[CHANDLERS WISH]

Madg IDK came to me.

I'm of a mature age.

With that, usually "as long as they don't have baggage or are looking for a fling" they are out there.

Rare but they are.

If I was to give you any advise, I would say. Stop listening to your friends, they probably want what you want

Listen to your soul.

Believe and put it out there into the Universe.

See it all in reality when it broaches you and listen to your gut feeling.

Laugh when you know they just want sex, smile when you know they think you are hot

Wait.

Be patient and be true to yourself.

And, keep looking in that mirror because what you have to offer loads of men want, they just have to find you.

CW

[lollygag]

A therapist shout NOT be telling you that you're due for a fling! thats not good at all for your mental health for a therapist to go get you and "play" around like that

[effy2014]

It seems like wanting the right partner to fall in love with is stigmatized , or maybe I'm with the wrong people. I'm an old fashioned romantic

I sincerely hope that your generation does not stigmatize waiting for a loving relationship. In the end, it is how each of us deals with the emotional aspects of intimacy. As you have posted, once a relationship becomes sexual, it has a significant emotional component to you; therefore, you need a relationship in conjunction with intimacy. Others, who view sex simply as a means for pleasure, might find the necessity of a relationship too confining. There is no "correct view", just what is right for you.

As for your friends, CW raises a good point. Sometimes our views justify our behaviors. If you want sex and can't find a relationship, then you must convince yourself that a relationship is not necessary. The criticism directed to you is just a further justification of their own behavior. Anything "traditional" gets a bad rap of being outdated. I am personally a proponent of monogamous loving relationships -- I don't mind being stigmatized with that label.

[Magnetism]

Yeah, I will say these people aren't happy. One girl that sleeps around says she's sick of being dumped every month. To her , my situation isn't that bad bc she has had 50 flings that didn't work out. If I was in her shoes, I couldn't even function with all that heartbreak. There are dating sites that say don't be too desperate about marriage. While I agree that it's too heavy to mention this stuff during the early stages of dating, it's unfortunate that wanting a life partner is seen as desperate. I've also heard people my age say that all men cheat, love doesn't exist, blah blah blah.

[DreamP346]

Yeah, I will say these people aren't happy. One girl that sleeps around says she's sick of being dumped every month. To her , my situation isn't that bad bc she has had 50 flings that didn't work out. If I was in her shoes, I couldn't even function with all that heartbreak. There are dating sites that say don't be too desperate about marriage. While I agree that it's too heavy to mention this stuff during the early stages of dating, it's unfortunate that wanting a life partner is seen as desperate. I've also heard people my age say that all men cheat, love doesn't exist, blah blah blah.

Goodness, Magnetism, you are surrounded by some depressing folks who have their priorities all mixed up. As a person who engaged in casual sex and had no problem separating the emotions out of sex, I will say that it is not for all. In fact, very few people can do that. Evolutionary wise, we are made to bond and develop emotional attachment after sex. I think people like me are anomalies. And one of the reasons I was able to do that was because I was emotionally dysfunctional so sex was easier than bonding.

Anybody who says all men cheat are clueless sexists.

[jen1447]

Did that girl's flings not work out or just run their natural course? A fling is usually not something done with the intent of anything longterm. If she was searching for love in flings, that is kinda sad, but if all she wanted was 50 flings ....

I think the dating sites probably mean that you won't be as successful finding someone via their sites if you push the marriage or longterm agenda too hard, not that wanting a marriage or longterm relationship is desperate.

btw, some sources say now that women cheat more than men!

[Magnetism]

Jen-I don't verbally mention or push anything when meeting someone new. I would rather get to know someone first. As for that girl, she says she wants sex first. Then, she falls for them and chases after them. The guy pulls away. She's also okay being "the other woman". I told her that I don't believe in smothering. Yeah, I agree that women are just as likely to cheat.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Yeah, I will say these people aren't happy. One girl that sleeps around says she's sick of being dumped every month. To her , my situation isn't that bad bc she has had 50 flings that didn't work out. If I was in her shoes, I couldn't even function with all that heartbreak. There are dating sites that say don't be too desperate about marriage. While I agree that it's too heavy to mention this stuff during the early stages of dating, it's unfortunate that wanting a life partner is seen as desperate. I've also heard people my age say that all men cheat, love doesn't exist, blah blah blah.

There is a lesson there that your friend has to learn. It's called "keep your legs closed for a while". We are human beings, if something is offered and wanted, it will be taken.

After 50 she's hardened herself and now, does not believe love exists when she more than likely doesn't love herself enough.

If your profile states you are searching for a long term partner, that says it all. It's sussing out the dates to see if they are looking for the same.

When I dated D, I made it clear on the 2nd date what I was after, wasn't after and that included the sexual component, really strange, made me feel very powerful within myself. I knew what I wanted and wasn't going to settle for anything less. He admired that and everything was quickly out in the open. Here we are 4.5 years later.

Men cheat, women cheat and then there are those that have no interest and purely want a long term partner and find one.

It boils down to making the right decision of who you date and to me that boils down to who you are and what you want in life.

Too many people settle. Then get hurt.

[effy2014]

In my view, people cheat because it's easier than fixing a relationship that has become broken. Relationships take a lot of effort. You have to learn how to communicate. You need to put your partner's happiness before your own. You need to listen . . . to criticism (without getting defensive) and to your partner's needs. Then, of course, act on both.

There is also one important truth that I have experienced. One person can't fix a two person problem.

[Magnetism]

Cw-I definitely think people have to be at the right place to attract the right relationship. These few years have been a struggle, but worth the lesson. As for listing looking for a long term partner on dating sites, I have still had guys looking for casual sex message me. I would ignore them, and just observe someone's behavior on dates. Guys that wanted relationships showed through their actions or either brought up exclusivity. I'm happy for you and d. I also like hearing people find love later in life!