Ladies Opinion: What does 'No Chemistry' really mean?

[MrDarcy]

Well it's certainly great to be back here on the forums!

I've been away from this site for a long time and, and as a man, have decided to return to help improve my dating skills and relationships with women.

So I need a ladies opinion on something. What does a lady really mean when she says there is 'no chemistry'?

I've been on a lot of dates over the last six months. I've met a lot of girls on-line, in bars, and out at social gatherings. What typically happens is that I get a girl's number, call her, set up a date, then take her out for a drink and/or some sort of activity (like go see a jazz band).

These girls I date know what I look like and already know a little bit about me. And the strangest thing is that when the date finishes, I walk away feeling like I've had the most amazing time ever. The girl also comes across as though she had an amazing time too. Most times, I'll also kiss the girl half way through the date and the response is always positive. However, the next day I always receive a text saying that although they had an amazing time with me they felt no chemistry and therefore don't want to go out on another date again.

I've received a lot of these texts and it's very frustrating to receive them - particularly after having such a good time out on the date itself. Naturally, I thought I was doing or saying something wrong that pushed the girls away. Or, I probably came across as trying too hard or was too serious. Over time though, I'm pretty sure I've weeded these issues out. On dates, my intention is to have fun with the girl and do random, spontaneous things that promote flirtatiousness. In terms of looks, I'm typically the most well dressed guy in a bar. I'm well groomed, have a great fashion sense and always get compliments on my confidence and style.

Maybe I could be wrong here, but I've started to wonder if 'no chemistry' means something entirely different. I always thought that this line was a girl's way of saying "I'm not attracted to you" but now I'm not so sure. So is 'no chemistry'...

1. A girl's way of saying "I'm not attracted to you".
2. A line that is used to test a man to see if he will continue to chase.
3. A term that has been used as part of advice in a female dating book that everyone's reading. <--- I ask this because the texts are coincidentally similar in their nature. Like they've been cut and pasted from somewhere.
4. All of the above.
5. Something else which I'm missing entirely.

The other thing I haven't mentioned is that even though I get thrown the 'no chemistry' line, the girl always wants to stay in touch and remain friends. Right now, my Facebook profile is essentially a roll call of all the women I've dated over the last six months. Crazy!

Would really appreciate some help and guidance on this. It's very frustrating receiving these texts (and getting throw into the friendzone).

Hope you can help!

[antsinmypants26]

In my book, no chemistry means I'm not attracted to you, simple as that. After everything that has happened on our date I can't see this going anywhere. I'm not sure if I speak for many women or just myself, but typically I will only pursue a guy further after the first date if I can see myself with him for a prolonged amount of time. I would say that maybe they weren't into the kiss but typically that won't throw me off entirely. My first kiss with my current boyfriend didn't make time stop but there was still great chemistry there so I pursued him. There was an interest that I desired to pursue. You'll know when you meet a girl that's right for you. Just don't push anything!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

A kiss is important, I have been on many a date before and the kiss is cold, nothing, lip to lip.

Passion. A woman want's passion and the kiss needs to reflect that ..

I would say you are doing everything else right but the kiss is flat.

I don't know what else to say, French kissing without the tongue? Passion.

Welcome back.

CW

[HisGirl]

I think no chemistry means no strong attraction. It's not really code for anything else. But since you said you kiss the girls about half way through the date, then maybe you're not letting the chemistry develop and the kiss is coming across as without passion. Chemistry and attraction can be there from the beginning, but it in many situations they can also require some time to develop. Maybe wait until closer to the end of the dates to go for the kiss. That could allow time for the desire to build up. If a girl kisses someone without being really into it, then it won't feel like much and she'll put you in the "nice, but no chemistry" category. Good luck.

[Element]

Personally I've always defined "no-chemistry" as I don't feel a "spark" between me and somebody. I don't feel the want to date them. I don't see or feel any potential for a dating relationship.

I do personally believe you are rushing your first kiss with the woman. For the most part, women operate off of emotions. We feel things in a kiss. Whether it's romance, dull, like kissing your grandmother. Every person we kiss; we feel something towards them. And a part of that comes from knowing the person, the relationship we have with them, how comfortable we are with them.

If it's mid-date and you're trying to get to really know someone and you kiss them too early, you're missing out on some structure that they need to be able to feel more with you.

[MrDarcy]

Personally I've always defined "no-chemistry" as I don't feel a "spark" between me and somebody. I don't feel the want to date them. I don't see or feel any potential for a dating relationship.

I do personally believe you are rushing your first kiss with the woman. For the most part, women operate off of emotions. We feel things in a kiss. Whether it's romance, dull, like kissing your grandmother. Every person we kiss; we feel something towards them. And a part of that comes from knowing the person, the relationship we have with them, how comfortable we are with them.

If it's mid-date and you're trying to get to really know someone and you kiss them too early, you're missing out on some structure that they need to be able to feel more with you.

This makes sense to me. Kissing at the right time, when the mood is high and there's passion in the air appears to be the theme of the responses. Not to mention the importance of the kiss itself.

Many thanks for everyone's feedback. Much appreciated.

[Magnetism]

No chemistry to me is no attraction.

[donnaatthegym]

it means im not interested and not willing to give it even a shot......

[shane'sgurl]

You did not mention, how many date you've had with these girls? If it is for one date only, I don't think Chemistry will be felt right away. My opinion is, chemistry is something that two people will feel once you have known each other already. And a day of talking won't suffice to know if both of you has this so called Chemistry. Most girls just use this word to tell guys in a nice way that they don't like the guy. that's it! That there is no attraction. That there is no magic at all.

[MrDarcy]

Hi guys,

Thanks for the responses so far however, I need to work out how to fix this 'no chemistry' issue. I got out a lot and, subsequently, go on a lot of dates. If a girl is not attracted to me then why is she out with me on a date in the first place? This problem is really killing me at the moment and my phone is full of texts from girls who have given me the 'no chemistry' line after the first or second date.

Here are a couple of things that occur when I'm on dates;

1. During the first or second date, I find it very very hard to build and emotional connection with a woman. No matter what I say or do I just can't break through her emotional shields. This really annoys me because it's a primary factor that leads to the 'no chemistry' issue.

2. With all the women I've met over the last few years, very few of them have ever taken an interest in me as a person as I never get asked any personal questions. This particularly happens on dates. Even when I do get into relationship mode with a woman, they never take an interest in my family, friends, hobbies, career, life history. It implies they're not interested in getting to know the real me which I find very depressing. This also occurs when I try to open up to them or ask questions about them as a person. They just shut off and change topics.

3. Lastly, call it a bad mindset or something, but when I'm on dates, or meet women generally, I always feel like I have to impress the woman. Never the other way around. Women give me the impression that I'm not good enough for them and that I have to work hard for their attention. Maybe it's just me but a lot of this mindset comes from the questions they ask and their body language.

So, to all the dating gurus out there, how do I overcome these problems? I'd really appreciate some help here. For background, I'm a 35 year old male who has hit a glass ceiling in his dating life. There is nothing more disheartening that being told 'sorry, no chemistry' by a lady who I'm interested in romantically. How can I overcome these problems and what things can I do/ say that will build a strong emotional connection with someone?