[jaygirlweek96]

Okay. I have added u. Hope to hear from u.

[jaygirlweek96]

Another mail again. I still haven't replied. It goes:

Baby,
I love you so much. You are the best thing that happened to me. You have been too good to me from the start of our relationship.
I want to be with you, I love you so much. I always hoped that I would one day be able to show you how much I appreciate you.
There are so many things I want to do for you once I start making money, take you for a holiday, because you deserve so much.
I am just ranting so much because I don't know what to say. I love you and know you would make the best wife for me, but I am just not sure.
I know you can never find a woman that's a hundred percent, but I get so scared when I think about it. I don't want to ever get divorced after marriage.
I am just so unsure. I know I might never ever find someone as good as you, or someone who would love me as much as you do, but right now I am just so confused.
I don't know what I want. I am sorry I hurt you. But you mean the world to me. I really do love you.




I did not reply.

[Guest]

If you're really leaving the guy, you should delete his emails and forget about him, not scatter his private thoughts all over the internet.

When you share things like this, you make a mockery of your relationship, which in turn reflects poorly upon yourself.

Just saying.

[WildChild]

Despite all the hype written to sell mags or TV shows, studies and surveys have shown over that single women are happier and healthier, live longer and generally feel they are better off than do married women. However, single men are more depressed, have more health problems and don't live as long as married men. Men generally are less likely to want a divorce and have a tougher time recovering emotionally when there is one.

There are so many variables in this that it's difficult to say what is really going on. I have a few theories since working married women still do most of the housework and child care. What applies across broad numbers doesn't necessarily apply to any specific individual. We each have our own perceptions and needs but the media can play a huge roll in that and we all need to be careful what we buy into believing.

[Guest]

Despite all the hype written to sell mags or TV shows, studies and surveys have shown over that single women are happier and healthier, live longer and generally feel they are better off than do married women.

WC - that's because those women were happier/more independent/had better self esteem in the first place....and they didn't feel the need to "better" themselves or solve their problems by marriage. Those studies are plagued by adverse selection.

Despite popular belief....marriage doesn't make a person any different, and for the most part it doesn't change a woman's social or economic status....unless of course she marries into money. If they were pi$$ed and poor before marriage, they're gonna be pi$$ed and *poorer* after.

However, single men are more depressed, have more health problems and don't live as long as married men.

Yep - because these unfortunate souls can't get anyone to marry them in the first place. And unfortunately, there are far too few men who are single by choice.

Men generally are less likely to want a divorce .

Because of the financial/legal implications.

....and have a tougher time recovering emotionally when there is one.

Because they usually get the short end of the stick....and the retirement account.

[caterpillar79]

Sure

Well, true, OTYA. Men are usually given the short end of the stick (esp. here in the US - I think).

But I am just thinking what is it that really confuses you, guys, about the girl you are with? Does it really mean that if you are not sure if she is the one you want to marry, is that she really is NOT the one he wants?

[WildChild]

Well, true, OTYA. Men are usually given the short end of the stick (esp. here in the US - I think).

These days that isn't so true, a lot is perception. My last marriage he thinks he got it, I think I did. In the end he got the house (considerably larger and nicer than what he'd had before we married), two new vehicles (not brand new but new to him) a full sized tractor, was cared for through some serious illness, and I left all the furniture that wasn't mine prior to the marriage.
I left with less than I had before marrying him, the same car I owned prior, my retirement fund cleaned out to help support us while he was unemployed for a prolonged time. Before I married him I had health insurance, now I don't. I made choices, now I'm paying. Really it's that simple.

[Guest]

But I am just thinking what is it that really confuses you, guys, about the girl you are with? Does it really mean that if you are not sure if she is the one you want to marry, is that she really is NOT the one he wants?

We're not confused. We're being careful.

No offense to you fine ladies, but I think it's the women who are confused when it comes to marriage.

I see it over and over within my age group- women pushing marriage whether they are ready for it financially/mentally or not.

All character flaws and relationship issues aside:

A wedding/marriage costs money. A lot of it. Women don't seem to understand this...and they really don't have to since they usually don't experience a large out of pocket expense like other parties do.

It's the man who purchases the engagement ring. It's the woman's father who traditonally pays for the celebration. What does the bride pay for? Talk about a conflict of interest.

I've been looking at prices for wedding components. I'm flabbergasted.

I've got a friend who is a wedding planner. I asked him why the prices are so outlandish. He said, "Decades of women buying what they want when they want with no regard for the cost because someone else is paying."

[Miya]

OTYA, just to throw this out. My hubby and I had 2 weddings, one in Japan and the other here in the U.S. The total amount of money we spent combined was no more than $500 and that included my wedding kimono.

The wedding here we had at his father's house and was done by a friend of the family who was a judge.

It doesn't HAVE to cost that much. (but from what I've seen with others, lots of people go overboard...then again most women have that as their fairytale princess day so...)

[WildChild]

Weddings used to be simple things for most people. To the church or justice of the peace and a breakfast or dinner with family and freinds. It was only the wealthy who had big blow outs. Their marriages had as much or more to do with family alliances as they did with love or attraction. The wedding was a power play, a display of family position and wealth, and a major networking event. In cultures with arranged marriages, (the traditions vary) but essentially the bride is bought with a dowry and the wedding is paid for by the groom's family, again it is a display of wealth and will likely be the one and only time in the woman's life that she will be dressed up like a doll and put on display - of course later the bloody sheets will be hung out in proof of her virginity.

The thing with average households having huge shindigs has only been around 100 yrs or so. It's big business. I'm happy to say my family has never gotten into it. We tend to backyard or camp ground marriages (the last one included pre-nuptual rafting and hiking) You don't have to do this. These days many young people pay for their own- together. I paid for my first wedding, it wasn't all that fancy, a lot of it went on credit and he went into a cycle of un/under employment after we married. Working in financial services I saw people who destroyed their relationship with the financial burden of the wedding. Better to keep it simple and spend the bucks on a nice down payment for a small house.