[happy ending]

i know i sound paranoid, but i'm not i merely spent years of my life with a very accomplished lyer. The surprise attack can occasionally produce the truth!

[FrankieFrank]

tell her. shes an adult. she can decide for herself what she does with that information. but i would tell her, because i know how i'd feel if i was in her shoes and i wasn't told.
although i'd be wary that she may not believe you.

[despero]

I was in this very situation a long time ago. And I told my friend. Needless to say, we've never spoken since. She turned her anger toward me, didn't believe me, etc. She was a great friend. But love is love, and husbands are husbands....It depends on the woman. My friend didn't want to believe it. Then all of a sudden, he became the best thing on 2 legs in her eyes, and he could do absolutely no wrong. He was a butthead, and treated her like . I think, about a year or 2 later, they divorced. But I've still never talked to her. It hurt to lose the friendship, especially over that loser. But he was everything to her....

Friends kind of get the poop end of the stick in these situations. You're darned if you do, and darned if you don't. If say something, you risk losing your friend. If you don't say anything, and know something, and the friend finds out, you risk losing the friend.

I think, if you know the husband well enough, then yes, say something to him. But again, you run the risk of him turning the wife against you to lose credibility. My friend's husband was a butthead, so trying to talk to him was a waste of time. I asked my b/f at the time to talk to him....didn't do any good either.

I was in another situation where my best friends boyfriend tried to kiss me. I was absolutely beside myself! I yelled at him, told him to go home. I immediately called my friend and told her. I was in tears, because I was so afraid she would think I brought it on, somehow. She cried too, and said she knew that would happen. We went back and forth about it, she wanted both me and her b/f together to talk about it. I said my peace, and he denied the whole thing, calling me a liar, a B, etc. I just told her "I have no reason to lie to you, he does" Our friendship teatered for a bit, but 11 years later, we're still going strong, and she ditched that guy. (thankfully) But it was a rough time. I understood where she was coming from. She loved the guy...she WANTED to believe him...but she also knew that I had no reason to lie to her about it.

One thing to remember...as a woman, you can have a best friend. But if it comes down to a husband vs a friend...its a tough call.
Good Luck

[tasha1133]

There are conflicting opinions, both of which have a point. Which is the initial reason; why I was torn between my options . But I think I’ll ask my friend "hypothetically" what she'd do if she saw a friend's husband cheating on his wife. And let my actions follow, depending on her answer. (if she says she'd rather know, if it was her, then ill tell her i saw her husband kissing someone else(without adding or leaving anything out); if she says its none of her business she shouldn't get involved then I wont tell.) This is the best compromise I can think of. I really don't want to get caught in the middle.

Thank you for your replies. Very much appreciated.

[stressed]

There are conflicting opinions, both of which have a point. Which is the initial reason; why I was torn between my options . But I think I’ll ask my friend "hypothetically" what she'd do if she saw a friend's husband cheating on his wife. And let my actions follow, depending on her answer. (if she says she'd rather know, if it was her, then ill tell her i saw her husband kissing someone else(without adding or leaving anything out); if she says its none of her business she shouldn't get involved then I wont tell.) This is the best compromise I can think of. I really don't want to get caught in the middle.

Thank you for your replies. Very much appreciated.

What if she "hypothetically" asks you 'how did you come up with such a question' and she starts to have doubts about her husband or you knowing something?

[happy ending]

if she does have doubts over that hypothetical question, then i would say she is aware that there is a problem, maybe is hesitant to talk about it, or perhaps doesnt want to face it. what do other people think.

[tasha1133]

I told you that I would make my decision based on her answer. she said,if it was her, she would rather not know, so I will respect her decision and leave it at that.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Every cheater gets caught out.

Sub-consciously, you have now put a thought into her mind, whereby having said that to you, she probably has thought "yeah but hubby wouldn't" but then sees a few things that don't add up.

Be aware, that if she does all of a sudden start thinking, she may come back to you at some stage and question why you asked that..

CW

[tasha1133]

Every cheater gets caught out.

Sub-consciously, you have now put a thought into her mind, whereby having said that to you, she probably has thought "yeah but hubby wouldn't" but then sees a few things that don't add up.

Be aware, that if she does all of a sudden start thinking, she may come back to you at some stage and question why you asked that..

CW

yes, actually, judging by her reactions during our conversations. I think she already knows, but she very clearly made it a point to say that in such a situation, she would rather NOT know. Whatever her reasons may be, I will respect them. I will not force onto her some thing that she doesn't want to hear (but most probably already knows anyway). Of course should she come around and change her mind i will gladly tell her what I saw, and the rest will be up to her.