[ThexMrs]

TEX: No. He's not the same guy. The chase thread is about Marty (my ex). This thread is about Jared (my bf). Oh my good lord. This is so complicated.

CW: No. I have yet to go to his house but he said that anytime I want to he'd show me where he lives. I've not acted upon that. I'm kind of not concerned about it anymore.

Yes. He knows about my feelings for Marty. I sat him down one day and in person told him that I still have feelings for Marty. He handled it well but now... I'll get to that at the end of this post.

OTYA: I know, I know... This seems really bad, well... I guess it is actually. I'll make it as simple as I can. Marty and I broke up early this year. I was seeing Jared as a FRIEND when this happened. After Marty and I broke up, Jared and I got together and have been together ever since.

Here's the thing: I was devastated when Marty and I broke up. I was with Jared but we never made anything official until June so I was out partying, had sex with two other guys and just trying to hide my pain. My feelings for Jared were only physical so I wasn't committed to him. I did what I wanted. Then in August he made love to me and something clicked. I knew we had a good thing. Well, I told him how I felt about Marty and he took it well considering. Then he disappeared and almost quit talking to me completely. Two weeks ago (after a month of this) I decided it was over and went out with Ilya and slept with him. Then Friday I went on a date with Travis. All of a sudden Jared popped back up and we've been fighting ever since. (He doesn't know about any of these guys)

Well... He came over last night and we talked. He told me that his personal issue was just work and stress. Then he got teary eyed and said that it was really Marty. Marty is the reason he hasn't been talking to me and coming around. We discussed this and he said he'll try to be understanding because Marty is my best friend in the entire world, the best friend I've ever had. That was it.

WC: Yes, I know that but I feel like I have made a huge amount of progress from when I first came on here. I've been through a lot in the past 7 months and I'm struggling but I feel like I'm keeping my head above water. I have looked into counseling again but haven't heard back. I just need to keep calling. I know there are things that I need to work out, work on (self esteem, my father, cutting and bruising) I need support though too. Maybe I need to find that support within myself and not a man. I don't know...

School is a no go until Winter term because of my move. (I was an hour away)

I haven't gotten a notice that the book is available just yet. When it is, I will get it for sure. I said I would.

[Hopeless Dork]

Marty... is he the one with the whole texting thing a while back? And Jared, well.. it HAS been 7 months... but it sounds like 7 months of on and off type situation and if you are still seeing other people, keeping it from him etc... you can't expect him to tell you everything thats going on in his life whether its just stress or family or whatever.

It seems to me you are expecting a level of intimacy from him that you yourself are unwilling to give.

[ThexMrs]

Yes... That would be Marty.

The only reason that I am still seeing other people is because of the fact that he won't open up to me. He admitted last night that he knows it's a problem. A big problem and I told him then it needs to be worked on and not just acknowledged. I was more than ready to give myself to him 100% back in early August. Like I said, something clicked and then this is what he did. He disappeared. I'm not going to just wait around for him to figure things out. If I meet someone else, okay... If I don't, that's okay too.

The thing is... The only two men in my life that I even see as men in my life are Marty and Jared. The other guys are nothing to me. Time fillers if you will.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

If you are ready to have him as a boyfriend love, then make him one properly that being you go to his house as well as him going to yours, and start developing a relationship ..



Why? Because, it's more that he's your longer term dating partner, there's no sharing going on, coming and going to each other's places and being exclusive.

A relationship is exclusive but it's also being together and sharing and being in each other's company in each other's places as much as out there in public, which you probably don't do either ...

CW

[ThexMrs]

Well... That was August when I was ready to commit. Now... Not so much. After he pulled this 6 week stunt I don't take him seriously. The pain I take seriously but I guess I look at it like this: I was open and honest with him and he chose to stay. He didn't have to so now he has to deal with it.

[Kallygirlie]

So correct me if I'm wrong, you were only officially together for about a month and a half? prior to that you were basically friends with benefits?

To me, I dont think you should hold him pulling away from you against him. think about it this way. For 7 months he's wanted to be with you. Weather or not he was seeing others in that time or not, so were you. So nonetheless you guys were I guess you could say messing around and having fun. Come August you decided you wanted to be more committed. THATS GREAT!!! One problem tho, you cant decide to be committed when your heart doesnt belong to you. You still haven't got that back from Marty. Then it doesn't sould like you were to worried about Jared not being around because you found 2 other guys to be with in that 6 week period. Jared had a right to be upset. He found out the girl he liked was still feeling things for her ex. men dont take that very well no matter how much they may act like it to your face.

If you like Jared then you need to be honest with him. Are you really in a place where you can keep a serious committed relationship, from your posts I would say you need to boycott guys for a while. Work on you and then maybe you will be able to find happiness. Bouncing from guy to guy is not healthy and not good for your own mental health

[ThexMrs]

We were supposed to be exclusive the whole time but I was having a really hard time after I broke up with Marty. I didn't handle what happened well at all. I was drunk or hungover for a week straight and then after that I was just drinking at every chance that I got. That's when I wound up sleeping with these two guys. That wasn't in the 6 week period that I didn't see him. I was acting out and dealing with my pain in a bad way.

I agree with you. I shouldn't be in a relationship at all because of the fact that I am still in love with Marty. It's not fair to Jared, me or Marty. Everyone knows about everyone. It's just one huge love triangle. Jared loves me, I love Marty, Marty loves me, I love Jared but am not in love with him. I'm stuck in the middle and I hate it. I feel guilty but like I said earlier. I was totally honest with Jared about Marty and he chose to stay. No one is making him stay so he has to deal with what is going on.

If you're talking about the most recent 6 week period I wasn't sleeping around. I went on a date with Travis and then before that I did have sex with Ilya who I've been friends with for 4 years. That had never happened before. Anyways, the point being. When all of that happened I had ended it via text with Jared.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Linds, you know I am straight forward.

He doesn't owe you any explanation your not in an exclusive relationship as such.

You and Marty are still having an emotional affair.

Forgetting anything else or anyone else.

If you have a right to still be in love with someone else, then he has a right to deal with what ever he wants to on his own.

Your not both "emotionally attached and exclusive" and he knows that.

Put yourself in his shoes?

He has a girl that he feels is important in his life, but she loves another and talks to him and professes her love for him.

Sure, he accepted that.

So, you have to accept he can do what he wants to, including wanting time on his own to deal with stuff by himself..

It's when you are in a relationship together and there is no one else, emotionally or physcially in my opinion that both partners need to respect and talk, communicate.

You kind of have your cake here sweet... Big time...

Your kind of also lucky someone loves you knowing you love someone else.

Why break his balls?

[ThexMrs]

Yes, I know that you are straight forward, so am I. This is how it is:

Jared calls us exclusive.
He doesn't see anyone else.
When I broke up with him via text I started to date. (Travis/Ilya - though he was just sex)

The reason that I have never fully committed isn't just Marty. It's because Jared has NEVER been open. He never talked about his personal life. He never let me in. It was 4 months into our relationship that I found out about his two kids.

Truth be told... If Jared were to give me 100% of himself I would be willing to commit and only be his. I would stop this madness with Marty. It's unhealthy. I want Jared to open up to me and in return I will stop this. I mean... It shouldn't be this, "if you do this, I'll do this" but I don't know what else to do.

I am having my cake and eating it too but... It's not what I want. I want one or the other. No one is giving me that though. I get 50% from Jared (the physical) and 50% from Marty (the emotional) Neither give me 100%. Marty isn't here so he can't. Jared is here but he won't.

He admits to not being emotionally available.
He admits to not opening up to me.
What he doesn't do is change.

That's not my fault.

[happy ending]

wow, its all very confusing, but i dont think any man will meet your needs 100%, if that is what you are looking for especially as you are vulnerable, confused and hurting. it just wont happen.