[honeybee888]

I have been with this guy for about a year now. We have a pretty good relationship. Last week I went over to his house and was on is computer. Yes I looked at his history. This is not the first time I have seen him looking up girls on facebook. I told him it bothers me but I realize that it is natural for people to look. He looks up girls he has known from the past, or from work. It makes me feel insecure. I dont understand why he has to look up all these other girls so much when he has me. I do not think I am ugly. This last time I looked I saw he looked up one of my friends that hit on him last time we all hung out and a girl that he was talk talking to when we first got together and he is going to move to her city soon (which isnt too far from me). When we first got together there was a issue about girls and him flirting excessively or crossing the line; however, he has not physically cheated on me. Over the course of our relationship I can say that that aspect has greatly improved. I don't know if I am just being the typical girl about being upset, if I should be upset and he is in the wrong or if I am over reacting.

[Archer]

It's one thing to look at porn/etc...it's another to start picking out specific targets and contingency plans. He may be lining them up in a row in case anything happens between you two, or the opportunity presents itself for him to have a little on the side.

Not healthy :/

[jen1447]

I'm not so sure ....might be helpful to look at it from the other side, do you really expect him to have no curiosity about other people whatsoever? People look up exes and random other people on Facebook all the time. You could almost say that's what Facebook's for - to creep people lol.

It seems to me that if you hope or expect to maintain that level of control over a partner, you're asking for heartache because very few will utterly devote themselves to you that way, and they really shouldn't. Being a partner doesn't mean becoming a servant, their identity should be maintained thruout. Now if you have some intuition that this guy is shady and might be up to no good with this, that's a different story and you should lose him because he's shady, not because he uses Facebook for things not approved by you.

[rcoreyus]

Is he looking up girls, or chatting with them? I agree with Jen that curiosity is natural, and FB seems to have been built for stalkers.

Looking at someone's web history is iffy to me. I can see how it might be difficult to resist due to curiosity, but it is a substantial invasion of privacy. I guess I'm OK with it if you really can't resist, but I don't think its right to blame someone for what you find. (You can leave if you want - but you always have the option of leaving a relationship for any reason.).

[honeybee888]

I do agree a lot with you, I see you commented on my other post in sex lol I do think you have good reasonable responses. I guess to me its the people he is looking up. Like I am not good enough.

[honeybee888]

I'm not so sure ....might be helpful to look at it from the other side, do you really expect him to have no curiosity about other people whatsoever? People look up exes and random other people on Facebook all the time. You could almost say that's what Facebook's for - to creep people lol.

It seems to me that if you hope or expect to maintain that level of control over a partner, you're asking for heartache because very few will utterly devote themselves to you that way, and they really shouldn't. Being a partner doesn't mean becoming a servant, their identity should be maintained thruout. Now if you have some intuition that this guy is shady and might be up to no good with this, that's a different story and you should lose him because he's shady, not because he uses Facebook for things not approved by you.

I do agree a lot with you, I see you commented on my other post in sex lol I do think you have good reasonable responses. I guess to me its the people he is looking up. Like I am not good enough. That is why the first reply on my post is accurate in what I feel like, but feelings can be irrational and the last reply I also agree with. He does not chat with them no. and yes I try very hard to fight that curiosity not to snoop but I did last week. He never gets upset or feels violated when I ask him about it tho

[jen1447]

I understand hon but it really does sound like something you need to resolve within yourself. I mean, are you really prepared to enforce the terms and conditions of a no-Facebook policy with him - constant monitoring and all that? Seems like realistically your choices are learn to live with it or get a new guy.

[honeybee888]

I understand hon but it really does sound like something you need to resolve within yourself. I mean, are you really prepared to enforce the terms and conditions of a no-Facebook policy with him - constant monitoring and all that? Seems like realistically your choices are learn to live with it or get a new guy.

Your right I do believe I do have a couple underlining self esteem issues that are within me. No I'm not saying he cant look up anyone, it just bothered me that he did more so than I think might be normal and the there were a couple people that he looked up that bothered me. but talking to more people about it I do feel that it is a self esteem issue and a trust issue as well that I have within myself. Yall all have really good input and it has helped me!!

[Archer]

You could always remind him that it's 2014, and he should know how to delete internet history by now. Ignorance is bliss.

[honeybee888]

You could always remind him that it's 2014, and he should know how to delete internet history by now. Ignorance is bliss.

lmao!!! aint that the truth!!!