[Seniora]

I don't want to save the world, otherwise I'd belong to an advice forum on the internet and dispense help that way. I'm simply updating on my experiences from a much earlier thread. I don't speak to this fellow any more because of his general tone, but have found other much nicer people - similar to the real flesh and blood people in my life: non-threatening and good listeners. Doesn't mean I don't feel sorry for the original internet companion because he has nothing, really. Not everyone has the resources and, like the homeless, are deserving of our sympathy and compassion.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Nice that you thought of us and wanted to up-date. I sencerely wans't talking about you but in general and then, your heart. You have a beautiful one in your own way as we all do in our own way.. Yes, everyone deserves for someone to be there for them... in giving... 100 percent on that line.

Again thank you for sharing your journey here.

What do you mean though of "real flesh and blood, people in your life" they are interent and yet these people are relevantly new yes?

[Seniora]

Real 'flesh and blood' is the people you have as friends in your daily lives - that's what I meant. This is totally different to any acquaintance you might have on the internet - though these can be productive and meaningful too. I have two such (gay) male friends now from as far afield as USA and Italy and we talk music. We all respect each other and our individual ideas and views - and there's a lot of humour too. This complements my music group which I attend here at home once a week, plus the usual friends which one sees occasionally. Like most, I have friends going back nearly 40 years and it's nice to know a range of people.

My internet companion from Europe - the one I initially wrote about on this forum - has been given the silent treatment by me. My husband says to ignore him and he'll go away. I just didn't like his aggressive language to me in an email several weeks back (no swearing, nothing sexual - just inappropriately aggressive). If I write and say it's over between us this may end up in a confrontation and I want to avoid that. He has been fairly persistent in the last few weeks, sending me 4 emails to which I have made no response. It's sad that he just doesn't 'get it' about his behaviour and why it's over. Should I write and say I want no more, or just leave it and hope he gets the hint. I wouldn't like anybody else treating me this way, and yet in the past when I've said "enough" he has come back - like a boomerang. Oh dear...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Actually, you are right, in meaningful, but productive? I have "real friends" on the Internet, they have proven their reality to me. Through many things really, their wishes, their cards, their love which has shown to be un-conditional, their friendship that has tested time only to be back on track as it was real, and that they don't just talk about themselves, they "ask" about me... So I see nothing productive rather reality of believe, love and honestly which comes in many forms. It's those that can see honestly that can see reality.

I don't get this bit about "It's over" did you ever write that to your internet friend? Those words...

Seniora, does he serve a purpose in your life? Does he strengthen it? Enlighten it? If not, block him from your emails. There is no room for negativety in your life, in anyones life. He wants to win, you have chosen to ignore, he's creepy and he will not give up and I think it's time to block him...Gay, non gay, if you laugh and enjoy then they are people you should have in your life

I don't agree with your husband ,this person is passionate, he will not go away... You have to decide if you do not wish to converse and if you can not block him, then I suggest you tell him, I am aware I am not the only one you continue to email, but I can tell you, I do not wish, I choose not to communicate with you, when you email, I delete, I do not read, so you are wasting your time but I wish you the best in life, I don't require you in my life.

[Seniora]

Hello Good Cop! Good name. Thanks for the advice. I have blocked this person from my Hotmail address but I am unable to find a 'block' facility on Gmail so I have his emails coming in. This is why I ask you: we have, many times before, said "this is over" - and he always finds an excuse to come back to me. I have said all those things, except "It's over" - he's actually said that to me about a year ago himself, now look ....!! These words mean nothing to him. I have farewelled, said 'best wishes for the future' etc., and "I'm over this/goodbye" and after a couple of months he's back again. You ask what purpose he serves in my life (makes him sound like a supermarket product!!) - well, he USED to make me laugh and is intelligent but also very strange, lacking empathy etc. (typical Narcissist). He followed me to another music forum (stalking!) and when I asked him to leave he promptly did so. Why can't he get the hint about our not contacting anymore. I would not go to the Gmail site, only my 3 other internet musical companions join me there for great discussions, laughter and we share pictures of our beautiful countries. Sadly, my erstwhile friend is living in the past - he's still occasionally calling me by my old user-name (just for a joke) and I've moved on ages ago from that. So, I'm "under cover" on another forum where he cannot find me and I'm feeling liberated. I really don't know what he wants from me CW - except that I think he's very lonely, but if he'd do some soul-searching to find out why....!! It all leaves me feeling sad and compassionate for troubled individuals. Cheers.

[Seniora]

BTW, CW - I meant "productive" friendships in the context that these kinds of relationships with others PRODUCE feelings of goodwill in others and are a positive affirmation of our own humanity. A friendship which is not "productive" means one that isn't going anywhere. I supposed I doubled up on the terms "meaningful" and "productive" - though the latter could mean a 'business' relationship too, I guess. Sorry about the confusion.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You are much like me, compassionate, yet enough...He wants control to win.

.

You ask what purpose he serves in my life (makes him sound like a supermarket product!!)

Why? He fitted in in your life, made you laugh until you realised he stalked...

Ignore the emails... I guess that is all you can do but understand, if not you, he will go onto someone else.

Wondering about someone, is one thing, when they enter a space you don't want them to enter, that is another thing.

[Seniora]

I never understood what you meant by "wants to win". It isn't a game, as far as I'm concerned. A game is something one normally enjoys - a challenge, when success is its own reward. I don't see any "win" here - I live the other side of the world and am a grandmother of 4. Yes, I know a lot of about certain topics - but I cannot see what the 'control' could be from that distance. Narcissists are controlling, yes, but he's NEVER been able to control me for a mega-second and this friendship is nudging 2 years now. Trouble was, we actually talked on Skype - voice to voice - about 18 months ago. Two long conversations and then 'chat' for sometimes up to 5 hours. I read recently that when you make that kind of connection with people - as opposed to just typing on the internet - that problem-solving is often made easier. This hasn't proven to be the case, but I think the initial act of talking has sparked this in the first place. Yes, he's spoken to others on Skype - but, to my knowledge, he doesn't do that now. A couple of them were idiots from the forum and a waste of time..!! I never understood that at all as I wouldn't waste my energy talking to people about nothing at all!! Well, you've used these words 'win' and 'control' a few times and they've intrigued me - that's all. I'm wondering if I should feel worried about this turn of events? I mean, what's the worst thing than can happen?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I never understood what you meant by "wants to win". It isn't a game, as far as I'm concerned

.

5HRS? Lordy You know I go with gut feeling and I am not aware that I've used those words a few times with you, win/control...

But, he has cut you off before, then came back in... If you cut him off then it's your game, your choice if you let him back in or not.. There he has the chance of losing, control and the "game".. How dare you, I don't really care for you anymore, like you much, but you ain't going to win... This is why he can leave it for a long time, only to call back up, via email, phone doesn't matter.. As the pawn is safe, over on the side, along way away until he decides to reach for it again.

[Seniora]

This issue just won't die and I'm fed up with it. (I have other problems with family and this is a distraction from that). My erstwhile internet companion has tracked me down at another music forum! I knew this would surely happen as the 'community' for these forums if fairly small anyway. He has signed up and already has made comments in reference to me that only I would understand. This is tantamount to 'stalking' as he's had ample opportunity in the past to join this forum and didn't bother until I ignored his private emails. It's a kind of psychological warfare he plays. If he was in any way a normal human being he'd write, "Oh, hi Seniora, I see you're on this forum too - we'll have lots of interesting discussions", or even something in a humorous vein. No, instead of this, he plays games he knows will do my head in. Fortunately I have the forum administrator on my side and I've re-appeared with a new name - but this is ridiculous; I have a good reputation and why should I start from scratch because of some loser? He hasn't given up his obsession with me, it seems, though I had decided some months ago I wanted him out of my life. His typical strategy is to home in on people who 'talk' to me on the forum and to interrogate their ideas! He ends up embarrassing himself every time, and me too. What CAN I do as it seems I will never get peace from this person. What DOES he want from me (that's funny; he often asked ME that same question!). Cheers