[Seniora]

Chandler's Wish, of course I was absolutely GENERALIZING here. I know ANYTHING is possible, but should people hope for that!? I'm glad you met your boyfriend through the Internet, though! You are obviously a good and savvy person.

I agree with the last poster from Switzerland about casual relationships. Yes, and the serendipitous "good fortune" if you do actually meet those people. Some of the people on the forum I belonged to (I've left now) have met each other and have kept in touch occasionally. They all liked each other because each was visiting Vienna (where I will be living for a year, 10 weeks from today!) as they had a shared love of classical music. In fact, I'm meeting a female from that site in Vienna just after I get there!! She has helped me with a lot of information about Vienna. Others have said she is very nice, so I'm not going into it completely "blind". Yes, I agree about meeting males out in public places - there are a couple of married fellows who are coming to Vienna and I'll hopefully meet them somewhere in town for a coffee. I'll be with my husband too.

Facebook - I have issues with. You should see that film, "The Social Network"!! But it is useful for brief updates and private messages. I just don't like the whole concept of the exponential growth in "friendships" with people we just don't know!!

Meanwhile, I'm EXTREMELY WARY of the online thing now. Cheers!

[blue soul]

Hi Seniora Thank you! I like to think I am a nice person. I am also from Australia. About my username I did an online quiz and the quiz showed I am a blue soul or caring personality which describes me perfectly. You could say I may have a bit of a depression at the moment. I am very prone to depression especially when something goes wrong in my life. I have a very supportive husband so that keeps me going.

Chandler's Wish I love being a moderator on the forum. There is a lot to this story which I can't really go into the detail. I think the forum gave me a purpose in life and without the forum I feel like I am nothing.
At the time the forum came along I had already been questioning what I was doing and what I could do in my life. So being part of the forum gave me that purpose. Now I just feel at loss and that is something missing out of my life. I am feeling very uncomfortable now going back to the forum after having a personal issue with a moderator.
I really want to go back to the forum but at the same time I really don't know if I can. My husband is telling me to leave it for the weekend and see how I feel about it until next week.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Always follow your passion " I love being a Moderator on the forum".. One person can not take away whom you are and what you have given and what you have to give...

If you feel it gave you purpose in life? Then it di. I get that

It's a calling if you will where before hand you were not sure of what was happening

Uncomfortabilty is one person, I've explained my thoughts on that, not a whole lot of people that otherwise may be the reason why you became part of this..

Have a think...

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Chandler's Wish, of course I was absolutely GENERALIZING here. I know ANYTHING is possible, but should people hope for that!? I'm glad you met your boyfriend through the Internet, though! You are obviously a good and savvy person.

We dream a dream...Yes I met my boyfriend but not my fiancee and future husband, him I met accidentally and I'm living with him

I did meet whom I thought, he was... But it wasn't to be... and I felt that as well...

Everyone I have met on the internet and met in person as males go spoke more of whom they want to be but alas couldn't be whom they want to be in person..

Point I was trying to make It's a fantasy of whom they want to be, not reality..

CW

[Seniora]

Blue soul: why not try Lifeline counselling if you live in Australia? You would appreciate this outlet. It sounds as though you are a little bored because, perhaps, you do not work? What about further education? I did this myself, starting when I was 28 and studying through my 4 childrens' early lives to finally become a High School English teacher. I am now preparing to study at University again when I return from Vienna in 2012 - either more study in German or an MA by research, or a PhD (big commitment). But, Blue Soul, your husband sounds absolutely lovely!! Please think about my suggestions.

CW: yes, people online do wish to be another person - look at my earlier posting on this. My "friend" online is many people at the same time: a poor, tortured soul who puts up a front of good humour (but I easily see through this). I'm finally coming to the view that he threw me over because of jealousy. Sad, but also flattering...?

Have a good one...!

[Seniora]

Well, after bloggers have been more of less following this long story about Online Friendships I thought you might also like to know how it all ended. My "friend" on the internet has sent me a very rude email telling me "we can email each other again" (it was almost an order!) - after totally ignoring 4 emails of mine in the last 6-8 weeks. He is copping flak on the internet forum about Music and has come running to me for sympathy! I've told him, "I'm completely over all of this, but best of luck for you for the future". I've never said anything rude or inappropriate to this man - privately OR publicly. I have never been anything but loyal and honourable, but Narcissists can never understand these concepts. Since I've known him I've done detailed research about mental illness, prompted by my sister who is a Clinical Psychologist. It turns out that "my friend" has Narcissistic Personality Disorder with Borderline and Obsessive Compulsive "co-morbidities". He fits this template like a hand in a glove - UNBELIEVABLE!! He knew I was onto him too, which made him all the more defensive in the end. What I can't believe is how behavioural traits can be carbon copied from some "list" of symptoms of a particular disorder - it's like the people themselves got together to agree on a set of behaviours! I don't understand this at all. Anyway, that's the conclusion to the story for anybody who wants to pursue a friendship from the internet - no matter how much you may have in common. It says of Narcissists that they can "share common interests" but Type B Disorders (which is what he is) cannot share emotional intimacy, friendship, morals, values or anything such thing. In the end I feel extremely sorry for him, not to mention the fact that there are 3 children (youngest 6) in this equation who have a high potential for emotional damage. I'd die if I thought I'd become friends with somebody who could be violent with his family!! I hope others can learn from this. PS: It doesn't give me a minute's pleasure to learn of this man's problems; I only ever wanted to wish him well.

[Seniora]

Post script: to the above posting. Narcissists don't have friends (as the rest of us do). They have what is medically called "Narcissistic supply" - in other words, they find people whom they think will reflect their beautiful, fabulous selves back to them. Another sobering thought is that when they DO contact you, it's not about you; it's about THEM.

[Seniora]

Stop press! My erstwhile internet companion is still hovering about in my life. He is still referring to me on the forum (to which I have not belonged for 6 months) and now has sent me a private email asking me to return to the forum (note that he does not want to return to private messages and emails). Trouble is, his communications are often insulting - poor man doesnt seem to know any better how to communicate with people he likes!! He behaves like a bully and I wont have a second of this. But why is he still fixated with me and why contact me still? It has been months since we agreed not to contact each other. I`m very sad he is troubled, but I draw the line at bullying. What is going on here?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I've realized that I've been dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder with my online friend. I've been given the silent treatment and this is their modus operandi, apparently. I'm unsure what I've done to "deserve" this

One side of him misses the connection but then the arguements a feel of "good be gone", and he wins to then no one eise is talking to me I'll try again..

You attract what you attract into your life, it you let a negative person whom may be intelligent into your life to full fill part of your life but ultimately screw (can I say that?) your mind and allow them to re-enter? You are not helping yourself and they have indeed got into your mind where you almost become obsessed yourself, look back at all you have written how happy you were when he sent you emails of "work", how proud you felt, this is not a nice game don't play it...Let him go.. There are others whom you can intillectually get to know...

[Seniora]

Thanks CW. I have no intention of responding or playing any game. I just wanted some insights as it is one of the most bizarre experiences of my life. I have just had a 2 month touring all around Europe and Scandinavia, and I come back to this man and his garbage. I will have to "block sender" on Hotmail. Thanks again.