[rcoreyus]

FWIW, this wouldn't be at all unusual in my relationship. My wife just told me that she was going to the opera with a male friend (I don't like the opera). She has gone before - doesn't bother me at all. I've gone places with female friends - often have lunch. Neither of us is worried.

[jns]

kygirl, I think you may be overreacting. You will have to find out his motives and views of the situation when you talk to him about it in the future. He may have thought of it as a business meeting. Does he discuss all of his business decisions with you? He may have thought of it as doing something with a friend. If so, he should have told you in advance, but do you want to be in the middle of the decisions of how he interacts with his friends? Or just his friends who are women of an age where something could happen in another world? Are you willing to follow the same rules for your guy friends? What's good enough for the goose is good enough for the gander.

[kygirl]

jns, I *always* tell him when I doing something with any of my guy friends. I tell him what exactly we're doing and generally invite him along because it's never anything that he couldn't come if he really wanted to. He has met the people I hang out with on a regular basis. I do think I freaked out a bit, but I also believe it is nice to give me a heads up. As previously stated, I just found it a bit odd. I would feel better if I had met her and was at least a bit more familiar but what's done is done. We will discuss this afterward in passing and maybe then I can explain to him that it'd just be nice if he'd give me a heads up prior to committing to something like that. Or to discuss what our boundaries are.

[kygirl]

FWIW, this wouldn't be at all unusual in my relationship. My wife just told me that she was going to the opera with a male friend (I don't like the opera). She has gone before - doesn't bother me at all. I've gone places with female friends - often have lunch. Neither of us is worried.

Rcoreyus,

I'm not so much worried as it just struck me as strange. You said your wife has gone before, and that's fine. If he'd hung out iwth her since we'd been dating, then okay. Or even if it was to lunch or to something I didn't want to go to. It just kind of came up out of the blue, and from what I've gathered, it was not to help him out but rather so she'd have a date to attend. Just dont' know how I feel about it...

[sourpuss]

Sounds like she needed a date and he's doing her a favor by going with her. I wouldn't be too worried, you're the one he's with and she's married. If I were in her shoes, I'd probably do the same thing. I hate showing up to stuff like that alone.

[Ashlee T.]

I'm still agreeing with Ky. I think the point is not about her being jealous that something will happen, or some love will blossom that night and the woman will leave her husband and take up with him. But more so, the feeling that she was not considered. I think that ideally, we'd all like to think that situation wouldn't bother us. But in reality, if we put ourselves in ky's shoes, this is a woman she's never met, someone who really hasn't been much a part of his life in much of any capacity, and she asks him to be her "date". As the woman, the girlfriend on the other side of that, I'd feel a bit disrespected by her, and a bit disregarded by him. The feelings really have nothing to do with being afraid he'll cheat or that there's something more going on.

My ex told me one afternoon that his coworker called him (on one of his days off) to come over to her FRIENDS house to help them paint. Now keep in mind this is a coworker he doesn't really socialize with much, doesn't talk to much, yet she calls him to come over to her SINGLE friends house to help them paint and then asked him to go to a baseball game with them later. I found it a bit disrespectful of me on their part. And my comment was "They don't include me in anything they do, I invite them to girls nights and they don't come, yet they don't have a problem with asking my boyfriend to do things with them?" I felt disrespected.

I feel like if I were in this womans position, married, hubby out of town and needed someone to go to this dinner with, if I did ask a an acquaintance who I knew had a GF, the first thing I'd say is "Do you think it would bother ____ if you acted as my date that night? Tell her I owe her a girls night and a drink!". Ya know....something to show that you actually are considering the other person.

And where the BF is concerned, again, it's not a matter of mistrust, but more so the feeling of not being considered. Like a "that sounds fun, but let me talk to my gf before I commit to it and make sure there's nothing going on that night".

[pretzel]

I'd have to agree with BD's last 2 paragraphs.

Haven't said alot on this other than my initial comments, but as the thread has progressed, this is where I think I'm at now.

The function itself may not be a big deal pre se, but the lack of communication and snub of not being thought of in this process is something that your bf should be made aware of. He may very well have thought it was no big deal to you, but that's not for him to decide.

Simple acknowledgement of your thoughts on the matter should have occurred.

[rcoreyus]

This is one of these cases that is very difficult to judge from outside. It depends on how you both normally behave, on his attitude, lots of things. It might be completely fine an innocent - but of course something could be up.

Rcoreyus,

I'm not so much worried as it just struck me as strange. You said your wife has gone before, and that's fine. If he'd hung out iwth her since we'd been dating, then okay. Or even if it was to lunch or to something I didn't want to go to. It just kind of came up out of the blue, and from what I've gathered, it was not to help him out but rather so she'd have a date to attend. Just dont' know how I feel about it...

[kygirl]

This is one of these cases that is very difficult to judge from outside. It depends on how you both normally behave, on his attitude, lots of things. It might be completely fine an innocent - but of course something could be up.

I don't think anything is up. I think the fact of the matter is that maybe I'm just generally cool about things. I don't make a big deal of things and until now, I haven't felt like I need to. He has gal pals but when they hang out it is always in a group with other guys and gals. And for me personally, I have like one main guy that is one of my really close friends who he met very early on, I have explained our relationship, etc to him and still we mainly do lunch because we work together. I tell the bf if he and I plan anything in advance and I have never done anything that he wasnt' welcome to come to if he was free to do so.

I will talk to him but at this point I have more than enough on my plate and it's this Saturday so he's already committed and there's no fear of anything happening really so I'm not going to be "that girl" that throws a fit...

I will, however, address this with him after things settle down so it is a discussion but not necessarily related to that one event. I just would like to have been told about it and maybe had him ask me before agreeing to do something. Especially on a holiday weekend, and considering he's supposed to be getting final word on India this week and everything, and the fact that I know practically nothing about this girl or what their relationship is like. I trust him because he's never given me a reason not to but it's odd for her to just ask him out of nowhere when they haven't seen each other the entire time we've been dating...

If I randomly told him I was going to an event on a weekend night with some guy who he had only heard about in passing, I'm sure he'd feel like maybe I should have ran it by him first as well...

[rcoreyus]

Its also easy to sometimes think too much about a situation. Hi might just not have thought / forgotten to mention it.