[ThexMrs]

I was lying in bed last thinking and though I've spent a lot of time thinking about this, I've never found an answer. I just don't know what to think.

I've been seeing this man for a few months now. He has expressed to me that he is in love with me and loves me very much. I struggle with this notion because of the short period of time in which this has taken place.

Do you think that in 4 months (a couple of them spent as friends) time a man can fall in love with you? True unadulterated love? Do you think it's just infatuation? Lust?

[Hopeless Dork]

I think you can. I really do. I believe you know from the moment you meet someone and first start getting to know them whether or not you could love them, albeit subconciously. I was in lust with my boyfriend when we first started dating, just enjoying his company and all of our sexual activities but the more time we spent, the more I craved. The happiness he started bringing to my every day life shined through me and made me feel like a better person and realized... isn't that what this is all about?

This seeking someone else to share our experience in the world with... its about finding someone that compliments you, adds to your spirit , contributes to your overall well-being. When you find that - its love. When you know you do better with this person by your side and on your team than you do without them, you know, you just do.

Its entirely possible to get to those emotions in one day, one week, one year but of course the longer it takes for you to get to it, the more real you know it is because you have been with each other long enough to see them at their best and worse and if those feelings are still just as strong you know, you just do - that its love.

I think 3 or 4 months is long enough for him to have seen you all states of emotions, through ups and downs and if his feelings for you havent wavered through any of it, it is very believable that its love.

[Fatin]

yup i believe that as well .. it kind of happened to me too

[caterpillar79]

I might be blunt but I have to ask: Have you slept with him already? I just want to establish something, you know, sweet! (And teasing, too :-P).

Lust, for the most, is part of the first stage we all undergo, and as we move along the continuum with that person, we develop more special emotion for them, and in no time, love them. It is kind of hard for me to decipher the thin line between infatuation and love sometimes, but I am still young and inexperienced (young?..lol.) - a good excuse, haha, yet, I would depend on time as the classic way to help me see through this complicated nature of human relations.

There are people who can tell if that person is "it" and it doesn't require any amount of time being together, or knowing each other. Sometimes, you just know it...feel it, and that's it. YES, it DOES happen!

Learning from experience though, your heart might just be carried away with the nuances of what the thrill of being with him is bringing you, or him to you, that sometimes judgement gets clouded. So, for the time being, take it easy and enjoy the moment. Read self-improvement books and try to re-think your past aimed at improving your future relationships by improving your SELF. If what he says to you is true, you will see it...give it time to blossom, enjoy watching it grow.

If it is meant to be, it is meant to be. "When an individual is determined to pursue his Personal Legend, the universe conspires to make this person achieve his goal" - I just think this is something to ponder on. I got it from The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.

Take care sweetie. What else can I say...

[happy ending]

maybe who knows, anything is possible.

[golden_nemesis]

Four months too short to tell if you love someone? No, I don't really think so. For me, from the time I met my partner, it took me about 5 weeks, only the last week of which we were a couple, the others just casual feeling each other out type dates.

While he doesn't claim it as love at first sight exactly, my guy has told me that as soon as he saw me, he somehow knew he would love me if given half a chance. He first said it about two weeks into our relationship, which was awesome, because I had been wanting to tell him the same thing for a week, but thought I'd scare him off by doing so. Luckily for me he braved the same fear of rejection and broke the ice first with the L word.

After 7 months together, the intensity of that first flush of love has mellowed and deepened. There was nothing inferior about that initial stage of love, it is exciting, and may be what your SO is in the thrall of. But the longer you are together, the more that love will evolve and change.

I will say this. You didn't necessarily say anything about returning his feelings. If you don't, put the poor man out of his misery. If you feel like love for you just might take a while, maybe stick with him, but if you don't feel the possibility is there, end it, better break his heart now than later down the road.

There is no too soon or too late for you to feel you truly love someone. Each person is different. Try to worry less about the validity of his love, and figure out your own feelings. Your heart will tell you what to do, just be open to the possibilities.

[WildChild]

I think you can believe yourself to be in love, even at first sight and that you can truly feel that you are at the time, but it takes far more time to know if it will really last. That's the toughie. Getting to know each other on a deeper level, to know and accept not only strengths but weaknesses. Time to find out if the little folibles which at first seem cute or endearing, actually turn out to be real irritants.

[mr.mansview]

women get far more emotionally attached 4 months into a relationshiip than a man does..i think men focus on the physical attraction as they get to know a women..a women could probably fall in love in 4 months but i think rarely a man would..from my experience it takes at least a year..at 4 months i'm not sure i would even know her favourite colour..there are always exceptions to every rule..i'm pretty sure i'm one..

[SimplyChaotic]

It is possible...it may sound crazy but I fell in love with my boyfriend before I even met him in person (we met online). Our first date was like a 10th date, i felt like I had known him for years. And now we've been together for 7 months but it feels more like 7 years. By 4 months I already knew I wanted to marry him, so definitely, it is possible to fall in love in 4 months.

[ThexMrs]

First of all... Thank you everyone who responded. I appreciate all of the good advice and the opinions of all who expressed them... Besides, Doc Rabbit. I'm just teasing. Don't get your ears in a bunch!

I used to believe that you could fall in love within four months. I fell in love with my ex boyfriend in two months, possibly even one and we stayed together for almost a year. I wanted to be his wife, his best friend, have his children, be everything that he needed. I would have done ANYTHING and I truly do mean ANYTHING for this man.

But now... I feel that falling in love within a short period of time isn't realistic. Maybe that is just me being jaded because of having my heart broken. I possibly don't trust this man.

Have you slept with him already?

Yes... I have had sex with him. Definitely not a lot. Only three times. I waited about a month and a half before I had sex with him.

I will say this. You didn't necessarily say anything about returning his feelings.

You noticed! I didn't say anything about the way I feel about him because I truly don't know. I enjoy his company and I am NOTHING but SMILES when he leaves. I love his touch, his kiss, his ways when we're together but when we're apart it's different for me. I do miss him and a couple of times not seeing him became almost unbareable but I have not fallen in love with him.

When we first started dating I didn't consider us exclusive though he told me he wouldn't see anyone else. I still went out and partied, hooked up with a couple of guys but never had sex with anyone else. That is one thing that I told him I wouldn't do. He doesn't know about the other things though. I know now that if I were to tell him he would leave and never return. That's not something that I want.

See... Here is the confusing part. I don't want him to go but I have so much skepticism. I don't want to lose him. I'm so confused about what I feel. All I know is that I love being with him.

The other thing is... I told him I wanted him to eff me in a text message. Then I told him he better eff me. He said, no. I was taken a back and I asked him what he was saying. He said I don't eff and that he would make love to me. That I find strange. No one has ever made love to me. It's always been, "Wham bam. Thank you ma'am." I don't know if he is being fake or what.

He tells me things like:

You're beautiful.
I love your smile.
I love when you call me baby.
You're beautiful and sexy without makeup.
You're sexy as H _ _ _ !
I want to make love to you.
I love making love to you.
I love you or I love you so much.
I'm afaid to lose you.
Please don't give up on because of my work schedule.
Don't cheat on me.
Don't hurt me.
You're so cute.

Just all kinds of things.

I've never been so confused after this many months. I always know whether someone is it for me but with him, I'm at a total loss. I want him to be.

Oh here is another thing. The last time we had sex (this is a problem I've discussed on here before) I didn't cum but I told him that I wanted him to. He said that it wouldn't be fair and he only wants to cum if I do. I told him again to please, just cum. I like it. He finally did. After that he took a shower but asked me to stay in the bathroom with him if I wasn't going to actually get in the shower. So I did. While he was drying off he looked and me said that he felt bad. He said that it wasn't fair for him to cum and not me. (While having sex he asked me what I wanted him to do, etc) I told him not to worry about it and that I was perfectly fine. He smiled and then said I'll just have to find a new technique with you. I asked him what it would be and he said he doesn't know but that he'll figure something out. Then he kissed me.

He's very considerate of my needs.

Gosh... I just don't know what to do.