Women's Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Looking up girls on facebook

Collapse
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Looking up girls on facebook

    I have been with this guy for about a year now. We have a pretty good relationship. Last week I went over to his house and was on is computer. Yes I looked at his history. This is not the first time I have seen him looking up girls on facebook. I told him it bothers me but I realize that it is natural for people to look. He looks up girls he has known from the past, or from work. It makes me feel insecure. I dont understand why he has to look up all these other girls so much when he has me. I do not think I am ugly. This last time I looked I saw he looked up one of my friends that hit on him last time we all hung out and a girl that he was talk talking to when we first got together and he is going to move to her city soon (which isnt too far from me). When we first got together there was a issue about girls and him flirting excessively or crossing the line; however, he has not physically cheated on me. Over the course of our relationship I can say that that aspect has greatly improved. I don't know if I am just being the typical girl about being upset, if I should be upset and he is in the wrong or if I am over reacting.

  • It's one thing to look at porn/etc...it's another to start picking out specific targets and contingency plans. He may be lining them up in a row in case anything happens between you two, or the opportunity presents itself for him to have a little on the side.

    Not healthy :/

    Comment


    • I'm not so sure ....might be helpful to look at it from the other side, do you really expect him to have no curiosity about other people whatsoever? People look up exes and random other people on Facebook all the time. You could almost say that's what Facebook's for - to creep people lol.

      It seems to me that if you hope or expect to maintain that level of control over a partner, you're asking for heartache because very few will utterly devote themselves to you that way, and they really shouldn't. Being a partner doesn't mean becoming a servant, their identity should be maintained thruout. Now if you have some intuition that this guy is shady and might be up to no good with this, that's a different story and you should lose him because he's shady, not because he uses Facebook for things not approved by you.
      [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

      Comment


      • Is he looking up girls, or chatting with them? I agree with Jen that curiosity is natural, and FB seems to have been built for stalkers.

        Looking at someone's web history is iffy to me. I can see how it might be difficult to resist due to curiosity, but it is a substantial invasion of privacy. I guess I'm OK with it if you really can't resist, but I don't think its right to blame someone for what you find. (You can leave if you want - but you always have the option of leaving a relationship for any reason.).

        Comment


        • I do agree a lot with you, I see you commented on my other post in sex lol I do think you have good reasonable responses. I guess to me its the people he is looking up. Like I am not good enough.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by jen1447 View Post
            I'm not so sure ....might be helpful to look at it from the other side, do you really expect him to have no curiosity about other people whatsoever? People look up exes and random other people on Facebook all the time. You could almost say that's what Facebook's for - to creep people lol.

            It seems to me that if you hope or expect to maintain that level of control over a partner, you're asking for heartache because very few will utterly devote themselves to you that way, and they really shouldn't. Being a partner doesn't mean becoming a servant, their identity should be maintained thruout. Now if you have some intuition that this guy is shady and might be up to no good with this, that's a different story and you should lose him because he's shady, not because he uses Facebook for things not approved by you.
            I do agree a lot with you, I see you commented on my other post in sex lol I do think you have good reasonable responses. I guess to me its the people he is looking up. Like I am not good enough. That is why the first reply on my post is accurate in what I feel like, but feelings can be irrational and the last reply I also agree with. He does not chat with them no. and yes I try very hard to fight that curiosity not to snoop but I did last week. He never gets upset or feels violated when I ask him about it tho
            Last edited by honeybee888; 03-17-2014, 09:31 AM.

            Comment


            • I understand hon but it really does sound like something you need to resolve within yourself. I mean, are you really prepared to enforce the terms and conditions of a no-Facebook policy with him - constant monitoring and all that? Seems like realistically your choices are learn to live with it or get a new guy.
              [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

              Comment


              • Originally posted by jen1447 View Post
                I understand hon but it really does sound like something you need to resolve within yourself. I mean, are you really prepared to enforce the terms and conditions of a no-Facebook policy with him - constant monitoring and all that? Seems like realistically your choices are learn to live with it or get a new guy.
                Your right I do believe I do have a couple underlining self esteem issues that are within me. No I'm not saying he cant look up anyone, it just bothered me that he did more so than I think might be normal and the there were a couple people that he looked up that bothered me. but talking to more people about it I do feel that it is a self esteem issue and a trust issue as well that I have within myself. Yall all have really good input and it has helped me!!

                Comment


                • You could always remind him that it's 2014, and he should know how to delete internet history by now. Ignorance is bliss.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Archer View Post
                    You could always remind him that it's 2014, and he should know how to delete internet history by now. Ignorance is bliss.
                    lmao!!! aint that the truth!!!

                    Comment


                    • Yeah, as stated before it is 2014. There is no big deal if he only surfs for porn or facebook. It's natural for men, I guess. If you'll be too strict about it and get too much in "his own comfort zone" it might blow up, sister.

                      Comment


                      • A good question to ask yourself is whether he makes you feel that you are not good enough in other situations. Does he not pay attention to you when you are out? Was he receptive when your friend hot on him? Do you notice him looking at other women or comparing you unfavorably to other women?

                        If the answers are no and the only insecurity you have is his Facebook history, then you probably have nothing to fear. As you wrote, he has not been unfaithful. But, if you have been made to feel unworthy in other situations, this may be part of a pattern for the two of you to discuss and work through.
                        "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

                        Comment


                        • You know, you are saying he's also looking up his work colleagues.

                          Have you ever considered that he has a massive, inquisitive mind? Looking up what people are doing/saying on face-book tends to give you insight to their personality as well as their life. Allows you to see them more for themselves than otherwise, just saying hi as you pass them at work etc.
                          PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                          Comment


                          • OP do you wish to reply to the member's posts to date and let us know what you think?
                            PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                            Comment


                            • I LOVE all of your response! It has given me a lot to think about! I have not looked at his compu history when I have been his his house, mainly to shield my insecurities! He does not make me feel unattractive. The comment about him being bored with me could be possible; however, I feel that if he were bored he would tell me or not have sex with me as much. I am trying really hard not to focus on these insecurities because i have seen our relationship improve in that regard by me just stepping back.

                              Comment

                              or

                              Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

                              Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

                              Latest Activity On Our Forums

                              Collapse

                              Latest Topics On Our Forums

                              Collapse

                              Working...
                              X