[caster]

I hope you can get it worked out, my FWB's are some of the fondest memories I have with two very special women long before I met my wife. Never once did I consider any of it whorish, nor do I think they did either, we were friends who shared at the deepest levels, we just never allowed ourselves to fall in love.
In a way it might be why my wife and I are also best of friends, it helped me learn how to be a friend without sex being a dividing line. I know some married couples that don't know how to connect at the friendship level.

[Calicorado83]

Caster, I love that outlook too. I'd love to be a special person for him. But I don't know where he stands. It's so awkward sometimes because I try so hard to put a boundary between us. I try not to cuddle him or be touchy feely. I don't hug him or even kiss him first. We have sex but there's none of that sweetness that happens. No intimacy. I would love to touch him and hug him and cuddle him but I don't because I am trying to keep from having strong feelings. But without letting myself get close to him in those ways it can feel awkward for me sometimes, and I do end up feeling used because I'm not allowing myself what I really want from him.

[caster]

FWB's definitely aren't for everyone, it's possible you can't disconnect your feelings for someone you're intimate with. It's also entirely possible you just haven't figured out how to yet, but you are aware of your feelings so you're doing fairly well.

Your last sentence "and I do end up feeling used because I'm not allowing myself what I really want from him."
What exactly do you really want from him?

You have to realize a FWB is also a friend, not just a sex buddy. Nothing wrong with the latter, but it'll take a different approach. Sounds like you guys are friends already and friends can get close personally.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Have you ever considered the craving of a woman seeking love?

You have sex. That's it. But what you seek again in your life is love. When it's only sex and you feel used, knowing however that what you are in is what you created and wanted, you however, want more, always...

[Calicorado83]

So I have an update on this FWB situation. Tonight, he came over to my place to help me move furniture. As we are talking, he begins to ask me how my weekend has been. I tell him vaguely what I did and he began to ask more and more questions, trying to get more detailed answers from me. He finds out I had sex with an old partner of mine. I really tried to avoid telling him at all, but he finally asked if I did and he knew by me avoiding to answer that I did. So when he found out I could tell he was extremely bothered and hurt by the news. He left quickly after finding out, which confirmed that he was hurt. So he tells me in a text message a little later that even though we are fwb, it still hurt him. He said he probably shouldn't care, but he does. When I told him it was good to know he cared, he asked me, "do you care?" And I replied with, "of course I care,"

I did tell him I needed boundaries, I don't need him asking me detailed questions if he is not ready to handle the answers. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I don't ask him about his other girls because I know I care too much about him that if I heard he was with another girl, my feelings would be hurt pretty badly. He claims he isn't having sex with anyone else because he is too busy with work and school, he said though that he only makes time for people that matter, and I knew he was talking about me, that I mattered to him.

So I do know how he feels, its just all taking a course now that I'm not sure how to handle. I don't mean to hurt his feelings, but I can't keep thinking about him and developing strong feelings. I have to make sure I don't get attached.

[Calicorado83]

Caster I meant that I feel used because when I have sex with him, I am missing out on a part of the sex that matters the most to me, closeness, intimacy, sweetness, tender moments. Moments that make me feel worth something. I want him to want me for more than sex, I want him to want me for my company, and because he cares. I don't want to feel used like all I am is a piece of meat.

[caster]

You've answered a lot of your own questions and concerns. You want to feel closeness and that he cares and not be used, he does care, doesn't sound like he's using you, but you also don't want him to care because you don't want to get close. If you feel used it seems to be from your side. He seems to not want you to feel that way.
It's no wonder you're confused.
Like CW said, you may desire the love that goes with the intimacy, but it sounds like you're trying to suppress it.

Let me ask you something. What about him and the ralationship is causing you to develop feelings toward him? Is it something about him? Or do you think it's because since you're intimate with him you feel you're supposed to have strong feelings for him?

[Calicorado83]

I am a difficult person aren't I? I will just say it straight as can be and quit fooling myself. I do want a relationship and it would be wonderful if it could be with him. What I want I am literally pushing away. It's like a defense mechanism. Or its like I an trying to have my cake and eat it too. I'm trying to have him without having him. It's because I know better, but my heart doesnt.

It's the friendship that draws me to the relationship, not the sex. The sex is fun, but its not often. I just enjoy being in his company, whether it be at work or at his place or mine. Talking, hanging out, developing a friendship. That's why I care about him like I do.

I went ahead and told him today that I need a break from us for a few days to think about things. So I am desperate to figure things out by the end of the week. Pretty much I have three choices: be his friend without the benefits, not be his friend at all, or continue to be his friend with benefits. I don't know yet what I should do, I really want to give it thought so I make the right choice.

[rcoreyus]

Talk to him. Tell him what you want and find out what he wants. It may be that BOTH of you are looking for more than FWB out of this.

Most tragedies are the result of a failure of communication.

[Calicorado83]

and Rcoreyus, I know what we both want is to continue with the way things were going, as fwb. Neither him or I are really ready to settle down in a relationship. So I think I am going to continue with it. It's either that or cut off any friendship ties at all and I definitely do not want the latter. I really do care for him and consider him a good friend to me, and I want to keep that and cherish it. I don't think we can be platonic friends. There is too much attraction, so cutting out the sex would be pointless because I know its going to happen anyway if we are alone together.

I guess I am just scared of being the one that cares too much, being the one that falls. But he cares too, and that means a lot to me and I want him to kee caring.
I am going to talk to him tomorrow.