[jen1447]

I really doubt that there's any demonstrable tendency in white American men overall to be reluctant to approach Indian women. For myself, I wouldn't hesitate except for the normal reasons (with someone etc.) or if she was in a cultural setting where it would seem like I'd be intruding.

[Magnetism]

I would like to think so as well. The man that told me that white men are scared of Indian women ironically liked me, but I didn't see him as a long term partner. He drank too much alcohol, called women c****nts, and struggled with getting a job. Since boston people are generally stand offish, I would sometimes would wonder if it's my skin color. The fact is that it's probably just the people's demeanor.

[jen1447]

He was probably just covering for his own problems. Are you looking for a white guy?

[Magnetism]

Jen-I'm open, but I don't want to limit myself to Indians only. I will say that I connected better with my Eastern European ex than my Indian ex. I did feel strong attraction for the young men in Italy as well (tall, thin and dark-haired)

[jen1447]

I think it's fun to go outside the 'normal' bounds from time to time. You should have no trouble in general finding people to date hon. Try out one of each!

[Magnetism]

Thank you! I don't think it's a problem either. My weakness is just allowing other people's opinions to influence me.

[jen1447]

Well we can fix that. For example, repeat after me - **** the guy from Boston.

[effy2014]

Reluctance is an interesting word that has a pejorative tone to it. I think there is always some hesitancy in going outside of your own cultural bounds, especially if you are thinking about a LTR. Attraction, however, trumps hesitancy. Be open as you are and you will meet lots of eligible men. You have a great personality here!

[Claret]

Those who know me are aware that I took a job out of state just to be on my own. I wanted freedom, and didn't bother to evaluate the city's culture that I was moving to. After a few years, I've realized that I'm better off going back to my hometown next month. There's no point in staying here forever.

The area that I live in now is notoriously known for being rude, stand-offish, puritanical, and cliquish. Having talked to other people from out-of-state, they have made the same observation an. Google searches are also filled with complaints on this city being tough for making friends and dating. A person here may not intentionally want to be mean, but their gruff mannerisms can be uncomfortable to someone that was raised to be polite and hospitable. A native person here may see my personality as "weak", but it's the norm where I grew up. Even if I tried to be the abrasive, road-raging, heavy-drinking, and sports-loving type, it would feel FAKE.

I just visited a country in Southern europe and took note of how different the men were. What I saw in just one week in Europe isn't what I saw during the five years that I lived in my current town. The men in the European country just LOVE women. Just step out on the street, and they smile, start a conversation, offer to help, make eye-contact, and will compliment. It was so EASY to connect/conversate with them, even if they didn't speak English well. I didn't get an angry, stand-offish or complaining vibe from the men in the European country that I visited. Yeah, a week isn't enough to see the negative traits of a country. But, it was a breath of fresh air compared to seeing male road-ragers in the current town that I live in.

Someone could say, "Maybe it's YOU! There are good people everywhere." Sure, there are nice people here. I still feel that a town's culture can be more harsh than other places. There are some men here that hit on you, ask for your number or take you out on a date. But, it's just NOT the right fit.

I'm both happy and relieved to move back to my hometown, where living expenses are much cheaper, family support is right around the corner, old friends are there to connect with and introduce to more friends, roads are easy to drive in, and people value a warm and friendly demeanor.

Have you had a similar experience, where you realized that you were in the wrong city? Did you easily click with other people when you moved?

I moved with my husband to our current city 5 years ago. The city where I come from is known to be Friendly. We go out of our way to make new neighbours, co-workers, strangers comfortable and welcome. Where I am now is so superficial. You are graded on the age of your car, the make of your car, the designer clothing. You are expected to put on full dinner parties, supply the food, liquor, and sometimes even the entertainment.

If they are somewhat friendly with you it's because you can provide something they want. Once they have it you are put back into the drawer.

Where I came from we had pot-luck dinners, chipped in for pizza, drove clunkers in the winter. Here, it seems that people are polite and smile as you walk into a room, but then when you leave the room they will make snarky comments. Outside of work or special committees that you may be working on, they ignore you. Neighbours don't even wave or say hello.


I used to say a stranger was only a friend I hadn't met yet, but now I'm not sure. Even in stores, they bump (crash) into you, blab something snarky about you being in their way, sneer at you and then push by.

I understand what you are saying - completely. I'm trying to make the best of things, but would dearly love to get back to my roots. They understand me there, and more importantly I understand them.

[Magnetism]

Reluctance is an interesting word that has a pejorative tone to it. I think there is always some hesitancy in going outside of your own cultural bounds, especially if you are thinking about a LTR. Attraction, however, trumps hesitancy. Be open as you are and you will meet lots of eligible men. You have a great personality here!

Thanks, claret. Do you mind if I ask where you live? I understand if you want to keep that private. Effy-thanks for your compliment.