[jns]

SP, sorry to hear things didn't work out. Many times in today's age, adults don't act like adults and they want, need or let their children to act like adults. I'm sure you'll be in a much better relationship with someone else soon.

[Hopeless Dork]

I'm sorry SP but with all the other problems you have put up with from this man... this could be a blessing in disguise. If he was so weak-minded to allow this to come in between you he would have left you if a psychic hotline from the back of a cereal box told him to do so. You don't need it, you are so right.

But whether its good for you or not I know it hurts and shakes your faith in the possibility of finding anyone worth it... but you will. In the meantime, you have to be worth it to yourself and focus on what you like and want to be happy.

[pretzel]

Sorry about this SP, but like others have said, it just may well be a blessing in disguise and a good one at that.

And it's no so much that his daughter made the decision for him. This is an excuse.

He made the decision and used his daughter as his out.

Dude's got no balls.

[sourpuss]

Ugh! He called yesterday in tears apologizing and saying he's going to start disciplining her and making her be nice, etc etc.
Then her mom called and left a message that the kid was really upset and thought that I didn't like her and that the girl wasn't ready to talk about it until she could talk to me first. Now I feel terrible.

[jns]

Meet with the child and her mother if you want to. If you are going to rekindle this relationship, you will need both on your side. The child didn't realize the consequences of her actions and how they would affect her father. She is, after all, a child. As for the guy, it sounds like he is blaming his daughter. When will he act like the adult in the situation? He was the one who conveyed the message. It would be OK in such a case to "shoot the messenger".

[sourpuss]

He's never disciplined her, that's where the whole problem started. He only gets to see her on weekends and he doesn't feel like he has enough time to spend with her as is so he doesn't want it to be negative time. But now she's growing up and turning in to a selfish brat (mainly because her mother and all her friends are very selfish, materialist people). She sees her mom bully him and be snotty, so she just does the same thing, and not just to him, to me and I've seen her boss her little friends around too, she's just a kid.

He did admit that she needs proper discipline and that he's going to start. I feel like I should at least give him a chance to try to make it work. And I for sure have to give the little girl a chance to talk to me.

[pretzel]

He's never disciplined her, that's where the whole problem started. He only gets to see her on weekends and he doesn't feel like he has enough time to spend with her as is so he doesn't want it to be negative time. But now she's growing up and turning in to a selfish brat (mainly because her mother and all her friends are very selfish, materialist people). She sees her mom bully him and be snotty, so she just does the same thing, and not just to him, to me and I've seen her boss her little friends around too, she's just a kid.



He did admit that she needs proper discipline and that he's going to start. I feel like I should at least give him a chance to try to make it work. And I for sure have to give the little girl a chance to talk to me.

sour, these are words. Yeah they feel guilty but for how long?

Discipline? How? When?

She's 6. She made daddy feel sad. Once daddy doesn't feel sad, then she's ok.

You don't need to talk to her. You're not her parents. They are. He needs to build a relationship with his daughter that isn't "I only get you on weekends so I don't want to make you upset" into one of "I'm you dad and sometimes dad's have to do things that you won't like but it's for your benefit".

Until that happens, I wouldn't bring him back into your life in the same way it was before.

As I've said many times, words are important, but actions are more important.

[KMonte85]

As I've said many times, words are important, but actions are more important.

I agree with pretzel! Tread lightly if you choose to allow him back into your life... He was so quick, SO quick to cast you aside as soon as his daughter was having a little hissy fit. Then his daughter gets upset again, realizing what she did to her dad, and he calls and wants you back.

I'm not so certain that she doesn't still have your boyfriend wrapped quite tightly around her finger... and that it would only take another hissy fit and you'd be out in the snow again. Actions speak louder than words, for sure... and so far all actions have pointed to you being thrown about like ragdoll on the little girl's whims...

protect yourself, protect your heart.. you deserve to be treated like a queen!

[sourpuss]

Thank you! I am definitely on guard. I think I should at least give the two of them a chance to try to make things better. I don't want to be the person that gets mad and then when a solution is presented act like it's not good enough. Everyone deserves a chance to prove what they say I think. (myself included)
I'm going to give one more camping weekend a chance and see if there's progress made as far as not allowing her to throw hissy fits when she doesn't get what she wants. If it continues to be the same ol same ol then I'll quietly walk away from the whole situation.

Apparently yesterday when she woke up this is what happened:

She asked her dad why we weren't camping that day. (we came home early because it was too much and everyone was miserable)
He told her that because she was so naughty and not nice that no one was having fun and that she hurt my feelings so we all came home. Of course, she burst into tears. Then he told her that from now on she was going to be good, kind and considerate to everyone no matter what. And she said "Well, I know what good means and I can follow rules, but can you teach me what kind and considerate means?"
So I guess that's a start. I know she's confused and scared, and on top of that she's only 6, so I have to keep that in mind.

[pretzel]

Thank you! I am definitely on guard. I think I should at least give the two of them a chance to try to make things better. I don't want to be the person that gets mad and then when a solution is presented act like it's not good enough. Everyone deserves a chance to prove what they say I think. (myself included)
I'm going to give one more camping weekend a chance and see if there's progress made as far as not allowing her to throw hissy fits when she doesn't get what she wants. If it continues to be the same ol same ol then I'll quietly walk away from the whole situation.

Apparently yesterday when she woke up this is what happened:

She asked her dad why we weren't camping that day. (we came home early because it was too much and everyone was miserable)
He told her that because she was so naughty and not nice that no one was having fun and that she hurt my feelings so we all came home. Of course, she burst into tears. Then he told her that from now on she was going to be good, kind and considerate to everyone no matter what. And she said "Well, I know what good means and I can follow rules, but can you teach me what kind and considerate means?"
So I guess that's a start. I know she's confused and scared, and on top of that she's only 6, so I have to keep that in mind.

ok. I can see your point about "ok, one more try is worth it."

But let me ask you, why did he have to put the whole burden of the three of you leaving early solely on her? That's bull.

She's now feels that she has to sit straight, shut up and be nice just to be included.

Confused and scared is right.