[jaygirlweek96]

Thx a lot chandler

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Awee sweet..

You are not WRONG... You have a right to question to want, to desire, it's nature.

I'm just trying to give you a thought, at how he may be thinking...

96 , 2009, 23?

Don't get scared of age...

But something in my gut feeling says he is weak, and down and out and he does love you, confusion, depression, no job etc.

Bare in mind, you may be a stronger personality to him and you may not actually like that weakness that he is displaying.

Or, bare in mind that he's scared, un-safe, depressed.

You can deside that for yourself sweet.

I hope I didn't hurt you..

No one is wrong or right, rather everything is a learning curb and your desisions are yours in life.

I know it's hard also to hear, you kept talking about marriage and asking him monthly from get go.

I can't take that back, it's a normal, repeat, normal, fear but I hope you understand what I was trying to say there....

CW

[jaygirlweek96]

You dint hurt me chandler! Was saying thank you cos ur advice was real. Thanks evry one. Ue support

[Guest]

Thanks a lot. Thanks CW. Yeah. Right now he's out of a job, n house n money. What u wrote is exactly what am going thru.

I still don't think that not having those things would prevent u from knowing if u wld want to marry someone when those things r available.
He said he was not 'mentally' ready to make the marriage decision, and he felt like he was being pushed into a box as I had asked about the marriage thing at least twice monthly from when we met.

Finally he said if I cldnt come back to him, at least he wanted me to be there for him, and support hom emotionally.
Since he was very depressed about the job loss and so on.

as much as I don't want to be a cos we broke up, I dunno. This guy has been a gud man, but the risk of waiting,
not sure of that!

He said he needs time to think, but is scared that what if after making me wait, he decides we're not fit?


Maybe I don't understand men psychology!
Ohthereyouare, pls explain. What do men mean by not being mentally ready? Its not like I am saying marry $e right now!
And why don't u guys liked being asked for marriage promise?

Mentally ready means he hasn't sat down and thought about it yet. Men don't think about marriage all the time like women do.

AND-

You have to understand....there is a time and place to talk about everything. Pushing/talking/speculating about marriage when he's got

No job,
No money,
No house

is not a very smart thing to do. And I think its a tad selfish on your part.

What's the big deal?! What's the rush? Is your relationship good otherwise? If so, why change things?

Guys do not yearn for marriage like women do. Think about it in our eyes for a second. It's a celebration that causes us a lot of hardship and inconvenience, costs us a lot of time and money, and contains absolutely nothing that we are interested in.

When was the last time you saw a man fretting over flower selections or centerpiece options?

We also - amongst other things, have to make a conscious decision that we are giving up sex with other women for the rest of our lives. Yes, that's a HUGE decision.

We also have to decide that we will put up with your cooking, nagging, and means we're one step closer to having children.

So why is it hard to believe that men prefer to wait to get married?

I don't know. Instead of being angry and frustrated with your guy for being careful about marriage- you should be happy. He's being honest, prudent and is really showing that he cares about you by not rushing into one of the biggest decisions he'll make in his life.

Seriously- things will happen on their own. You pushing will only make him more likely to put it off, or more likely to rush into something that could end in disaster.

[Miya]

LOL OTYA I'm surprised any men get married thinking this way!

BTW we also give up having sex with other men for the rest of our lives. I guess it's not as big a deal in the West when people have "test rides" before getting married but for us there's no opportunity to sample the goods. What we get is what we get...(but at least we don't have much to compare it with) haha

[Guest]

LOL OTYA I'm surprised any men get married thinking this way!

You're telling me.

But here's the thing- I can cook well, she doesn't nag, and if there is any one I'd have kids with, it's her.

And giving up sex with other women isn't tough. I've experienced enough so I've gotten that out of my system.

BTW we also give up having sex with other men for the rest of our lives.

Agreed. But if it's the woman pushing the marriage issue, she has no one to blame but herself.

What we get is what we get...(but at least we don't have much to compare it with) haha

In some cases, ignorance is bliss.

[Miya]

In some cases, ignorance is bliss.

You know actually I think this is true in more cases than not. Simple people do seem to be a lot happier generally than those who have so much more. The more "things" you have the more you worry about losing it. I'm guilty to a certain extent but usually pretty simple in most things. We have a nice little house which is not some mansion but easily lets us make the mortgage payment AND save money while still picking up something or doing something special when we want. I love my new car but my old one worked fine. I just wanted something cute and had a new warranty.

I have lots of friends in other parts of the world and some have their entire families in one flat. Crowded, a bit, but they also have more time to spend with the family, read, take walks, generally enjoy life, and not just working to pay for everything.

[shygirl104]

Help!

Hi, there! I just saw your post from last year and it was almost like reading my own story! I just broke up with this amazing guy with whom I got along great but he did not want to commit. It's been three months and a half since we broke up and three weeks since I finally stopped texting him, but I feel so sad and can't stop hoping that he might see things differently and come back to me. Could you maybe tell me how your story turned out?? Any help will do!

Thank you!!!

[jaygirlweek96]

Hey sweets! Welcome to the club! Its too long a story to tell. Send me a PM

[jaygirlweek96]

ooops. sorry WC. didnt know it was prohibited. I am very sorry