[Skybluupink]

ahem, men making life easier? I be one and even I know that aint true!

one more piece of advice, don't hide the child thing. the ex-bf will find out about it eventually, and no guy likes to feel like he's been tricked about things like that. if you're gonna start things up with him again, be totally honest about having a child.

after all, how did you feel finding out about the 7 other kids after you were already pregnant? wasn't a warm and fuzzy feeling, now was it...

Right, but she's only seeing him briefly, she does not need to introduce the child unless maybe they were start up a relationship again. Even she started dating anyone else again, other than this ex BF, she shouldn't introduce her daughter to anyone until she has been dating the person a few months and then she can gauge whether or not they are serious enough to introduce her daughter. The last thing you want to be doing is having a child get introduced to different men all the time - this is not good for the child emotionally.

[Skybluupink]

and I'm in no way stating that she should hide the fact that she has a child, it just doesn't need to be talked about in this situation. A man will stick around regardless of a child, or not, due to his love for the mother.

[Guest]

oh, I wasn't saying bring the child and introduce them to each other. just don't hide or mislead about having one. if it doesn't come up in discussion, that's one thing.

[WildChild]

Hope you've gotten some excellent advice here. The only thing I would add or emphasis is when you get out of this relationship - and it does sound like you should- do it because that is what you need to do, not because you hope to start something with the ex or any other man. Even when you aren't 'in love' you need time to get on your feet on your own and become emotionally stable on your own before you move into another relationship.

[Hope954]

Good Morning! My ex already knows about my son. He called me about 1 year ago because he'd run into a friend of mine and she told him that I had a baby. He called to ask if it was true. I told him yes and he became very quiet. Two days ago was the first time I spoke with him since then. He has a son that he raises on his own that is like 16, now.

I did visit my fiance last night at the jail and the visit was not good. This was the first time I've seen him since his 2 boys that were living with us went to live with their maternal grandmother. He says that he has custody and he doesn't want them there - he wants them with me. I told him that those 2 boys (ages 9 & 11) are his and his ex-wife's responsibility and he shouldn't expect me to take care of them. He got all upset and told me I should have taken them to his mom's house and blah, blah, blah. A "Thank You" for what you've done so far for them would have been nice. Anyway, whatever - I think I am just getting to a point where I am tired of straining myself to make other people happy. My responsibilty is to the 2-year old that we have together, not to he & his ex-wife's kids.

I think the advice about being alone, going to school and getting emotionally stable is great advice. I am still going to see my ex this Saturday and keep it very light. I will not mention anything about my current relationship even though I can hear him asking, "So are you single right now?" and not knowing how to answer. Or maybe he won't ask that. But, him and I had outstanding chemisty - like he could just walk in the room and my panties would get wet. He was real romantic like on my B-Day would go to my house and put flowers all over. I have never really gotten him out of my heart or head and I guess a little part of me just wonders if I've been in his head all of this time, too. I am going to keep my cool - but remember y'all my ex is the one I still truly love. So, what if.... just what if he feels the same. I mean I know we should take it slow, but shouldn't I go for it? I mean feelings like this doesn't happen everyday. My goodness - we broke up 3 1/2 years ago and his voice still gives me butterflies. I've had this big smile plastered on my face for 2 days! Can't remember last time I felt like this.

[Guest]

the how about saying something like

"I am in the process of ending a relationship and not really ready to talk about it yet, ok?".

That way you let him know you'll be available in the near future, that you're not looking for a "hit and run", and you don't wanna be pushed with a lot of questions quite yet.

[Skybluupink]

I agree with N01 above....

If he asks, and he's interested, tell him you are ending it with the other and that you would love to be with HIM (the ex), but that if you two are to "go there" that you would need to go slow and need for him to be patient and understanding, which based on your other posts, sounds like he is.

I know you don't want to miss out on the chance to be with him again and I say don't, but def. take it s-l-o-w. It sounds like you two could really be magical together. Good luck this weekend!!

[Hope954]

Happy New Year! Thank you both for the excellent advice. I think answering that way is excellent. That way I don't have to tell him all that is going on but can let him know that it is ending soon.

Tomorrow is the big day that I meet with my ex and thank goodness my nervousness is subsiding some. I have absolutely no expectations and am looking at is as my chance to catch up with him - I will keep the conversation really light and just enjoy the time I get to be with him. I will let you know what happens.

I am also wearing some of the things I remember drove him crazy (hey, he drives me crazy so I might as well return the favor) - I am wearing shiny lip gloss and his favorite scent on me (LoveSpell by Victoria Secret). My shirt will tastefully show a little cleavage. IF nothing else, I will look and smell great without looking like I tried too hard.

Any other tips you wanna give b4 I meet with him tomorrow?

[Skybluupink]

Good luck - rooting for ya over here.

[Hope954]

Well, I guess I got all hyped up for nothing. Friday night he called and says that he had been called in to work so we couldn't meet at 2pm Sat and he would touch bases with me on Sat. Sat night he called about 8pm asking if I'd like to meet him for dinner. My son is 2- and I'd secured a sitter for earlier that day but not for that night so I was unable to go. He said that maybe we could do lunch this Sat if he doesn't have to work. So, we'll take it as it goes.

In the meanwhile, I've engrossed myself into finding out about going back to school and I started back writing this book that I've been working on. I also think I am going to join the gym. Its a new year - its time for me to get into some things that are good for me and will make me better. I need to get out of the habit of always trying to make everyone else happy.

I got in an argument with my fiance's sister about the kids now being with their grandma. They are making a big deal out of it and making me feel guilty because I sent them there. They want me to take care of his kids which I do not find fair at all. I have one child from him - why should I be expected to care for his 2 kids from his previous marriage. They are 9 & 11 and was raised in a rough home. They have very little respect and was a constant headache for me even when he was at home. Could you guys give me some advice on this.

Kids were living with us since May 2008 when their mother went to jail for drugs. Yes, their father was there but being the woman of the house of course I got most of the responsibilty. Now he is also gone to jail. Am I wrong for taking them to live with their maternal grandmother now that their father is in jail? His sister told him that I just wanted to get rid of the kids so that I could get out and cheat on him. She may have a point - I am loving the freedom of them not being there, but that was wrong of her to say that to him. Also, I am having 2nd thoughts about him - he just isn't trying to go in the same direction I am. I just feel like those kids are not my responsiblity - am I wrong?