[sTyLeRock]

so

ineedhelp you broke up with ur partner because of this issue?

SL..................is another forum,....................

i really can see myself being happy with this girl it's just this one issue... and i really want to get past it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Okay so this is the thing.

I am a female, you know that. So lets say i meet someone, he is an incredible lover one that, all he shows, i have never experienced before, but heard, desired and wanted...

Do, i sit back and say wait a minute, he's too experienced I can't fathom this.

No..

But, when guys find a woman whom is experienced they all of a sudden shudder because they can't cope.

You should be over the moon that you have a perfect lover, one that wants to explore, experience.

Put it this way, what if she was " no i hate bj's, and no you can't do that and no, not tonight, or tomorrow i just don't like sex that much".. That's your alternative.

You have a free spirit... You need to free yourself to understand that it is perfectly okay for us women to stop living in the past of expectations " oh i can't show him i love that because".....

You may be suprised what you learn as well as what you teach which she never learnt before.

It's about being with the "person" not about their bed antics of past, rather of today.... with you... it is you she is with..

You can't see past that bit can you?

Even LLL said that... She is with YOU... She want's to be with YOU....

Get past it...

It's not an issue for her....

She wan'ts to be with you.


CW

[sTyLeRock]

hmm

Maybe i am too attached to her to let go and have fun myself?

i dunno i never rly ever felt this "jealous" about a girl b4

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Maybe i am too attached to her to let go and have fun myself?

i dunno i never rly ever felt this "jealous" about a girl b4

But that's great... You are young and have fallen for someone.. Don't be anxcious, let go and give her you.. Jealousy is not worth it, in the end, it destroys a relationship, walk tall, be proud and know and say out loud at that mirror, "She's mine" because she is...



CW

[needhelp55]

...

I felt the same way... I still do actually. The thing is that if there is something you just cannot get over and hurts you and bothers you then you have to move on. You cannot be happy if you are upset. You owe it to her as well so either get over it and move on. From my experience it is impossible to get over because my mind just goes to those thoughts subconsciously and ruins the moment. Ultimately, the decision is up to you but I was not able to do it. I don't know if its that I am too proud, or I am too weak to get past it. It all depends on how you look at it.

[sTyLeRock]

i think i have same problem as u where subconciously no matter what i think about it..

but wanna know whats really ed up?

During sex or whatever and i can see she is having a great time or climaxing, i'll think like .. how many guys have seen this side of her.. how many guys have been inside her, does she even care that it's me or does it feel like every other guy?

i dunno my mind starts to run.. DURING SEX and i have to quickly reframe myself otherwise i loss the will and just want to roll over and die..

it's just i am having trouble controling my thoughts, and when i see her having a good time and a thought pops up, it'll kill my mood and she knows when i'm upset/down and this brings her down...

[WildChild]

Here's something different to try Stylerock, a new attitude that builds on what CW said. Find some time away from the gf, not while you are having sex and do some self talk. You're going to find yourself some new ways of looking at this that can stop those negative thoughts and you need some peace to do it, then you can use them everyday as affirmations.

This is what you will focus on; how grateful you are to everyone she has been with before you came along. They taught her and helped her learn what her body can do and how to be responsive to YOU. Send a big mental thank you out to every guy who was good to her, aroused her, brought her to orgasm. Because without that earlier training she wouldn't have as positive an attitude toward sex or toward you. We are each the sum of our experiences and of our responses. For women sex is a huge, complex set of responses. We can't get there with just a bit of visual stimulation followed by some manual stimulation, we tend to need a lot more. The emotional componet is much stronger and that requires lots of positive reinforcement. So every guy who took the time and care to get her to come, did you a favor by adding one more positive experience to her life.

The other thing you need to create a positive message to yourself about is that, what ever good those men did, she moved on, something was lacking, which has given you the opportunity to get it right with her. Be grateful to them for that too.

Create some affirmations for yourself. Maybe , I am so lucky that she has had so many positive experiences so I can rock her world.

Believe me, dealing with a woman who has be abused and used, means you have to overcome all the pain she carries to help her find the level of trust that will allow her to open up to you and that can be a long journey. I know cause I've been there and was fortunate to have someone in my life who had the patience and took the time and care, to start me healing. You aren't having to deal with that. BUT if you let jealousy control you, you will start damaging the relationship and you could either shut her down or if she's emtionally healthy, she'll leave you behind. You weren't the first but do you suppose if you play this right, you could be the last? The one that she stays with?

[needhelp55]

Yea I know its messed up believe me I have been there and gone through the same thing. Its really messed up, I completely have felt and have all those thoughts, it was pretty bad. What worries me is how I see that it is making you want to rollover and die. For me personally it would just make me angry, upsetting at times but not to that extent. Nobody is worth you hurting yourself, and you are causing yourself pain emotionally and even physically with all your stress related issues. I mean if you find a way to get over these thoughts and feelings more power to you and send me the formula but if you can't you have to stop killing yourself.

I know exactly what you are going through man I feel your pain so much. Its like you love the person but your mind won't let you be happy and its something you cannot control. It completely sucks I didn't know what to do so I've left for the past two weeks. I've been less miserable since leaving and I feel less stressed. It will ruin your relationship, it will upset her, and it can and will ruin you if you let it.

CW In my case it really has nothing to do with shuttering at the thought of a woman having experience. I've been with plenty of women that have been experienced and it does not phase me because I do not care. The issue arises when it has to do with someone whom I care about and I can see myself having a future with them..wife/kids. So I do not know why there is such a disconnect but I guess I just hold women of importance in my life to a higher 'standard'.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think that every man wants to "teach" the Woman things, wants her to say " I have never done that before" , " I have never felt that before" ..

Okay, I am 45, your dealing with a young lady whom has experienced Stylerock not putting capitals haha. And, needhelp55, I don't know how old you are but suspecting mature.

It's the same though... I do relate trust me... When I separated from my ex-husband May 2007, I made a conscious decision NOT to sleep with anyone, unless he was my next man in my life... In addition, it made me feel like he would have "something" that was his.

Now here lies the problem. That works.. Off course. The guy feels very special, he knows that i could have done it 10 times, & more off course.... But, ready? If that relationship doesn't go from strength to strength, ( it's important to know that also i have grown and believe in no in-hibitions this time round in my life- or to not receive won't go into that), but then how is the next man in my life going to feel?

Oh, so you left your husband, didn't sleep with anyone, met this guy went out for a month, had wild, passionate sex, didn't work out and now you want to show me what you two did?

See the problem.

If you can't cope with a passionate woman or one that was abused and let herself therefore be used, then you can't be with that type of person, regardless whether or not you "love" the way she is sexually... Your not.. You want to be but with someone with no experience that you can show yourself, teach yourself.

You are not matched.

It truly is that simple.

I will not ever not be myself as long as I live and if that is not accepted, then that person will not remain in my life either.

The other thing is, it has been said here over and over and over again, Women were bought up to think bj's are yuck, having no inhibitions is "****ty" can i say that? and yet, we live in an age now where it is escential to a relationship to experience each other totally. But, you boys may be viewing what us Women did when we were younger, you were taught that women who gave, experienced, were either prostitutes or .... and so, that' is where your problem lies, your thought pattern lies, and you need to rid of that as much as we have to as women in general.

Love, total love, and the feeling you get sexually with that person, outways any sex you have ever had in your life, the intimacy is so different I can't explain that to you, so the Woman you are with, will experience it totally differently if you can just understand, let go and realise...

If not as I said, you guys are with the wrong woman and that's sad, because the woman you probably will end up with will be the one saying not tonight I have a headache, no I have bj's sorry no more, not doing it... Because of the "style" of woman you picked.

You go for love.... remember that.

needhelp55
Nobody is worth you hurting yourself, and you are causing yourself pain emotionally and even physically with all your stress related issues. I mean if you find a way to get over these thoughts and feelings more power to you and send me the formula but if you can't you have to stop killing yourself.

Well said.

Wildchild
The other thing you need to create a positive message to yourself about is that, what ever good those men did, she moved on, something was lacking, which has given you the opportunity to get it right with her. Be grateful to them for that too.

Well said.

[sTyLeRock]

stilla n issue

hey all..

This is still an issue and almost breaking me and my g/f up >_< still don't know what to do!!