[Amber]

It is quite possible I'm not looking in the right places but online is the only place I really know of.

The online dating site allows the guy to tell you that he has a child, if he has the child living with him part time or full time, or who has one but doesn't live there at all. And the woman can say if she is looking for a guy who has the child full time or part time.

I have not selected the guy who has his child full time because I don't see how you can get to know a guy who he has the child full time. And those guys don't usually want more kids anyways. But I have selected the guy who his children live with him part time or not at all. I'm ok with that.

As for 50 year old guys, I don't want a guy that old. I'm not one of those women who think that a guy should be ten years older than you. Sadly enough about 80 percent of the guys who contact me are 50 or older. It drives me crazy.

I have limited experience with children. I always thought I would get married, and learn on the job, so to speak, with my husband's help. And my mother's help when the child is still a baby. Stuff guys have not much clue about. I guess adoption is a possibility if I was married. But if I can't find a guy who want a child, he probably doesn't want to adopt either.

I am a new auntie. But that is all I have. I always wanted more.

I believe in God but not religious enough to find a guy through Church. Maybe I should start going to more single events that I use to go to. I guess you can say that is the more natural way. It is very strange finding a guy on a dating website because everything is spelled out to you in advance. You know from his profile that he wants kids or not and that is that. There are guys who put not sure but when I see that, I think that means no but too chicken to say otherwise. It would be my luck that I fall for a guy who is "not sure" when all along what he really meant was no.

I just feel like I'm in a lost cause. Once again my life is not at all what I ever expected. I guess that is life for you. If you know me from another part of this website, you'll know my life has not been anything close to normal. The only thing about finding a guy the natural way is I feel like when I hit 40, I went into panic mode. My years to conceive are almost out the door and I feel like I'll never find him or find him too late. I can easily say, yes, I'm in a kind of panic mode!

[jen1447]

Bah, panic. You'll be fine hon, everything will work out one way or another. I say so.

Oh and you're pretty far from a lost cause. 40 with no children is not the brink of disaster.

[rcoreyus]

Not wanting to sound like a Chinese fortune cookie, but there are many paths to happiness. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that because you may not be able to follow the path you once wanted, that you can't be happy on some other path.

If you find someone and have children, that's great. If you don't you can be happy about other things in life - and enjoy the massive extra free time and money you will have. Don't feel you need to "settle" for some guy because you need to have children - that is not a path to a happy life.

[atskitty2]

I wrote a long response....sigh...it's gone.

[atskitty2]

Frustrating, but let me try this again

Hi Amber! I'm 41, divorced a couple years now & back into the dating scene, using the online sites as a tool also.

First, I don't think there's any reason to give up your dream, & certainly, don't panic!!! But I think it's a good idea to expand your dreams & realize there's more than one route to happy. My life hasn't turned out the way I'd hoped & planned either, but none of us are ever guaranteed anything, we just have to roll with it, stay positive & keep moving forward.

I don't have kids of my own and realize I likely never will, and I'm ok with that. It was never something I wanted badly anyway. There are other ways to meet the maternal need that you have. Some good suggestions have been made here, and there are others. Don't rule out adoption or fostering - there are organizations who help subsidize the cost. Look into that. But consider the fact that you can meet your needs with out a man & a baby in your own life.
There are big brother/big sister type organizations & many other types of work you can get into. Maybe consider a career change even, to allow you to work with youngsters every day.

I volunteer with teenagers. It's created an outlet for my mothering instincts & I am very happy doing it. It's satisfying, rewarding & I don't feel like I've missed out on anything in my life. It's culturally enriching for me, and I feel like I'm making a difference in the world, not just in my own life, or the kids I work with. I've done this for about 7 yrs now.

I think when we put limits & narrow ideas on what will make us happy & keep us happy, we get ourselves into a rut, discouraged because that just may not be what "fate" has in store for us.

Online dating is a treat isn't it? I have made some friends, but no real love interests. I'm having fun with it tho, and that's the real objective. I've had a ton of laughs, have great stories to tell & sometimes the attention just makes me feel good too!

I will tell you, that a man will smell a woman with an "agenda" a mile away. It's good to be up front & honest about your wants, needs & priorities, but it may be that your underlying motive to have a baby comes across much stronger than you realize. Even a man who wants kids may feel undue pressure & be a little put off by this. I don't know if that's happening, but my suspicion is that's coming in to play somewhere. And not all men are after a young thing either. I get contacted by men 19-60, and they mostly have their own agenda as well...but there are good guys out there-even in the crazy world of online dating. I've met some really good guys, but they just weren't good for me, or I wasn't what they're looking for. It happens, and those are some of the friends I've made.

Just have fun. We are young!! Dating is supposed to be fun, so just HAVE fun with it, and the right guy will eventually come along, (maybe). But if not, you still have some memories, some fun experiences & times to look back on. If nothing else, you & I will be sitting, single in our rocking chairs around age 85 talking about the hottie who still has all his natural teeth in the room down the hall!

[jen1447]

kitty, I didn't know about your volunteer work. I'm impressed sister.

[atskitty2]

I have always had a soft spot for teens I think, so it's a great fit for me. I wish I could turn it into a paying job