[Guest]

OTYA, just to throw this out. My hubby and I had 2 weddings, one in Japan and the other here in the U.S. The total amount of money we spent combined was no more than $500 and that included my wedding kimono.

The wedding here we had at his father's house and was done by a friend of the family who was a judge.

It doesn't HAVE to cost that much. (but from what I've seen with others, lots of people go overboard...then again most women have that as their fairytale princess day so...)

I know they exist...but unfortunately my generation isn't as level headed or fiscally responsible as you fine ladies.

The ever ballooning prices are proof of this.

[Miya]

I know they exist...but unfortunately my generation isn't as level headed or fiscally responsible as you fine ladies.

The ever ballooning prices are proof of this.

I'm only 2 years older than you. We're the same generation.

[Guest]

I'm only 2 years older than you. We're the same generation.

The place you were born probably doesn't put the same fairy tale emphasis on marriage that the United States does. Nor do I think that materialism and entitlement are as widespread.

[Miya]

Well...you're right there. That's very true. Although from what I see it's starting down that road even now at least in the bigger cities and wealthy people.

[WildChild]

So talk to your Lady, why not help set a new trend? Create something special and out of the ordinary and inexpensive. I live in a common law state where a couple can marry themselves and sign their own license if they wish, which lends more flexiblity. But you can still do so many things. How about an outdoor wedding, on a mountainside or a scenic overlook? Last time I was at the Grand Canyon there was couple with a justice of the peace and a few freinds, getting married, they didn't have to make any special arrangements, they all just drove up there.
Instead of going on here, I'm going to start a thead in the lounge for creative wedding ideas that are meaningful rather than costly.

[Guest]

So talk to your Lady, why not help set a new trend? Create something special and out of the ordinary and inexpensive. I live in a common law state where a couple can marry themselves and sign their own license if they wish, which lends more flexiblity. But you can still do so many things. How about an outdoor wedding, on a mountainside or a scenic overlook? Last time I was at the Grand Canyon there was couple with a justice of the peace and a few freinds, getting married, they didn't have to make any special arrangements, they all just drove up there.
Instead of going on here, I'm going to start a thead in the lounge for creative wedding ideas that are meaningful rather than costly.

The fact that my fiance wasn't and isn't particular in regards to marriage or what goes into it makes me all the more willing to do it and make it a day we will remember.

And a day to remember it will be.

[mdraven380]

ok now..remember YOU asked for this explaination...by far I am not an expert but I have been around enough men to know the paterns. I even called my brother on this one. There is a book by Big Boom called if you want closure in your relationship start with your legs the title is misleading but he discusses a lot of pertinent information women should know. With every page I read I say...yup thats right! If the man loves you as much as he says he does he would marry you or make plans to marry you and not let you go point blank period. When he told you he would let you go because he didn't want to hold you back blah blah blah that was his way of taking control of the situation stopping the questions which would have forced him to "man up" and placed you into a full blown guilt phase. When I say guilt phase I only mean it in the aspect of double thinking yourself and your own natural instincts and education. You obviously know you are a catch and worth marrying. By letting you go he succeeded in drawing you closer why....because you love him and you felt bad for possibly rushing him and possibly loosing him NEWS FLASH you have never had him! How do you know this...even the ex went through the same thing. Not only that but you have obviously given yourself to this man so think about this...if he wanted to leave would you fight for him? You already have so why didn't he fight for you? What does that mean he never gave himself to you!Women give men way to many chances and choices so I'm saying this again (only because I said this in a previous post) Men are simple...its us who overcomplicate things...if they want you they say it, they show it, they mean it! They will provide for you, nurture you, fix what is broken or find a way to have what is broken fixed. They answer questions simply its when they start giving you drawn out explainations that you have to worry. If it sounds to good to be true guess what....it is. You have to want more for yourself. Once you asked him to be with you he realized that he had you, you basically gave him an all expense free pass not to commit. Now if you had stated you're right, I do deserve better I am worth more and i'm not a yo-yo to be toy'd with then stepped off without calling him, texting him, emailing him that would have showed him you meant business. Now he thinks...yea she'll leave but she will be back. From what you explain i wouldn't be surprised if he had other choices. Please read the book! Also Steve Harvey's Act like a lady think like a man. For people who follow my post I frequently speak about these books because they are the latest two I have read that actually speaks the truth. Women we have to learn how to really deal with these men to weed out the playa's and the no goods. There are wonderful men out there but half the time we are to busy giving the no goods chance after chance that the good ones walk past or when we find them we bring so much baggage with us that we miss out on our chance of happiness. I'm sorry if I have rambled on but you sound like a woman who is ready to love and live so do just that...love yourself and live YOUR life! Don't wait on someone who doesn't see the Gift God has made right infront of him! If it is meant to be let him go and if you are his home...he will come home


P.S I'm not trying to be hard on you but I treat everyone on this site as if they were family or close friends which means giving you the best knowledge I have without sugar coating anything. I could go on for hours but I have been in the situations where I didn't trust in myself, where I didn't go by the teachings my father instilled (I was raised by my father) there are plenty of things I don't understand about my own womanhood but I can smell a hustler and a con-man/playa 1000 miles away (as long as it has nothing to do with my own personal relationship because they seem to seap through the cracks in the floor) so I rely on my girl friends (only have 3 of them) to smack me upside my head when i'm to blinded by love or devotion to see the true colors infront of my face. Being devoted is a great asset just decide to be devoted to the rite one...get my drift baby girl

Reading all of this also helps me in my similar situation.
After 3 weeks of texting after Scott walk out on me while I was at work and had no clue he ws leaving, I finally said ENOUGH today!
I told him I'm done and I'm moving forward. I refuse to answer his texts anymore. This is a silly game and it is holding me back. Then he decided to send me and e-mail on how he has problems with confrontation, then another text saying that he;s not playing games with me and he's not holding me back. He just felt the need to explain what his problem was. After losing my dad not even two months agoa dn most of my family in the past 10 months I've decided I don't need any more of Scott's BS.
I'm exhausted

[CHANDLERS WISH]

OTYA
I see it over and over within my age group- women pushing marriage whether they are ready for it financially/mentally or not.

I have to say that I agree with this statement.

It seems that the guy is actually trying to say that he does love you but he's put in a position to get married and he's scared..

1. I don't want to get Divorced.
2. I will save money to take you away somewhere..

He doesn't have money, security, a house, safe job perhaps as well.

He's scared or only wants to marry knowing he will never get divorced.

Think about this. The person you marry, knows 100% every little quirk you have, your favourite colour, your passions, your faults, and he/she loves every single one of them and all that they know about you.

Women:- Are emotionally attached straight away and see the picked fence, the babies, the house, the security, the man and they are okay to settle... Probably don't know his favourite colour...

Guys statistically are 4 years younger mentally than a woman, that being that they still live in their batchelor ways and don't see those picket fenses straight away until they see it all in front of them, the woman they never want to lose.

It sounds more to me that this guy is fearing, is not financially stable and is feeling he's being pushed to say yes, I want to marry you.

I understand it's what we want to know, want to hear but if you could gleem from him that he wants "time" to make that decision but at this point your the only woman he wants in his life as it is now, do you not give him that time?

It's tough because you then feel your "wasting your time, waiting"... and in that, the pressure is on again.

Ask yourself ...

CW

[jaygirlweek96]

Thanks a lot. Thanks CW. Yeah. Right now he's out of a job, n house n money. What u wrote is exactly what am going thru.
He called me yesterday night, crying. Said he was depressed, dint have anyone to talk to, confused, felt like he was useless,
That I had been the only thing he ever looked up to and so on. It was about 2am and he said he wanted to drive down to talk to me.

I still don't think that not having those things would prevent u from knowing if u wld want to marry someone when those things r available.
He said he was not 'mentally' ready to make the marriage decision, and he felt like he was being pushed into a box as I had asked about the marriage thing at least twice monthly from when we met.

Finally he said if I cldnt come back to him, at least he wanted me to be there for him, and support hom emotionally.
Since he was very depressed about the job loss and so on.

as much as I don't want to be a cos we broke up, I dunno. This guy has been a gud man, but the risk of waiting,
not sure of that!

He said he needs time to think, but is scared that what if after making me wait, he decides we're not fit?


Maybe I don't understand men psychology!
Ohthereyouare, pls explain. What do men mean by not being mentally ready? Its not like I am saying marry $e right now!
And why don't u guys liked being asked for marriage promise?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Yeah. Right now he's out of a job, n house n money

He's a man... Imagine, he's in /was in a relationship, can't take you anywhere, has no house, job, imagine?

He has talked about saving and getting to be able to take you away, how much does this "really" play on his mind?

Think about it. He's un-worthy.. Not good enough.

Said he was depressed, dint have anyone to talk to, confused, felt like he was useless,

Depression is real.. Very real.. Without a supporting partner, friend, family, people, someone, it gets worse... He sounds as if you were his rock and you've abandomed him and he believes that's his fault, he has failed.

Useless: Depression...

I

still don't think that not having those things would prevent u from knowing if u wld want to marry someone when those things r available.
He said he was not 'mentally' ready to make the marriage decision, and he felt like he was being pushed into a box as I had asked about the marriage thing at least twice monthly from when we met.

I explained this before and also above, I don't know how old you are but it is what I wrote and he confirmed it " pushed into a box" and you admit, exactly what women do... twice a month since you met you asked him constantly about marriage? Seriously?

Have a think about this... It's your dream, your desire... and "PRESSURE" way pressure, that many times is it not really you wanting to confirm his love? Isn't that what that question is all about?

See, as I said we are different, man and woman.

He is "trying" to open up and speak.. He is "trying" to be honest.

You know, you could do worse, you could find a guy that is totally dis-honest, yeah baby off course I do, as soon as I get a job I'll start saving, it will take me a while and then I will give you a ring..

And, you feel great, pleased, quit asking and hang about for 12 months whilst he was lying through his teeth.

His main reason for "no" is that you have pressured him.. He therefore, is "not sure" because what else will he be pressured for?

People need to chill.... go with the flow... enjoy what it is.... know that it may go where it's mean't to or NOT...

With constant " will he, does, he, can he, " comes pressure, arguements, split ups, un-certainty and failure.

Have another think, is all I want to say to you.

You need to really, realise he needs you, loves you, can't make that decision yet, doesn't have to really, because what he needs to do is affirm his obviously need/love for you and see for himself YOU, ARE, THE ONE.

And, do you know who the one is?

They are in-sinc...

There are no need for words.....

There is no need to question.....

You just know.

CW