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Compatibility and attraction

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  • Compatibility and attraction

    What is it that draws us to a person and makes us want to partner with them long term?

    Obviously, we look for physical attributes that appeal to us.
    What is it specifically that draws you, beyond that?
    Mannerisms?
    Is it common interests?
    Common goals?

    There's something I read once that indicated people with wealth are more attractive.
    Would that influence your attraction, do you think?

    Someone who has a sexual reputation? Attractive or repelling?

    Are we attempting to have our needs met in a relationship or are there other objectives in the dating game?

    Widen the discussion please. I'd like to hear your own experiences and thoughts, theories. We can chat about evolutionary biology or any angle you'd like to approach.
    Last edited by atskitty2; 12-18-2017, 02:09 PM.

  • don't know but can totally understand why 70-80 % of divorces are initiated by women

    Comment


    • Why can you understand that, amy? In context of this topic?

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      • I read above recently after also reading that single women are happiest and married women least happiest
        men are happier in marriage than women

        women maybe go into marriage more optimistic
        and women change and evolve

        I don't think men do (change and evolve that is)

        I think it is harder for the woman in a marriage
        so the women/men may be compatible at first but then it gets harder as the years go by (for the woman)

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        • it's almost like men do what they need to do to "catch" a woman but then they settle in the comfortableness of being married

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          • Originally posted by amy40 View Post
            it's almost like men do what they need to do to "catch" a woman but then they settle in the comfortableness of being married
            Not unlike the animal kingdom in many cases.
            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
            ...
            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

            Comment


            • So you think men sort of fake compatible characteristics until marriage?

              Comment


              • Beyond physical appearance, I find women who are intelligent very attractive. I don't find myself getting intimidated by a woman who is smarter or even more successful than me. I do however, get intimidated by very attractive women. Weird I know.

                For some reason, I also don't find wit that attractive in females. Not that its unattractive, but it doesn't do anything for me. I do find an outspoken and sassy woman attractive.

                Personality wise, a caring thoughtful girl is always appealing and a whining always-complaining-about-something attitude is deeply annoying even if she is attractive physically.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                  So you think men sort of fake compatible characteristics until marriage?
                  it works both ways
                  i.e. the woman who "pretends" to love football but really doesn't

                  I know more than one women who have "two voices" , a sweet lilting voice for people they are trying to impress and then their real voice



                  Comment


                  • kitty....guess I think of my parents, no idea how they got together as they have never seemed compatible to me
                    my guess it was total physical attraction only

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                      There's something I read once that indicated people with wealth are more attractive.
                      Would that influence your attraction, do you think?
                      .
                      sometimes we go to events in a affluent town about an hour or so away from us
                      I can always tell the locals as they dress perfectly and their hair looks perfect

                      I would not want to date someone wealthy as I couldn't look that level of perfect

                      (dressed up for a recent event, wearing my long skirt, my good makeup, thought I looked nice
                      as we go in, our kid tells me "those boots do not go with your outfit!")

                      Comment


                      • Last night I remembered watching something a long time ago in which the pictures of average looking men were shown to women, with an indication of lower net worth. the same pictures were shown to other women with an indication of higher income. The women seeing the bigger dollar signs rated those same men more attractive. (Going from memory, it's been years)

                        I thought that was interesting and I wonder if it is the same with men, and women of greater wealth.

                        Wish I could find that experiment.
                        Thoughts anyone?

                        Comment


                        • Cheesy as this sounds, it's personality that attracts me to a bloke. What he looks like doesn't matter: how he behaves, talks, presents himself to people, is what draws me in. I need an emotional connection, rather than a physical one.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                            So you think men sort of fake compatible characteristics until marriage?
                            Some men do fake compatible characteristics. Sometimes it is only to get farther on a date, sometimes it is to get farther in a long term relationship. Sooner or later their true self will appear.
                            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                            ...
                            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                            Comment


                            • Do you think that men are making a very conscious choice in doing so?
                              And if so, do you have any idea why? Obviously they do it for the objective of keeping the girl (or guy, in those cases), but at some point, wouldn't they realise that they can't keep up the charade forever? And they're going to lose her when he stops the act?

                              Sometimes I think men aren't fully aware of their own choices in that matter. Maybe the drive with attraction is so strong they just don't realise?

                              I do think women do it too.

                              Comment

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