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Moving past awkward stages of dating

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  • Moving past awkward stages of dating

    I met a guy in person (from online website). He is everything he said he was in terms of his profile. We have been on 2 dates alone, 2 dates in which I met some of his friends. We have "clicked" really well so far. He has told me he wants to take things slow, which I'm greatful for. He has given me long hugs when we leave one another, like he doesn't want to part. The last time he did that I stayed in my spot for a few seconds and he walked away. I was hoping he would kiss me or even for a 2nd long hug but it didn't happen. That was a few days ago. He likes talking on the phone with me and just told me he got the vibe that I wanted that and asked if I felt he was distancing himself from me. I told him he's moving at the pace he feels is right. He said he's afraid of getting hurt again and doesn't want to hurt me. He's scared and he's scared to hurt me. I suggested he think positive because I believe we headed in the right direction. He stated he will keep his wall up but will take it down eventually. I told him do what he's comfortable with and I'm not going to hurt him because I too have dealt with bad relationships. I'm not sure if this is a flirtation ship or not. All we have done is flirting/bumped into each other playfully, cuddled (he fell asleep while we cuddled a few times), been out to dinner on dates, and held hands while cuddling. It all feels very right to me.
    I just don't know how to ride this fine line. My past relationships were pretty straight forward I thought. Any advice? I don't want to ruin this because I feel like it really could work. At the same time we have only been talking/dating since around June 2nd.

  • I also told him I'm used to moving faster but I'm glad he wants to move slow. It's going to take me a minute to adjust but it will be worth the wait. He wants to make sure everything is right first. Which I'm happy about that.

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    • I have two suggestions -

      One, keep doing exactly what you're doing! If you're happy and he's happy with the slow progress, and you sense a genuine bond forming, then it all sounds good. I understand the tendency to think something must be wrong based on getting bitten in the butt in the past, but really, I don't see any particular danger looming.

      Two, kiss him! If you want a kiss, make it happen sister. This is 2014, we don't have to wait for guys to make the first move anymore. If you're hugging and all that and you want a kiss but you feel him pulling away, drag him back and just put your mouth right in front of his so he gets the message. If he still doesn't pucker up, just put one on him yourself. If he still resists or acts weird about it, then something else is going on and you should have a talk, but I doubt that will happen. People who want to go slow because of past hurts usually shove that off a lot sooner than they like to think they will once the fun hormones start flying again.

      Good luck and have fun with it all.
      [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

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      • I like your way of thinking. This is the first guy I've dated that hasn't kissed me by this time so I'm not used to it. I believe things are going very right.

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        • Yea, I agree with Jen. Kiss him! My GF kissed me me to be honest, so you should try the same! He probably wants to kiss you but some guys will be a little more cautious than not because it is always safer to go a little slower than a little too fast.
          [B]"Are you serious? You're [i]bleeping[/I] THAT girl?"[/B][B] - [COLOR="#B22222"]jen1447[/COLOR][/B]

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          • Tip: guys seem to worry about their kissing abilities sometimes too, so if he's shy on that score you need to be the aggressor. If he's no good at it, by taking the initiative you'll make yourself the doer with him the receiver, which is better for proper training as opposed to having him drag his teeth over your lips trying to appear accomplished.
            [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

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            • Okay. Noted I asked him if he thought it was a bad thing that I wanted to kiss him but I didn't push it and he said no. He just said he will keep his wall up for now. Could it go downhill if I did kiss him? (Assuming we still have a genuine connection). He said he spoke up to make sure we are on the same page.

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              • I assume you're a good kisser (most all women are), so no, it won't go downhill. Quite the opposite. Well, the only way it could is if he has serious hangups, but if that's so, kissing will be the least of your problems. Just do it hon, it doesn't have to be a 10 minute tongue-lashing. Even a little peck will likely set him spinning!
                [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

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                • I don't believe he has any hang ups. He has talked about his exes and stated he is over them. We both just broke up with our most recent exes a month or so ago. Niether one of us sees a point in moping around which is why we bounced back. He knows enough about my exes as well. We have both been previously engaged to other people. So I understand where he's coming from. Kinda. Lol

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                  • That he keeps bringing up this wall thing concerns me. Is it possible he is just dating you for the hopes of forgetting his ex?

                    Kiss him and see what happens. Jen is right again, kissing him will send him spinning... It did for me when my current GF kissed me, and it's not like it was my first kiss
                    [B]"Are you serious? You're [i]bleeping[/I] THAT girl?"[/B][B] - [COLOR="#B22222"]jen1447[/COLOR][/B]

                    Comment


                    • Contrary opinion here:

                      You've both had engagements fail, you're both recently out of relationships, you've known each other for 15 days and you're already saying things like "it really could work."

                      I'd be scared of you if you are already freaking out about where the relationship is going and whether or not it is moving too fast or too slow.

                      While he might enjoy you kissing him first, he might also feel like you're throwing yourself at him, too needy or too anxious to speed things up. Once you start breaking the physical boundaries, it's not that easy to stop things because of either the heat of the moment or fear of hurting the other person.

                      "keeping his wall up for now" is likely his way of saying, "I'm not ready to make myself vulnerable to you or be in a full-blown relationship."

                      I think trying to bash down his wall with kisses is a mistake. Stick to a slow steady pace, lots of communication, get to know him and build a friendship before you get physical.

                      If you can't be patient, find someone else.

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                      • They're already reasonably physical tho.

                        Originally posted by horsyluvr
                        All we have done is flirting/bumped into each other playfully, cuddled (he fell asleep while we cuddled a few times), been out to dinner on dates, and held hands while cuddling. It all feels very right to me.
                        If they cuddle up together and hold hands and fall asleep on the couch and all that, I don't think it's unreasonable to want to share a kiss. Plus they've been on four dates. Everybody's got their own pace, but that's pretty slow for just getting a peck on the lips.
                        [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

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                        • He has only brought up this wall twice. Being that he's introduced me to his friends, I wasn't too concerned about that.

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                          • That being dating me to get over his ex. He also calls me around 3x per day ish.

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                            • Also I should probably mention he started the cuddling, hand holding, and stuff. He started all of it.

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