[Deenie88]

As for when and how he can talk to her? It's natural to keep in touch with people, daily is not natural, he has to see that, regardless of your thoughts it's not healthy for anyone to communicate daily with an ex, including him, as he has to concentrate himself on the present, not the past, even if they are just friends.... She will rely on him with her problems, and she needs to stand on her own feet and rely on herself and find someone else in her life, therefore to have that type of communication with, which is a relationship..

So since I am having the same issue with my bf (he is "proud" of staying in contact with most of his exes, thinks it is healthy and means he has no issues with them/or them with him), I wonder, Chandler's Wish, what you consider "natural amount of contact"? Just wondering if I have a right to be jealous of these exes (and ok, I admit, I snooped also and found out about another relationship (less than 14 months before me) that he hasn't owned up to yet?).

[sourpuss]

I don't know, something tells me he is telling the truth. From everything Mes has said on here about him, and given their situation, it really does seem like he was just being one of those clueless guys who truly does not understand why it would hurt her feelings.

I've found that the more guys care about a relationship, the more relaxed they become and seem to be more and more clueless. It's like they are finally comfortable and don't have to worry about our feelings so they just go along like they normally would....all the while we're fuming inside and they honestly do not get it.

I could be wrong, but I do think he didn't mean any harm by it. I hope I'm right. Regardless, Mes, you are so smart, mature and drop dead gorgeous, if this doesn't work out, you'll be just fine.

Enjoy NZ and be sure to keep us in the loop of your travels there!

[stressed]

Well that was some good progress. However, it seems like their communication is going to continue in one way or another (and with your consent). On the one hand he honestly doesn't want to hurt you, on the other hand he did something he knew it would hurt you, twice, and instead of wanting to totally end the contact by himself he is simply going to "adjust to the rules". Live the relationship to the fullest and have a great time. No point over-thinking right now.

But do remember that asking your man to end contact with his ex is not controlling behaviour, it's a right you have by being the most important woman in his life. The one he chose. Having trust issues in past relationships does not mean that your current guy has the right to do whatever he wants with whoever he wants. The are reasonable limits. Ex situations are sensitive and the person currently in your life has a first say in this; not the ex or the one who wants both in his life.

[Mes T]

Thanks so so so so SOOOO much you guys, for your support. I don't know what I would have done in a situation like this without you guys.

My glasses are sure not rose colored anymore, that I can promise. I can't help but feel... just a tiny bit less in love than before. Maybe it's because of the ex fiasco, but maybe it's also because of the whole infatuation phase being gone.

Anyway, I can say that for right now things are back to being good with us, and I'm also quite independent despite being in a new country. If things go sour, nothing will stop me from going out on my own, enjoying myself, maybe working or just traveling, and then going back to the States and working toward my career goal.

And dangit I'm waiting on my landlords to get us internet in the house! Grrrrr I need my WH!

[Ashlee T.]

Glad things are better, and I hope they continue to be.