way, excellent or pftttt.

I appreciate the suggestion of sexy underwear but if he can't hack that, it's because he is still feeling down, about well himself

I wouldn't do that, I would concentrate on him, sexually as in, he's the man, his moves are hot, the way he makes you feel as IF he is the one that has made you feel the sexiest , hotest, not showing him how hot you are

[Jenson]

You are a very wise woman! BUT! How do I go about doing this without seeming like I'm overdoing it or pushing myself to make it seem like it could fake? I wish I could just ninja myself in his cranium and see what he thinks. Also, in order to tell him his moves are sexy and all..well we would have to have sex. :/ >.<

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Mmmm.....

A man wants to be loved, they have emotions like we do believe it or not.

I peek through the door when my fiance has a shower, smile look at his face, then his biceps, then his stomach and then.................... He sees immediately I am into him, the total package.

I also say things via text, "how did I get so lucky? Perfect body and perfect....":

It's the subtle things sweet.. And in bed, let him take the lead control. But then in conversation, let him know of "something" if not a couple that you haven't let some guy do but you let him do, maybe position, IDK and that he makes you feel like a woman.

It's about him feeling that he is special....