[damd]

I'm a guy and these are my thoughts on witholding sex. I think there is one main problem in the way you view sex. You are looking at sex as something that the woman gives and the man takes from her. Sex should be viewed as something that two people share together. I want you to really think about this for a second. Deep down, do you view sex as something that you are giving, or something that you two are sharing together? The problem with most "wussy" men is that they don't get sex and therefore view it as a gift, which reinforces that way of thinking in your mind. However when you find a real man who can "share" sex with you then you can both be more physically and emotionally fulfilled in sex.

I don't think that is the case at all. There are women who want a relationship and not a one night stand or a purely sexual relationship, while there are men out there that are willing to say and do anything to get into a woman's pants. By someone announcing they are not intrested in sex they are able to weed out the guys that are not ready for the emotional commitment.

In the end some women just don't want to feel used.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

So, a born again Virgin... I can get that..

Here's one to another.....

I separated 15 months ago, and decided that i would also "hold" for the next "right" man? WT?

Seriously... I think what you are searching for is that you want the next guy in your life to understand and realise that you don't "give it up" easily. That you can state to him, I haven't had sex for........months, but I've dated heeps... A kind of "good girl" approach so that you are respected by him.

Here's the thing.

It is respected for sure. And, the guy you want to be with, probably wants you to be somewhat knowledgeable and somewhat nieve so he can teach a bit too, pending on how old you are off course, but i think all guys like to be first at a few things with their long term relationship, whilst sharing as well experiences.

As long as you respect yourself, it doesn't really matter what you do, in that department..

Frankly, I'm not waiting too much longer..... I"m dying here, haha.

But, I can truly say to the next relationship, that I didn't have sex after i broke off with my husband, for 12 months ( as i did communicate with someone for 6 months) and did meet up eventually in that department.

That's all that new man needs to know. That you don't give it easily.

You live once and you can't go through it feeling you owe something to the next man, rather have morals and respect but be you and do what you want.

Guys respect a lady.. They respect one that doesn't put out for a few dates and then does because she wants to be intimate with that person and the relationship is heading somewhere. They know who is a ... and who is not, so don't expect a guy to sit back for years before marrying you and then be happy to do it, he will be happy to wait until your ready with him and still marry you.

And, soooo agree with the other posters as well... You can't marry these days and not have sexual relations i don't believe before hand because if your not compatible in that department together then your in big trouble as the time dwindles away and there is no chemistry and intimacy and it's boring and horrid and you want to run..

Oh that's what i did after 7 years of marriage?

See my point...
CW

[altenese2000]

Thanks evryone for your post. First just to say I have never had sex with random people everyone I knew for a year or more before going there and I was in a relationship with all. Second I decide to stop and wait because I am no longer in a serious relationship and there are too many std's out there and I want to know the person before I mix my genes with them. And Last to each is own if a guy can't respect that part of me or at least make effort to get to know me before trying to jump my bones then if is not the one. I just love getting different fed back on the issue. I believe that the divorce rate is so high because people get to know each other sexually first before getting to know the real person and then they hook to the sex. Any way thanks again especially the guys for your input.

[miffed23]

Thanks evryone for your post. First just to say I have never had sex with random people everyone I knew for a year or more before going there and I was in a relationship with all. Second I decide to stop and wait because I am no longer in a serious relationship and there are too many std's out there and I want to know the person before I mix my genes with them.

Then i dont understand. What you quoted above - isnt that what most 'normal', respectable women do? I cant see how you are doing anything spectacular or different to most?

So, basically, you are normal?

Anyhoo, good luck with your choices - at the end of the day, they are entirely yours and any worthwhile gentleman will respect that.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Then i dont understand. What you quoted above - isnt that what most 'normal', respectable women do? I cant see how you are doing anything spectacular or different to most?

So, basically, you are normal?

Anyhoo, good luck with your choices - at the end of the day, they are entirely yours and any worthwhile gentleman will respect that.

I agree... Most "normal" respectable women do this... If you are dating guys that expect you to "put out" soon, then obviously they are looking for "bad girls" so move on as you are.

alterneese 2000
And Last to each is own if a guy can't respect that part of me or at least make effort to get to know me before trying to jump my bones then if is not the one. I just love getting different fed back on the issue. I believe that the divorce rate is so high because people get to know each other sexually first before getting to know the real person and then they hook to the sex. Any way thanks again especially the guys for your input.

I don't believe that hanging about and making a guy wait is the key to finding the right "husband" and stop a situation for you pertaining to Divorce... If you read what the "guys" say, they are saying put out before marriage and make sure your compatible.

Most people start with "chemistry" there is something there that attracts them to each other. Sure, then they date and as you state "get to know each other", then they move on sexually...and if it all fits they get married.

Not every female jumps in bed with a guy then gets emotionally attached because they've had sex with them, then views him as "the one" and then marries him.

Perhaps the "guys" here, can say whether they actually had sex quickly and then married the lady, or whether they dated and got to know each other first then had sex and married, or for the older generation, didn't have sex at all and married but bottom line... Got to know the lady first...

That may be more pertinant then to your current comments, which really seemed different from your origional post.

CW

[Rapid'87]

Thoughout the animal kingdom, males have an innate instinct to reproduce with as many females as they can to maximise the possiblity of passing on their genes to the next generation... As humans we are no different, since we were cavemen we've been biologically designed towards instinctively wanting to be polygamous BUT society in general frowns upon it and instead favours monogamy - one partner. Though women don't experience this same instinct as men do, since they rely on their male partner to stick around to ensure the survival of both her and her child.

These days we have contraceptives, so our biological circuitry is outdated. Men still fight the urge to be polygamous, and these days women have the opportunity to do the same.

That said, since the time of cavemen till now, women have relied on developing an emotional bond to their mates as a kind of guarentee that they will stick around and protect them. If the emotional bond isn't there in the beggining, ie. one night stand. Guys, generally don't stick around, we want to get out of there as quickly as possible. But these are our instincts which we have no control over.

WHEREAS, IF we get to know a girl and develop an emotional connection with them, it's a totally different story since it's more than JUST physical (and surface personality) attraction. It's alot more and we are therefore more likely to stick around.

So yes, getting to know somone DOES increase the chance of the guy sticking around, but on the other end of the spectrum, if you wait TOO long... guys will move on. So you have to find a balance.

There is a rule among guys that states 7 hours or more spent with each other is sufficient to create the emotional connection with a woman for her to be open to having sex without feeling ****ty. If it happens before that, she's just horny, more than that and she's probably interested in not just sex.

And let me tell you, it's usually right.

But be aware that different guys are after different things. Some guys just want to get it on. Others are looking for a relationship and SOME are open to anything and are waiting to see what you are like before they decide.

Hope this helps

[Muskitos]

Rapid'87

Not sure it does help but sure is a revalation to me! One I need to think about.

thanks for sharing

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Milfred
To clarify (moreso for my own reputation than anything else) i DONT have lots of realtionship's' going on....

....lalala, digging holes.... lalalala

Nup, no holes... Your reputation is what i admire about you, have from the moment you joined and you saw the writing on the wall...

Finding yourself and experimenting is part of life and worth doing, for the future "man" of your life, when he comes along and he will ...


It's all good. I am about to go down your path actually, how's that?

CW

[Someguy]

i understand both parts. if all you do is have sex than you won't know your partner, but if you wait to long to have sex than you get the same result. there nothing wrong with waiting but if the mood is right than why deny yourself.
After all is said and done its only up to you good luck in finding Mr right

[Clara1983]

umm not sure if it's helpful but since I am experiencing similar feelings and have a huge long thread in the SEX um section discussing the emotions more in detail that make me feel like I don't want to have sex anymore... it could be of interest to you... it is called "young, gorgeous, panics at sex" or something like that and it is in the sex forum.. just a thought!