[Calicorado83]

How do I put a stop to this without ending our relationship?

I like our friendship, and I like hooking up with him, but I know that dating him is not in the future for either of us. But even with that said, how do I stop with this constantly thinking about him, wanting to be close to him, wanting to talk to him?

I thought there for awhile I was doing good. I thought I had it under control. I thought I had put a guard on my heart. But with each day passing and the more he and I talk and the more time I spend with him, I find myself wishing that I could see him again, or talk to him again, or get that "like" from him on my FB status.

I think I was doing well until lately because I have been noticing some signs from him that hint to me that he wants to see me or talk to me again too.

One night I went to his place. We had a couple of drinks and hooked up, and afterwards I laid on the couch to fall asleep. He kept telling me I could come to his bed, but I knew better than that because I wanted to put distance between anymore intimacy to ward off any sweet feelings that could develop. So I lied to him and told him I felt lightheadedness and just wanted to stay where I was for that time. He said okay, but I was more than welcome back there at anytime. Then, he brushes my hair aside and plants a long kiss to my forehead. Oh my...

At work, he asks to go on every break with me, and our breaks always last longer than they should.

He is calling me a bit more than is usual, rather than texting.

I went to his house today to hang out. After hooking up, he asked me if I wanted to go with him and get a pizza.
It was the first time I felt he wanted me along with him somewhere outside of his place and sex. It felt like the friendship part of our relationship finally got a chance, and I enjoyed the short drive to the pizza place.

I don't want to like him. Not at all. He has traits that I don't like and I know he is not good for my heart. I don't think he knows how to really be in a relationship. And I know I will never be the one for him anyway because I havea kid.

I just enjoy spending time with him and talking to him, I don't want to like him, but I find myself thinking about him quite often and I don't like it. It's frustrating. But I don't want to put an end to what we have going on. How could I explain that to him anyway? He will want to know why if I try to put a stop to it and I don't want to admit that I am not strong enough to keep my feelings and thoughts under control. I don't want to admit to him that I like him.

I knew that a FWB relationship was a risky one when I got in to it. But how do I maintain it? I don't want to end it, I just want to find that self control to continue this.

[HaplessDia01]

Unfortunately, the only real way to stop your feelings is to stop the intimacy. If you keep going with this, then you'll be seeing him and sleeping with him, and no amount of rationality will cause your feelings to dampen when you're doing everything you can to keep it going. The fact of the matter is that he doesn't really need much of a reason as to WHY you're stopping the arrangement. It was casual in nature to begin with - easy to get into it, and easy to leave - and so if you decide to drop out of it at any moment then that should be completely your choice. If he's insistent on why, just tell him that it is no longer something you're interested in doing, but that it's been fun, etc. I know this isn't the answer that you want, but it's probably the answer that you really needed to hear. Best of luck.

[Stillness]

You're developing feelings for him. And it sounds like he may be more into you than you are him. I think you're thinking with what's between your legs if you believe you can continue the intimacy without deeper feelings developing and without one or both of you getting hurt. You're playing with fire.

What does having a kid have to do with being in a relationship? I didn't get that.

[Calicorado83]

What makes it a little challenging is that even if I ended the intimacy,I know I would continue to develop more feelings because we talk everyday. We work together, go on breaks together. In fact, we spend more time together outside of the bedroom. It's those moments, not the sexual ones, that bring me to feel closer to him. I don't want to end the friendship just because I like him. I feel like I should posses more self control of my feelings.

And to clear up why having a kid matters is because that is one of the reasons he chooses not to date me, alongside the reasons that he is super busy with work and college. He says he is not ready to be a father figure. And that is understandable, I don't hold that against him at all. Having a kid is one reason I choose not to date him also. I just got out of a LTR, and I am not ready to settle down right now and bring another guy into my sons life, which is why we chose to move forward with a FWB relationship. We like each other, but don't feel like dating each other is the right move.

But still, with all that said, I feel drawn to him. I just like being in his company.

[Pollon]

Have you considered ending the sex and just being friends? That, of course, may encourage him to get his sex elsewhere. Could you handle that?

I believe FWB is not for the lonely as there is no way, that I know of, to keep the feelings as bay when you make yourself so physically vulnerable.

[Calicorado83]

Pollon, its not so much about the sex really.

[caster]

What you are asking for has no easy answer. You see this guy a lot, you are developing feelings toward him, nothing can change that. You can stomp on it, but you'll feel the hurt. Even if one of you changed jobs and you tried to be FWB you'd probably still think about him. What's he up to, does he think about me? All normal.

The two FWB I was in we only got together a few times outside of the benefits and we didn't work together, but we did talk on the phone a lot. "pre-internet days"
Both had kids, I had none and had no desire to be in a relationship with their children so we never interacted together with them. We talked and shared like friends do, we'd hook up whenever we could, sometimes days, weeks, sometimes months apart. It was the rare event that we went out, maybe a concert, dinners and such felt to much like a date. Occasionally we'd meet up at a club or something, that was kinda cool, taking them home from a club. We all liked the pick up aspect without the issues of a blind pick up.

I did have one other girl I was very attracted to, we worked together, the more we were around each other the more we were drawn to each other. That relationship skipped right from friends over FWB's and was heading straight into steady, for good or bad it ended when they shut our department down and we didn't see each other much anymore. We were from two opposite sides of the tracks so our paths would have never crossed, but working together gave us a common bond.
I think the seeing each other all the time is the driving force behind your problem, but without changing that I see no solution, but eventually something will happen.

[Calicorado83]

I think the seeing each other all the time is the driving force behind your problem, but without changing that I see no solution, but eventually something will happen.

I agree.
Thanks for your insight.

[BabyGirl]

As it's been said, the FWB rarely stays just that. Someone usually finds stronger emotions, this being pretty normal when you get your sexual needs met at whim .

I just got out of a LTR, and I am not ready to settle down right now and bring another guy into my sons life, which is why we chose to move forward with a FWB relationship. We like each other, but don't feel like dating each other is the right move.

FWB's have always confused me. most likely because I've never had a real FWB.

Myself,I felt like I was Used and was Using another person. Just for Sex. Then again, the times I've had someone in my life. I did not want to " share ", I wanted emotion, compatibility and of course sex that we both enjoyed.

I prefer to Make Love, not just satisfy Sexual Urges . I look back 40 years and see a bit of a " wild woman" in my late teens and early 20's. I admit I had a couple of guys that I just slept with when we were partying and horny. I guess that was kinda a FWB . But more an experiment if we were compatible and possibly might have a relationship.
But I never continued it , more than maybe 2 times with each guy.

It didn't feel "right " to me. I felt like I was a Free Vagina ( they block the W~hore word here ) ...to be used for just jumping into bed for sex. My self worth was questioned severely . " What am I Doing , just having Sex for the sake of sex "?
"Don't I want Love when I give my Body to someone " ?

Of course my self castigation stemmed from being raped and molested for 5 years when younger. I had decided that I was following a pattern, of Sex meant acceptance and attention and Sex meant "Love".
I was Self Abusing and Self Raping, this by having Sex without the benefit of the Love I deserved and wanted. I learned that I was " his Free Vagina " when I was 9-13 without my permission.
But I became my own "Used Free Vagina" whenever I chose to be Sexual, without having the Love.

At 20, I decided enough was enough. I loathed myself as much as I loathed my Rapist Step father. And I decided that my Body came with my Heart. They would not be Separate parts. Neither would be used without the other .
One of the Testing FWB" men ended up being my 1st husband and the Father of my 38 year old son. We did the " Romp " 3 times and I told him no more until he was committed and I was committed.

I had a Daughter prior, from the first guy I ever Drunkenly and willingly had sex with , but she was killed in a car wreck and just after that I did my 3 Romp with my sons father. We married had our son, 2 years later we Divorced.

What I'm sharing here is what I did, my Responsibility to who and how and when I allowed myself to be a " Free Vagina". I later Married again and had 2 other Children, But it sure took him allot to get my " Free Vagina ".
I Needed and Demanded Respect and Love and Companionship and then we had Sex. And then we married .. lol. That lasted almost 8 years. He needed More " Free Vagina's " while we were married .
But ...We are still friends today 36 years now.

Now closing on 60, I read all of the Young Women and Men's posts on here. It saddens me that The " Free Vagina's " are ruling their Worlds. That Sex is no longer something we dream of being with one person that loves us and we love them .

Sex is a " commodity " It is freely traded, taken or just used for Pleasure only. With little regard to the Future. And even less regard for the consequences. I am not judging anyone here, far be it for me to tell anyone how to feel. But I myself learned what was Important to me, how and when I would give my " Free Vagina ' to and what deemed that person had earned my release of my " Vaginal Treasure " Lol

Sorry for " taking over your Thread "..But my Advise is to decide if you want Sex only with him, Friendship Only with him. Then you can decide what to do. FWB is not working for you .

And you still have that " Sugar Daddy " ?
How does he feel about your Child and your having a FWB ?

This is where you should do some Very Deep Thinking.
And remember that either Man, might someday end up in your Child's life.
This is only if you decide you deserve Love and decide to share your " Free Vagina" in a more, can I say, self respecting way . One with goals that do not or do Include the " all of you " ?

[Calicorado83]

BabyGirl, I like your outlook on my body should go with my heart and vice versa. I will consider my feelings towards that definitely. He may be my friend but is he enough of my friend that he deserves my body without my heart? No, I don't feel that he is.