[rcoreyus]

sp346's question also brings up the issue of what sort of hurt. Is it reasonable for someone to insist that their partner not watch porn, if that partner is always available to them sexually when they want? Is that different from insisting that a partner not use a sex toy under the same conditions?

I think that watching porn and not providing for your partner's sexual needs is bad. I think it is a much trickier question if it is a case that they don't like the porn watching but are not being hurt directly.

[Pollon]

The argument can be made that porn (like pot, alcohol, drugs, gambling) is not a problem for some who participate as performers or users. However, I think it would be difficult to make the case that any of these activities are, as whole, good for society or morally beneficial.

The simple test is to ask ourselves, "Would I want or encourage my child (at any age) to participate in it?"

[effy2014]

sp346's question also brings up the issue of what sort of hurt. Is it reasonable for someone to insist that their partner not watch porn, if that partner is always available to them sexually when they want? Is that different from insisting that a partner not use a sex toy under the same conditions?

An excellent point. Watching porn is like any other boundary in a relationship. One that should be discussed and compromises reached. The less sexual among us can't generally see why someone needs to have an orgasm a day (or week or month). The more sexual among us can't understand why our partners don't want sex every hour.

I'm not sure it's "have sex more often or let me watch porn". Maybe Penthouse letters and erotic literature are more acceptable for a sexual release. Couples need to see AND empathize with both sides of the issue. The alternative is way worse -- expressed in a new thread asking why my spouse cheated on me.

[effy2014]

Maybe my previous response would be the question back to faeluna. Assuming that porn was used by your boyfriend or husband for a sexual release, and you were unavailable, unwilling or uninspired at the time, what would you suggest as a more acceptable alternative?

[jns]

I think porn can be destructive, but it can be good, too. It depends on how people use it. That is both in and out of relationships. Your poll does not have an answer that is close to how I view porn.

[faeluna]

Maybe my previous response would be the question back to faeluna. Assuming that porn was used by your boyfriend or husband for a sexual release, and you were unavailable, unwilling or uninspired at the time, what would you suggest as a more acceptable alternative?

My current boyfriend watched porn in his previous marriage because his wife wouldn't sleep with him (she just wasn't sexual), but he does not now. We've talked about it and other than there being absolutely no need (my drive is comparable if not higher than his), it would hurt me immensely if I found out he watched it again.

In previous relationships where my boyfriend watched porn, I could NEVER understand why. I was never unwilling or unavailable, but he was - due to PORN!

Alternatives? What kind of situation is this? Big difference in sex drive? Small one? I don't see anything wrong with masturbation or toys if your partner just doesn't want sex that much, but I draw a VERY distinct line with porn because it involved ANOTHER PERSON/PEOPLE. I believe in being completely monogamous and looking at another person's naked body or people having sex is cheating to me - period.
If the difference is small, I think the other person should just hold out and make it that much more awesome when it does happen. I have to do that sometimes. If I have to wait an extra couple days to get off, I'm not going to masturbate... it's only a couple days!

[effy2014]

The argument can be made that porn (like pot, alcohol, drugs, gambling) is not a problem for some who participate as performers or users. However, I think it would be difficult to make the case that any of these activities are, as whole, good for society or morally beneficial.

The simple test is to ask ourselves, "Would I want or encourage my child (at any age) to participate in it?"

One can make this argument about all forms of entertainment: rap that has demeaning lyrics, movies whose point is to kill the most number of people, video games like Grand Theft Auto. They are all here to stay.

Unfortunately, our children will participate in one or more of the activities you named. It is our responsibility to teach them the difference between right and wrong, the importance of moderation and what behaviors can be destructive.

[Stillness]

The simple test is to ask ourselves, "Would I want or encourage my child (at any age) to participate in it?"

Awesome question. I wonder how many people that think porn is OK would be OK with their child working in the industry. My guess would be just about 0.

[effy2014]

Alternatives? What kind of situation is this? Big difference in sex drive? Small one? I don't see anything wrong with masturbation or toys if your partner just doesn't want sex that much, but I draw a VERY distinct line with porn because it involved ANOTHER PERSON/PEOPLE. I believe in being completely monogamous and looking at another person's naked body or people having sex is cheating to me - period.
If the difference is small, I think the other person should just hold out and make it that much more awesome when it does happen. I have to do that sometimes. If I have to wait an extra couple days to get off, I'm not going to masturbate... it's only a couple days!

You wrote that it was never ok. Is it ok if the sex drives of the partners are very different? Would you consider divorce a better alternative than porn? I agree with you that if watching porn interferes with intimacy in a relationship, then it has to stop.

You are certainly entitled to the opinion that watching a film with a naked woman is the same as bringing another woman physically into the relationship. That definition of monogamy is a bit too restrictive for me, as I can tell the difference between reality and fantasy. I'd never ask my SO who she might think about while masterbating . . . it's not my issue (of course it would be me -- lol). As long as the thoughts stay in the brain and are not acted out, we still have a loving and monogamous relationship.

[effy2014]

Awesome question. I wonder how many people that think porn is OK would be OK with their child working in the industry. My guess would be just about 0.

There are lots of activities that are "Ok" even if I wouldn't want my child involved. Boxing comes immediately to mind as does a race car driver. I wouldn't want my daughter to take her clothes off for Playboy, but if she chose to do that, I would support her decision. Life is never that clean cut.