[WildChild]

Life is about moving forward, hopefully we learn, grow and increase our understanding. Don't be too hard on yourself. Take time for examination and self work but get out and have some fun too. Do work on letting go of what ever you hold that is negative, you don't want to meet someone who could truly love you and have your old baggage keep you from being able to love them.

[Alaric]

I had a tooth pulled today. I received several very sweet and supportive text messages with offers to look after me if I need anything , from my neighbor. Haven't heard from the wife yet.
As for being hard on myself , my only guilt is from harming my neighbor and not living up to my own ideals. I'm over any regrets regarding my wife. At this point I just can't feel any loyalty there. It's not because I'm in love with somebody else . It's because my wife left me long ago. The only thing she hasn't done yet is get a new address.
I'm giving the neighbor the space to look at her marraige , and she does love her husband . But , if circumstances allow in the future , I will be there. It pains me to admit I wish her well in her marraige. I want what's best for her. Isn't that what love is?

[stressed]

I had a tooth pulled today. I received several very sweet and supportive text messages with offers to look after me if I need anything , from my neighbor. Haven't heard from the wife yet.
As for being hard on myself , my only guilt is from harming my neighbor and not living up to my own ideals. I'm over any regrets regarding my wife. At this point I just can't feel any loyalty there. It's not because I'm in love with somebody else . It's because my wife left me long ago. The only thing she hasn't done yet is get a new address.
I'm giving the neighbor the space to look at her marraige , and she does love her husband . But , if circumstances allow in the future , I will be there. It pains me to admit I wish her well in her marraige. I want what's best for her. Isn't that what love is?

I guess the bottom line is, you had a number of unsolved problems in your marriage, you two didn't communicate as much as you could or wanted to, at some point one or both of you just stopped caring and eventually you started to feel much better about yourself once the neighbor situation started. Now you have a weakness for her, a crush, that will probably fade due to your approach towards it and because you know that carrying on won't lead you or her anywhere. You know you have to let her go because otherwise your relationship will affect her marriage and your next relationship.

As for your ex-wife-to-be, it doesn't seem to matter whether you tell her or not, but I still think she deserves to know as a person, from a human perspective. If she doesn't love you then it will only make things easier. I've been emotionally cheated on by my fiance, he wouldn't tell me the truth so I found out by myself. I was devastated but we made it through. Of course it still hurts from time to time, but that's all, I made my choice to fix it. If I didn't care I would have left him. And that's the choice I think your wife should have as well.

Sure, she will be hurt, but that's how it happened. We can't change the facts simply because we don't want to hurt others. We should have thought of that before it happened. We didn't make the choice to not hurt them in the first place, so who says that we have the choice to lie to them after we've done what we've done? Once it's done, it's there forever and all we can do is take the time to heal and make the choice to either put it in the back of our heads or let it take over. Besides, I don't think she'd appreciate it any more if you'd tell her after Christmas. Then she'd take it as if your behavior had been a lie all along and wonder about how many other things you've kept from her. I'm not saying she been the best towards you either, but in any case, she deserves to know. Be it now or after Christmas. That's just my opinion after having been on both sides of such a situation. You obviously don't see her as your wife anymore and you hardly mentioned her at the beginning of your posting, so just let it go and accept the responsibilities. It will make you an even better man.