[sourpuss]

Well, looks like the relationship went south this morning. Oh well, I was burnt out anyway.
I brought up the fact that he keeps saying I don't like his kid, which really bugs me because I really tried, but neither of them did so it was bound to fail. His response was that I didn't try half as hard as I think I did and every time we spent time together I just took off by myself. ....WHICH HE TOLD ME TO DO! and I didn't want to because I knew it didn't work, but I was trying to give them their time together. But on the last trip she said I always ditch them, so now it's me being a snob rather than me trying not to invade her time. He didn't bother to explain to her that I was trying to give them space, instead he just turned it around that I ignore them. I can't believe it! No wonder she's a brat.

[pretzel]

Well, looks like the relationship went south this morning. Oh well, I was burnt out anyway.
I brought up the fact that he keeps saying I don't like his kid, which really bugs me because I really tried, but neither of them did so it was bound to fail. His response was that I didn't try half as hard as I think I did and every time we spent time together I just took off by myself. ....WHICH HE TOLD ME TO DO! and I didn't want to because I knew it didn't work, but I was trying to give them their time together. But on the last trip she said I always ditch them, so now it's me being a snob rather than me trying not to invade her time. He didn't bother to explain to her that I was trying to give them space, instead he just turned it around that I ignore them. I can't believe it! No wonder she's a brat.

Sweetie, being a brat is a learned behavior. I think it's time to face a reality that no matter what you do, it will never be enough. You're not going to let her run your life like she's running his. You will always be the fall guy and the mean one. Sorry, both of them are spoiled brats and they feed off each other.

[sourpuss]

That's what I told him this morning. His only response is to say that I'm jealous of her. Totally immature and a perfect way to shut me down.
What ticks me off is that he lets everyone in his life walk all over him and the second I have a feeling I want to bring up, I get shut down in a super immature way. I bet if I was nasty and immature just like everyone else, he'd actually give me respect, so lame. I just don't get it.

[rhiannon34]

Sounds like him and his daughter has a strange relationship and he lets her run the show. He doesn't have the juevos to stand up to her and be a parent. Now that he realizes he can't do it, he will turn the blame on you. Good thing you found out all this about him early on and can cut your losses. I'm sorry this didn't work out for you, but when one door closes......

[sourpuss]

The crappy part about the whole thing is that now we own this camper together and a boat. I won't see him for almost two weeks, if at all. I hate things being unresolved. (he just walked out this morning in a huff after saying a bunch of nasty things) and won't have cell service for a couple of days, and then he has his girl until monday...then back to work with no cell service until the end of next week. It's going to eat at me, I hate this.

Now I have no idea what to do with the camper and the boat, I don't even own a truck. Oh and by the way, he never even explained to his kid that the camper is half mine, so I've been treated like an intruder on their happy camping time this whole summer. WTH?!

[Ashlee T.]

I agree with the others...I think you've been very patient. Unfortunately, I think his behaviour is fairly typical of parents who split and only have a certain amount of time with the kid. Doesn't take long before kiddo realized he/she can play both ends against the middle. And it goes into the teenage years too "WHY can't I go to Bobby's party!?!? I'm calling Mom to come get me, SHE'LL let me go". Then she calls mom, who then feels "special" because Bratty McBrat called HER and wants to come home to her instead. *rolling eyes*. Similar thing happened recently to my friend who is going through a divorce. Her 5 year old son (I've posted about in another post. hehe) decided one week night he wanted to go to his "nana's" house and see his cousin. "Nana" is his grandma on his dads side....so my friend taking him over there to hang out wouldn't go over well. So, she said no. He threw a fit. Screamed. Cried. Called his dad who was more than willing to come pick him up....and my friend by that time was pulling her hair out and agreed. Later that month at their custody hearing, her ex-husband brought that up....."He called me to come get him because he was mad at his mom and didn't want to be there with her." See how things get twisted? Ick!

I almost think that the only thing for you to do is either go about your merry way and chalk this one up to a lesson learned......... or to start making more of an issue of it when it's actually happening. He needs to understand that it's not even 100% about her treatment of you.....it's about the fact that he's setting himself and whomever he ends up with up for a life of tension/turmoil/fighting with a child who thinks she should ALWAYS have her way (and gets it).

I dunno...I just get the feeling that you've been more than patient with several different things in this relationship. You've really made the effort to work through certain issues, compromise and even sacrifice things you want in order to be with him because of the things about him you love. I believe at this point, he's used to you trying, you compromising. He doesn't see her the way you do. When my friend refers to her son as "my sweet little _____" I think to myself "how can she really think that!?!?!" .......but she does. No one is going to change that.......

I think dating someone with a kid is fine......but for someone as strong willed, independant, and respectful as yourself they're going to need to be someone who has a good grasp on parenting, someone who teaches their kid respect, values, morals, etc. Not someone who lets their kid be the Royal Brat of all Brats just because he loves her. It's not healthy....and will not make for a healthy OR happy life.

[KMonte85]

I was sorry to read about this situation this morning, sp. It sucks. and there is little you can really do anymore - you've been patient, you've put your foot down, you've bent over backwards, and you've just had it all thrown in your face today.

You've got a long few days ahead of you, that's for sure... but it might not be all bad. On the one hand, yea you're kind of in limbo right now, but on the other it gives you (AND HIM!) time to think about your situation, what was said, how you feel, etc and make a well-thought decision on where to go from here both with your personal life and your co-owned posessions!... not that you should spend the entire time thinking (dwelling) on what happened, you've also got a great excuse to go out there and pamper yourself a bit by doing something you love!

[Ashlee T.]

Now I have no idea what to do with the camper and the boat, I don't even own a truck. Oh and by the way, he never even explained to his kid that the camper is half mine, so I've been treated like an intruder on their happy camping time this whole summer. WTH?!

Somehow I missed the whole "things turned sour" post before I posted this morning. He just doesn't see it the way you do. Maybe he's selfish. Otherwise, I can't understand why he couldn't put himself in your shoes. But it seems that he can't do that or just isn't doing it.

He should've introduced the camper to her as "this is OUR camper" meaning you and him...so she'd understand that was something you all did together. But maybe he just didn't see it as a big deal. And I have a feeling where she's concerned, you'd be treated as an intruder no matter where you all were.

I think it's a good time to have this time apart...as much as you hate things being unresolved....really use this time to think of this relationship in it's entirety. What do you really value about this relationship? Also think about the things you have compromised on? (not little things....talkin big things like the whole sex thing) What things has he compromised on? Use these days to sit back and reevaluate what YOU really want.

[sourpuss]

Thank you! I know I need to not let it get to me, but I just hate it, ugh. I was going to go visit my folks but I know they'll notice that I'm upset and want to talk about it, which I'm not interested in.
And not to mention that I have a bout in a week and another national tournament in one month. This is the last thing I need right now. I really just needed support.

[Ashlee T.]

Hmm...well I say use this spare time, this tension, anger, hurt....(whatever it is youre feeling) and direct it towards this upcoming tournament. Refuse confrontation with him. At this point it's a waste of breath. He knows how you feel because you've told him, more than once. No need in re-hashing what's already been said. No need in trying to "make" him understanding something he clearly doesn't. So refuse confrontation. You're not wrong. So let it be, focus on productive things...and let him make the effort here.