[mr.mansview]

I am going to have to disagree with the fact that no man will meet my needs. There are men out there who are emotionally and physically available. I've met them BUT... They aren't who I want to be with. Either there is nothing in common or I'm not attracted to them. That's life.

then keep looking til u find one..u will have better success that way than trying to change a man to satisfy your expectations

[ThexMrs]

Marty can't he wont.

Marty can't physically be here but he's willing to be once he finds work. He's already brought up coming out to visit soon.

Marty is 100% but just isn't there. SO what happens if Jared gets it together and starts giving and then Marty shows up? Have you then got 2 who are 100%? What happens then? Who do you go with?

I've thought about this a lot. When everything clicked with Jared back in early August I found myself thinking that even if Marty moved here that I wouldn't leave Jared. Marty and I would just be friends. It's a tough call to make. I've told Marty numerous amounts of times that if he moves here that we could just be friends and if something more were to happen then we would deal with it then. Part of me thinks that Jared never will be 100% but I keep hoping and wishing for the best.

If he lives 15 minutes away and you've not seen him in over a month...if that were me, I wouldn't consider that a relationship.
That being said, if you're not in a relationship, you're not obligated to open up to anyone.

Like WC said, focus on yourself. He obviously wants to be left alone. Perfect, now you can do your thing for you and not have the stress and drama of this situation.

He considers it a relationship and he doesn't want to be left alone. If you haven't read everything that I've wrote then you're only going on certain facts. Why he stayed away is in here and it's been discussed between him and I as of Monday night when he stayed over.

hey OTYA u obviuosly didn't get your program in the mail..r your WH dues paid up?

You may be my best friend here but that's not funny.

you contradict yourself regarding your needs. I don't know what happened with Marty and you had to break up, but you are clearly still in love with him.

Where's the contradiction?

I've never denied being in love with Marty, not once. I am. That's obvious.

Question though, why haven't you told Jared about having slept with 2-3 guys relatively recently and while you are supposed to be together?
You just can't expect from him to be 100% open to you when he knows you are not and that you love another man. It's not easy for him and I think he is more hurt than you at the moment.

Okay... The sex with the two guys was back in June. The most recent was when I texted him and told him it was over. There is no need to tell him that I had sex with someone while we were broken up. As for the other two, I wasn't committed to him. I was going through a lot of bad stuff. I got drunk (which isn't an excuse) and I had sex. He was no where around. This isn't the first time we've gone 6 weeks without seeing each other. The thing is, after what happened in June I decided that I needed to get my life together and stop acting out and actually deal with my pain. I didn't want to hurt him and tell him what had happened. I just swept it under the rug and never did it again.

This isn't about who is more hurt than the other. This is about him not providing in his half of the relationship. Ever since June I've done EVERYTHING there is to do as a girlfriend. As for him being hurt about Marty. I get that but no one is making him stay. He can't stay and just think he can see me whenever he wants, get in my pants and just disappear. That's not okay. I take a lot of pride in the fact that I sat him down and told him about my feelings for Marty. I could have hid it but I didn't. I chose to take a stand not knowing whether he would leave me or not. I was honest and I have no regrets even though my honesty caused all of these problems.

Another thing I find insulting towards Jared: "If he would give me the emotional connection that I seek (and have with Marty) then I would have no need to seek Marty out for that". So let's say he DOES give himself 100% to you, but 6 months later another relationship problem comes up and he cannot give you what you want (sex, children, anything). What will you do then? Go back to Marty or find another man who can offer you than on the side?

The only problem we have and have ever had is that he doesn't open up to me. I am not a part of his life in any way. He doesn't let me into that and what we talked about when he came over explains a lot of that but still doesn't make it right. If you want to change you will. That's how I see it.

What you don't seem to understand is that Marty and I are best friends. We've been best friends for a year and a half. Yes, he is an ex. Yes, I still am in love with him and vice versa but the emotional needs that he fulfills are purely friendly. When I talk about the emotional needs that I have I mean not only do I want him to share his life but I want to share mine with him. Jared has never once asked me about my family not even when my grandfather was in the hospital. Marty asks me all the time about my family and he listens to me when I am upset. If I ever need anything I can call him and he'll be there. With Jared that doesn't exist. There have been many occasions where I've come to Jared in need of help, a listening ear and he's not there so where do I turn to? My best friend and that happens to be Marty.

This isn't about having someone on the side. It's about all aspects of a relationship that don't exist.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

This isn't about having someone on the side. It's about all aspects of a relationship that don't exist.

Hope loves finds you Linds in all that you are and all that you seek.

But, remember, your 21 so there is time.

Either be content with what you have which is 100% with two people, or ditch both and be friends and go out there again if your ready and see what's out there, you never know ..

You say it doesn't exist I'm not going to argue with that I am still searching but with compromise, communication, trust and understanding anything is possible.

If you truly don't see that in these men now then they are not going to change to accomodate what your after in life, they are who they are.

CW

[mr.mansview]

hey OTYA u obviuosly didn't get your program in the mail..r your WH dues paid up?

sorry linds..that was a stupid and insensitive thing to say..please accept my apology
__________________

[ThexMrs]

Thanks CW, me too.

Thanks Doc...

[mr.mansview]

But, remember, your 21 so there is time.

she's 22..didn't u get an invite to the party..as a mod u should be on top of this

[ThexMrs]

she's 22..didn't u get an invite to the party..as a mod u should be on top of this

I wasn't going to correct her. Close enough.

[mr.mansview]

I wasn't going to correct her. Close enough.

by the way..your profile still says 21..better update so simpletons like me don't get confused

[ThexMrs]

by the way..your profile still says 21..better update so simpletons like me don't get confused

Maybe you should check again cause it says 22.

Marty calls himself a simpleton.

[stressed]

Can I just add that when you say Marty is your best friend is a kind of a misuse of the word. You're in love with him, you can't be in love with two men at the same time, it's emotionally impossible. You just have different feelings for Jared because he's more easily available. I don't have time to write more, but I will return soon.

I haven't been following the issue, but why did you get together with Jared in the first place when you were still in love with another man? Was it because you didn't want to be alone or you just liked him?