[CHANDLERS WISH]

I used to think like that too amy and I am betting I am older than you

Then, i learnt that there is a difference.

Things that occur during the "now" someone flirting with us, something we said to someone those things are important to share within your relationship after all relationships are built on trust. And, honesty.

But, how we lived our life prior to meeting our "husband" and I stress that because a boyfriend may not end up in our lives forever, is our life before him. Discussing everything that happened in our life before hand is for an insecure man whom wants to know the ins and outs so he can decide if you are worthy to be his wife. Is that a man to marry? Or is it a man who does not care what happened in your life before him, only that he can not believe that he met you, has you, now and for the rest of his life. That he knows "you" who you are and the type of person you are and loves you, trusts you and respects you.

That's just my opinion.

[BabyGirl]

I'm glad you are feeling helped.
I like CW, am older, closing on 60. Mine was, well, started almost 50 years ago .

I'll let you know,that you Never truly Forget, none of us do ... though you heal and hurt less with time and you remember less often as the years go by . There may be times that certain things, maybe his actions of accidentally getting too close to your Anus that may freak you.. If this is the case, that may be the time to have the discussion .

Also as it was said by Element

I do suggest you two speaking of what sexual acts are on the table for you two. This way there are no regretful surprises while in bed.

This is very wise,as once and if you plan to Marry or Commit in a Partnership , you will not want him saying Huh ? I thought all was on the table . This is vital with sex between any long term relationship.
Not only for us Rape or Abuse victims. But all Couples should have Oral,Anal, Bondage, S&M. The Sexual Boundaries should be discussed openly.

I have found perspective, and just hope I can help others like you have all helped me.

I'm sure you will help many

Remember that Visiting the Past and the Pain,can sometimes help others to Avoid it . That is how we Women are Joined in a Sisterhood.
Your Story probably helped allot of Young Women, they just may have not Responded to this thread . But I'd bet they are thinking about being alone with some guy and " messing around ".

Good Luck Sweets and please stick around

[Stillness]

My wife and I went on a lunch date after we had been married a year or so (we've been married almost 13 years now). It was just to take time out of our day and enjoy a meal together at one of our favorite restaurants, so I thought. Instead of just lunch she poured out her heart the entire time about very sensitive, painful, and private events that had shaped her life - things I had a little idea about as we had been friends for years. She hadn't told me the half of them up until that point. She talked the entire time and I listened, only asking a question here and there. Some of the things she said made me angry. Some made me feel sorry for her. All of them were necessary to be said for me to know her like I do.

Amy37 and Little expressed a lot of my feelings on this issue. I don't think there's any wrong or right. It's your history. You own it and have the right to conceal or reveal. I think it's possible to live a happy and fulfilling life if you don't share this. I think that it would cost you a deeper level of intimacy though.

[Adviser]

I just wanted to let you all know that I have told my boyfriend about this. He was understanding, disgusted with the boy who had done it and was not even upset that I hadn't told him before - he understood how hard it was to tell. I feel so relieved that I have told him. We have decided to leave it there, in the past, and not bring it up and I have told him that anal will never be on the table for us! He said he had no desire to do that anyway! I am so happy and know that telling you all on here about it, the first people I told, has given me the strength to tell him. I also told my sister, my best friend, which was very hard, but I am glad I did so.

So, thank you all very much. I feel honest and no longer ashamed, and am really working through how it affected me, rather than trying to forget about it. I know that it was not my fault, and he really helped me to see that. It made him sad that he knew so many boys who would have done similar, that there are boys who think nothing of what a girl wants, but just force their desires upon them. I have really found a one in a million and feel like I finally deserve him now that I have shared who I am completely.

We are now closer than ever before. I have told him that I want no pity or change in his behaviour. For a few days after, he was very gentle with me, but he is now back to normal! (Not that he is not gentle normally!)

I think telling him because I wanted to, and not because I had to also made a difference. I chose to share this, not out of guilt, but because I actually wanted him to know about this experience. And that, I think, made me realise that I should feel no shame about it.

So a huge thank you to all of you.