[Guest]

acknowledging you need help is the first step actually. the hard part is finding someone that fits you. but please don't give up. it gets easier after that. i promise. every time you go it feels like a big weight has been lifted. kinda like peelinig an onion layer by layer.

[ThexMrs]

Tonight I hate myself... Again.

[Guest]

.... and why is that?

[ThexMrs]

Because I allowed myself to be used.
I've said nothing to either of them and Ryan hung out last night.
I see him and I say nothing.
What should I say?
Probably nothing.
I don't want to ruin our some what of a friendship.

And with Jared... Fuuu!

The first thing he says to me is that once I get off of my period he wants to make love to me. I mean, first fuuu thing. Then yesterday I told him I was sick and he said okay. He really didn't say anything at all. He doesn't give a shhh about me! My ex Marty knew I was sick in the morning and before he went to bed he checked on me. How sweet is that? Now he cares whether it's love or just friendhsip.

It ****es me off.

[Hopeless Dork]

Xmrs, I don't know about this Jared. He told you he loved you (the match that lit this thread) and you questioned the sincerity. As you revealed more and more about him we learned :

-He hasn't invited you to his home.
-He won't tell you the name of where he works.
-He only see's you one day a week.
-He only see's you on a moments notice and will change plans without warning.
-He is not available when you need him.
-When you text and ask to speak, there is a delay. He only calls back later, when its convienent for him it seems.
-He doesn't act concerned for your overall well being - only whether or not it will impact his opportunity to have sex with you.
-When you ask him what he does with his time, instead of just answering like anyone would he reacts defensively , accuses you of lack of trust. "So how was your week? What did you do?" "zomg u don't trust me!!!" it just seems odd.
-When you confronted him on knowing so little about him, like directly asking the name of his job he says 'in due time' or something like that... who does that??? I understand him not divulging the pains of childhood until you guys become close , or his annual income and what not but basic information isn't something people dangle as a carrot that you have to earn.

All of those above things, maybe its my paranoid nature but.., seem to spell out that he is keeping some kind of secret from you. Of course all of those things can be explained away as harmelss things, embarassed of his place maybe, embarassed of his job perhaps... etc etc.. it may not be as malicious as one could derrive. Chanlder made an excellent point of showcasing that in the beginning of this thread, how the very things you assume can be viewed an entirely different way.

I am not saying you need to go and attack him for answers, or distrust him at all... but I would keep my eyes open and not trust him blindly until he puts a little more effort into making you feel a little bit more secure. Keep in mind that I always think the worst sometimes, and am wrong more than 1/2 the time, just playing devils advocate here I suppose.

But all that being said, you with ryan, etc.. it seems you are not so head over heals for Jared... I say that because you know like I do that when your heart is completely taken with someone , no others can penetrate that shield. Since ryan someone you only have a casual interest in , was able to do so - I am thinking you may not have that strong of feelings for Jared, and that may not be such a bad thing until he opens up to you more.

[Guest]

sweetie...

i think its time for you to be by yourself for awhile. or around friends and family. i wouldn't recommend dating until you see someone. it seems like you are just spiraling in constant anxiety everyday. i've been there...it sucks. and your head will continue to be drowned in these thoughts. you have to learn to let go. i suggest reading the book tuesdays with morrie. it deals with acceptance. only when we accept the things around us... we work towards not being anxious and angry all the time.

please...i'm asking you to look up some people that can help you. if you are applying for school..there are some colleges that offer counseling for a reasonable price.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Guys use "words" to get what they want.

What do you like hearing the most? " I love you" but do you trust those words? "No".. I say it myself, but probably to a handful of people and I know a lot, mine is a different form of Love, it's from the heart and meant.

I am thinking that Jarred is not worth knowing irrespective, he is thinking with his.... regardless of his words, they are words, you had the intuition when you posed that question, it originally sounded like he was a great catch but as HD has said the more you reveal, the more he seems like a loser who refuses to spend time with you unless in your house and won't let you know anything about him. Uses, the pfttt against you so you feel guilty and retract your words, to continue this "relationship", cease it...

If he's real, sincere, let him work friggen hard, take you out for dinner, home to his house, if he doesn't, he never was going to.

I really don't like Ryan... He played on you to get what he wanted there is nothing there for you.

Hense you keep feeling down and think of Marty, because at least he has "compassion"..

So keep that word in the back of your head "compassion", not words but ACTIONS, no sex but "LOVE"..

The next guy can't use words to try to win you over, he must show compassion, fib each time, in a new beginning of being ill and see what they do.. If nothing, keep looking...

ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS.

CW

[ThexMrs]

It's not like it's just me, you know? Yeah... Do I have problems? Of course. Everyone does. Sure, mine are a little worse than what some others are but whatever. I don't think that means that I shouldn't date anyone. If I meet someone who is going to be there for me then they can be involved in it. No, I don't need anyone holding my hand but if whoever it is wants to be of support then I'm all for it. Honestly, I'd rather put up with Jared than be alone at this point. Is that wrong? Yeah, a little bit. I could end up doing more damage to myself than good. That's my choice though, is it not? It is. If eff myself over then I eff myself over. I have to live with it, no one else.

I called Jared tonight. I didn't know if he would answer. I hadn't talked to him since yesterday and you know how that went from the above post. Well, he did answer. I didn't mean to but I kind of just laid into him. It went like this:

I asked him how he was doing and he said that he was really tired and had been having a bad couple of days. My response? So I shouldn't make it worse? He asked me what I meant and that's when I kind of gave it to him. I said, where the have you been? I haven't gotten a text from you at all today or last night, nothing. He said that he had been texting me but not getting a response so he figured I was busy. Good excuse? I said, oh really, is that really what's going on? Have you really been texting me? He was shocked. He said yes, why would I lie? Then he went on with the whole phone service problem, etc. I know he isn't lying because my friend is with the same company and it happens with him but still... I don't know. I just wasn't in the mood. I said, so... Is this all about sex now? Again, he was shocked. He said we really haven't had that much sex. That's true. I know that. We've only had sex three times and that's what I said to him. His response, I don't know who you've been having sex with but we've only had sex twice. I immediately corrected him and reminded him of the times and he said, yeah... That's right, three times. Then he said no and kind of got on my case for even asking if this was just about sex. He said that we didn't have to have sex and we can just spend time together. At this point I started feeling a little bad about just jumping into it like I did. No warning. I said that I didn't have a problem with having sex but that he never comes around and hangs out, has dinner, meets my friends, ect. He said he knows and he feels really shhh-y. It kind of hurt my heart for him to say that he thought he was a shhh. I don't want him to feel that way. Well... He said that he was going into the office because he had just gotten out of an appointment. I said okay, have a good night and he said, I love you.

Oh and while we were talking at first he was upset that I was accusing him of it just being about sex and then he got emotional. He started sniffling and I didn't want to ask if he was crying but I think he was. It wouldn't be the first time. I've made him cry before.

Anyways, I'm still at square one.

I did find out the name of the company he works for though. He told me tonight.

Emotionally, for me there is nothing there. I think I'm blocking any emotions that I could have because I don't want to find out some time that it wasn't what I thought it was and end up hurting all over again.

Sigh...

[ThexMrs]

And... Marty called me tonight. We talked for about thirty minutes. Just writing that makes me smile. I'm so not over him. He asked me to call him tomorrow while he's at work. I said I would. This isn't healthy. We're talking every single day now. AGAIN! I put a stop to that because I wanted to get over him before we got close again as friends. I thought I was over him but the more I talk to him the more I realize why I loved him so much. I'm falling in love with him all over again. That's going end badly, I know that but part of me can't let it go. I don't want to let it go. I love him. I love him. I love him so much. I always said that I would NEVER take him back but if we lived in the same city I would take him back in a heartbeat. Is that sick? Maybe... It could be. I can see how it could be. He cheated on me, yadda yadda yadda. It'll never happen though, so whatever.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Whoa.. That was a good vent..

Well your right Lindsay 100% it's your life, your choices and you and only you can make them.

We can only go on what you say, now you've thrown a curv again, seems that he has told you where he works, told you he doesn't need sex, told you he's shy.

Okay, so our posts made you have a go.

But, but, but, didn't you get a response? One that you deserve?

And, yes there is such a bond between you and Marty pertaining to what you want, that communication.

Yet, there seems to be a bond with Jarred, one of "I love you", so shoot me, they may not be words after all.

Who knows.

The bottom line is, is that you appear to actually really know what's going on in all of this in as much as what you want..

I think a bit of Marty and a bit of Jarred if they could be the same person.

AND, frankly that's actually good because it means you know exactly what type of person you want out of life.

I am proud of you.

CW