[jns]

Do your kids know that you didn't want them?

[DreamP346]

Do your kids know that you didn't want them?

I didn't say I didn't want them. I didn't want to have biological kids. But I decided to have kids and therefore I did want THEM. I decided I wanted to have something I didn't really desire.

[amy40]

Not biological kids. I wanted to adopt. .

you could still adopt if you wanted to; thinking you are younger than me
it took a while to convince husband to adopt, but it was mostly he was scared
many days think he's a better dad than I am a mom

[DreamP346]

you could still adopt if you wanted to; thinking you are younger than me
it took a while to convince husband to adopt, but it was mostly he was scared
many days think he's a better dad than I am a mom

I've wanted to be a foster parent and I've tried many years with my husband but he always made excuses. It is an area of strain in our marriage.

[atskitty2]

I held a similar view Dream. I wanted to adopt since high school. It's never happened, and I suppose there's a good reason for that.

After the divorce I thought I would pursue it, but now with some unsolved health questions it probably isn't going to happen.

[amy40]

deleted

[Stillness]

I've wanted to be a foster parent and I've tried many years with my husband but he always made excuses. It is an area of strain in our marriage.

What's his reason? Is it legitimate concerns, or he just doesn't want to be bothered (not that that's not legitimate)?

[amy40]

dream
do you strictly want to be foster parents?
or do you want to foster-to-adopt?

[DreamP346]

What's his reason? Is it legitimate concerns, or he just doesn't want to be bothered (not that that's not legitimate)?

He always says it's not the right time. They are just excuses. He likes the theoretical idea of helping but doesn't actually want to make the effort. We started the process a few years ago (I basically didn't give him much of a choice). We were in the very preliminary stages, but he started telling everybody we were going to foster and try to help a child out and give back to the community. But then he didn't want to go through with it. He is all talk and no action. Now that I've figured that out about him, I just do things on my own. But fostering a child is not something I can do alone.

[Stillness]

We started the process a few years ago (I basically didn't give him much of a choice).

That sounds scary. Pressuring or forcing someone to become a parent doesn't seem conducive to them wanting to be one. Can you ask him what would make it the right time?