[jen1447]

Maybe you'll have to jump him yourself.

Seriously, you could get aggressive ....are you still keeping it to dinner/coffee or are you going somewhere more cozy? If he's really unsure, it make take you putting a kiss on him to loosen him up or at least see how he reacts, tho I understand you're not exactly ready to jump into bed for various reasons.

[Claret]

There is an old saying that goes something like - Once bitten, twice shy. Perhaps he is taking it long and slow because of rushed relationships in the past. I may think that you would want to be certain of which way this relationship could go without stepping on the gas and rushing into a sexual relationship that may not be sustainable because of differences in personalities. I'm not against physical relationships just for the sake of a physical relationship, but it seems that he may be looking for a long term relationship. What are you really looking for?

I grew up in the age of sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll. I've seen just about everything and have not led a sheltered life. After my first marriage went kaput, I had my share of one or two night stands and year-long relationships. I've now been remarried for 30 years and if I reflect upon my past the one thing that had been missing prior to meeting my husband was that period of romantic courtship. He and I had that for almost 6 months before we decided (yes decided) that we were ready to become physical. We rushed into nothing, I received phone calls in the middle of the day (just to hear my voice), I got flowers at work and at home. I was wined and dined, my opinion mattered (still does).

You've talked, texted, and now met in person. Do you think he could be your future? Do you want to know if he could be your future? If he is, then take your time, build up to the moment and the time and the space. After all what is your hurry when you may have the rest of your lives together?

[atskitty2]

Claret, I am used to men being the aggressor and wanting a lot more than I'm willing to give, very early on in dating. It's more typical that I am making them keep their hands in appropriate places and so forth. I don't mean to imply that it's potentially bad that he wants to go slow physically-i do too!...just that I'm not completely sure he's interested romantically or as a friend.

Our discussion largely consists of our dogs, work, cooking, home improvement projects...there's been very little about our romantic past or future expectations, needs, etc. Which is refreshing on some level, but also makes me feel like a buddy more than anything.

He's a good guy, which is what every woman wants. He is safe and if he is interested in me romantically, I'm sure he'd be a fine husband.
The thing is, right now, I'm not sure what I need in my life is "safe". I was thinking this morning that, what I do miss is a little rush of the beginnings of a relationship. I'm not feeling excited to see what he says or does next. I hate to use the word boring, but it's been hard to steer conversations toward new topics...he doesn't seem terribly interested to hear about some important things in my life which troubles me.

I've pretty much decided today, after last night, that this isn't what I want. I was married, I was settled and happy for many years. I'm single again and I think I need and want an adventurous and edgy sort of courtship, which doesn't seem to be happening here. I do want to be in a relationship and settled again but I think I really need some passion and fun in the beginning.
Somehow I think an invitation to come over and help hang a door may happen before we even kiss...lol.
I'm exaggerating-I think-but you get the idea?

I think a lot of good relationships begin as friendships but right now, my wounded heart and soul just needs a little fire! I do long for a man to come along and reignite that spark that's been gone for a few years. I know I'm likely to be waiting awhile, but I don't think it's fair for me to settle, and not fair to him either.

I wish he was what I needed, but its just not right now.

[jen1447]

Ha kitty, I was actually thinking too that your "not sure" answer from earlier actually was a sure answer, just mainly because when we know, we know, and there are no "hm..." moments.

Also - you go girl on not wanting safe!! For exactly the reasons you said. There's nothing like that rush of excitement even for something so simple as getting a text, rawr .... Good girl for not allowing yourself to be cheated out of it!

[atskitty2]

Jen, if I ever learn to just trust my instincts and go with it...my gut sort of whispered "no" at dinner the first night. I like to give things a chance, but I already knew it was likely not right for me.

[jen1447]

I understand hon. Well like you say, you can still have some fun with the guy, even if it's non-sexual/romantic and somebody to just hang out with.

lol ....I'm tempted to set you up, I know a guy up here who would be more what you're looking for, tho he's 'damaged' a bit too.

[atskitty2]

. Ah, that is nice of you. LDRs are not an option, but thanks.
I'm sure I'll be posting about more of my dating adventures

[jen1447]

You sure? I know he'd be perfect for you!! (Just kidding, you're probably much better off without him now that I think of it. )

[atskitty2]

Lol! Its so funny, and I'm not implying that you're thinking this way...but making conversation: there are so many people in my life that give way more thought to my dating life than I do! I'm not that worried about when and if "the one" makes his entrance.
I talk about it to friends and seek feedback because I'm like a fish out of water with dating. I am active and looking but I have little confidence here, so I talk it through with friends I generally trust. I think some are interpreting that for desperation or "need".

I'm a happy girl generally... I'm not miserable in my singleness but sure, I'd like to have a partner again.
I don't feel bad if I have no date, or if I'm the only single in a group...seems to bug them more than me!

Anywho, just chatting. Been a long day, winding down and reflecting on some comments to me today.

[jen1447]

I have to say I'm guilty of that lol, tho it's not because I'm the slightest bit worried about you - I just always have a desire to 'fix' imperfect situations for people I care about!

What comments btw ....someone whispering in your ear?