[atskitty2]

I have been texting with a man (met online) for at least a couple weeks. Very good friendship forming and just an easy conversation, genuine and light.
He appeals to my roots-he is a little more "country" living and he's just a good guy.

So we finally met for dinner last night. It went well, but I guess we didn't click like I expected us to. The conversation was a little boring, but I think he was still nervous...I felt like I'd known him forever so I was really comfortable right away. I made some flirtatious comments which he mostly either ignored or felt uncomfortable by...so I stopped that and moved back to a low key tone.
We agreed we wanna see each other again but I'm left wondering if this is anything to be so excited about as I was 2 days ago.
I can't quite figure out what it was but something reminded me of my ex hubby too, which was annoying. It may have just been the country-ness...I haven't dated a country boy since then.

My plan is simply to see him again and see how it goes with less nerves and curiosity in play, and take it from there. I'm worried that my personality may be a little overpowering for him as far as dating. I could see us being friends and hiking buddies tho.
I'm not sure if he's attracted to me, or if I'm attracted to him...

Any thoughts?

[jen1447]

Oh, I have thoughts - and questions.

First just so I know the origins here, was he gotten thru a dating site like you used before? And texting, I assume that's not all you do (talk on the phone, skype, etc.)?

I'm sure you know this already but when you have a meet, the pressure goes up. Could be why the awkwardness, at least on his part. He may have felt like he needed to step us his game, and if he's actually a shy type in reality, that can be a tall order that results in playing it safe and not stepping up your game lol for fear it'll crash.

As to the flirtatious comments (good for you btw ), that says to me that he may not exactly be a Cassanova. (Does he flirt in text/phone btw?) I once dated a guy who was very charming and downright sexy over the phone, but once we got together it was obvious he wasn't actually very experienced. As far as that goes, if that might be the case with your guy, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and let him move at his pace. Guys can be trained at sex after all, and if you can get beyond the notion that he may be less experienced than you, there's not a lot of psychological barrier there really. That might be exactly what he's afraid of - that you'll 'expose' him and it'll all come to a screeching halt. I'd reassure him (not necessarily verbally) that you're not just a sex fiend and that a lack of experience is not a deal-breaker for you. That in turn might help him to loosen up and treat your in-person encounters more like the risk-free phone calls/texts. <<-- Assuming I'm right about any of that lol, I could be totally wrong.

As to excitement - stay excited! Much of that is in our minds anyway, so don't let a partial miss get you down. They're not all gonna be home runs anyway. You've got a guy on the line here sister, enjoy it! It'll end up being whatever it'll be anyway, so just go for the ride. I wouldn't let the ex thing bug you either, probably just a fluke.

I would bet that he's very attracted to you, which would also help to explain the nerves. And don't worry about your personality - I'm more than a lot of guys can handle that way but it doesn't stop me. Whatever you do, don't tone it down for him. That'll just change the dynamic you've already established and probably make him more uncomfortable. As to your own attraction, guess you'll have to figure that out. Time will tell.

Just enjoy it kitty, this stuff is fun!

[rcoreyus]

Remember that some people just don't "click" in person - one of the reasons I think online dating doesn't work as well as it seems it should. Someone can meet all the requirements you think you want but, for reasons that are neither person's fault, doesn't have that spark.

[atskitty2]

I agree rcorey. Usually I haven't spent quite so much time from "meeting" to meeting in person for that reason. No use in investing days of chatting if there's no chemistry, as they call it.
We'll see. I haven't ruled him out and I hope we can stay friends because I do like him, but whether dating is on the horizon, I'm not sure.

Jen, I agree with what you said. It had crossed my mind before we met that he hasn't dated a lot and felt a little awkward even in writing. There hadn't been much flirting before we met...I texted smth flirty one day and his reply was "did you just flirt with me?". But didn't flirt back...the next day he did say smth a little flirty but very subtle.

I am not sure when I'll see him again. I'm working a lot right now and it's difficult to carve out a chunk of time for much socializing. Hopefully Wednesday I will finally have some time off.

I agree. I wanna just roll with it and see where it goes. I've got advice from friends that "if you didn't see him and wanna jump him, dump him". I asked them if they knew me at all?? Lol. Because that is SO not me...
Even if the romance isn't there, I could still be buddies with him-we have a lot of similar interests, so I wouldn't be a jerk about it or just cut communication.
That may or may not be good advice, but it isn't good advice for me.

I'll keep you posted

[jen1447]

Send him a sexy text photo in the meantime and see how he reacts. Nothing ****ty, just maybe you in a top that's slightly tighter than necessary.

It sounds funny/silly (and it is kinda), but it could also be useful. If he replies again like "thanks, so how's the weather there?" maybe he really is a miss, but if he's excited, he'll be more likely to respond excitedly via the safe text route. And if that happens, it can be an indicator that you just have to warm him up to get over his nerves, not necessarily friendzone him.

[atskitty2]

Nah...the shyness has passed...a little. He suddenly is throwing flirty comments my way like there's no tomorrow... I finally asked him if he's missing me or smth. He said no, just looking fwd to seeing me soon.

It was odd...a light switch turned on or smth.

So, with the weather today we canceled our date but we're on for tmrw.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Texting is easy, you can hide behind a phone In person, is hard as body language steps in.

You don't probably know exactly his full back ground as of yet, especially the last couple of years but it's hard for a guy unless he oozes confidence and if he does, you'd have to ask if he's a player.

You're giving it a second go, good for you. I think you'll establish your answer at the end of tomorrow's date. But, whether it's a goer or just friends, getting to find out is fun.

[atskitty2]

You're right cw.

[jen1447]

I sense some making out in your near future.

[atskitty2]

Not so much Jen...
We decided to meet up tonight after all. He hasn't even tried to kiss me. I'm not complaining, and I'm not necessarily sure it is a bad thing. He just seems to be a gentleman and taking things slow. It's a different thing for me. Usually it seems sex is expected by the third date with a lot of men...it's kind of nice to not feel like part of the dinner menu. I'm really puzzled...both by his actions and how I feel about them