[atskitty2]

Mostly unsolicited advice from coworkers, is what I was thinking of. "You can't do all you want to do by yourself!". I can't?
You need a husband -ya just do! What all are you doing to get a husband?
"I bet if you just hang at the grocery more..." Lol

I'm not the only one-other single girls get the same.

offers to fix me up...

Really, I go about my life. I'm generally open minded and friendly, but I'm not scoping out and flirting with every man I see.
But as for friends, there's just some sense of desperation to get a man for me. It seems that way anyhow.

[jen1447]

I think people have a tendency to project their own fears on others. So for example if you've got a married coworker who's afraid of being single, she may be afraid of you being single on your behalf too, because it terrifies her, not really that she thinks you're terrified. Or another possibility - and I see this a bit being who I am - they are uncomfortable around you because you don't fit nicely into their normal categories. People like that I think tend to want to try very hard to get you to fit, but again, more for their own sake than for yours.

I get a vibe from a number of guys for example that they're worried I'm gonna steal their girlfriend ....could be something similar going on with you being a husband snatcher or something like that. I mean, why else would you go around all single and content-like after all? You must be up to no good!!

Oh one last possibility, and this may sound a bit pat, but .....jealousy. Sometimes unhappily married or connected people who see no way out may look at singles and see in them what they wish they were but can't be. That apparent freedom may look appealing (tho they are conveniently unaware of the flip side). That envy may manifest as attempts to change you so you no longer cause those feelings in them.

Ha, I started lecturing and didn't even realize it!

[atskitty2]

I see those being possible in the people I interact with, among other motivations. I think I'm viewed as the competition by some coworkers, even tho we don't socialize outside work. I feel like they think, if I were off the market, there'd be more men for them! Lol. One young lady said, "you're not dating younger guys my age are you? Are you a cougar?". That was a hilarious conversation.

Anyway...I think you're right that its more a reflection of them than me or what they want for me.

[jen1447]

Ha-ha, the big kitty's hotter than the little kittens!

[jen1447]

Hey kitty, did anything more end up happening with this guy? Or any other guys?

[atskitty2]

We still talk, friends kinda thing. Nothing "happening" for me anyway, and if there is for him, beyond friendship, he isn't saying so. The last time we met for dinner, I thought maybe something could be brewing, but I just can't get past this passive natured man...it's just not what I want, and I DID tell him that I see no future romantically...I'm not leading him on to think we're dating or potentially so.

I had a date for Saturday but he asked to reschedule for this week...no explanation, but he has a young daughter so I didn't ask.

[jen1447]

Well someone to just hang out with is nice too.

The passive nature thing is interesting, specifically in the context of implications (tho it might be interesting personally too if you know him) - I tend to doubt that he would change, or even that he could be trained to be more aggressive. It's an oddly inconsistent thing because I think aggressive people can be made to calm that part down, but it's hard to get passive people to dial it up.

At the risk of being Ms. Cynical, I bet you'd end up resenting him for it, so you're being smart with this (as usual).

[atskitty2]

That's what I think too, and I'm not out to change anyone My ex-hubby is a rather passive sort, and that was his least attractive trait for me, so I'm looking not to land that particular characteristic again, without the pendulum swinging over to some self-asserting *****.

[ThisOneThought]

Remember that some people just don't "click" in person - one of the reasons I think online dating doesn't work as well as it seems it should. Someone can meet all the requirements you think you want but, for reasons that are neither person's fault, doesn't have that spark.

Yep. Going through this kind of dating situation myself.

[Never_Accept_Defeat]

You have to understand that smart men are sizing you up just as you are them. Especially from dating sites as they are looking at every last little detail to make sure it lines up with the person they have been talking to online. As far as the first date goes he was just being shy and playing it safe. He may have also not caught on that you were flirting, some guys are just slow like that. As far as this comment about a lot "men" expecting sex by the third date that could not be further from the truth. A man will have a whole lot more respect for you if you make him wait a little while. He is not wanting to see you give it up too fast or he will assume that you do it with everyone you meet on the dating site(doesn't matter if you have met a lot of people or not it is going through his brain)