[Despina83]

I don't know how to change it. I can't just snap my fingers and make myself into an outgoing, chatty, smiley person. There are thousands of shy people out there, and the majority of them have friends and a social life, or if not, at least a boyfriend. People should be able to accept me for who I am. I guess I would probably fit in better on a board for people with social anxiety.

[ItsASecret]

If your life consisted of work and on your days off you had no one to hang out with, see a movie with, even chat with on the phone. My co-workers respect me because I'm a hard worker, but when push comes to shove, it seems like they're all friends getting together after work and they don't want to talk to me too much. I have to live knowing that my teenage years, a time when you're supposed to be dating and hanging out at the mall with friends, was spent reading quietly by myself in my bedroom. When I was 13-15 years old I spent time with a 3/4 year old little girl across the street because there was no one my age around to talk to. Watching Telletubbies and riding bikes with her. And having her parents ask me, "um...don't you have any friends your own age?" How do you think I feel about that?

I don't know how to change it. I can't just snap my fingers and make myself into an outgoing, chatty, smiley person. There are thousands of shy people out there, and the majority of them have friends and a social life, or if not, at least a boyfriend. People should be able to accept me for who I am. I guess I would probably fit in better on a board for people with social anxiety.

I am more or less exactly like this. I am not a bubbly, girly girl, wanting to be the center of attention, binge drinking, primped up, smiley, chatty girl, I will never be that. I am 22 I have 5 people listed on my cell phone for my "friends". Who are they? My brother, sister, mom, boyfriend, and my boyfriend's friend (he only has my number to ask where my bf is if he cannot get ahold of him). My boyfriend is only my bf because he saw me on a random day after not seeing me for many years and he was the one that asked me for a coffee I never would have done the same asking had it been up to me because I am shy by nature. During high school I was friends with a group but I never really was friends I just did not want to be left out as a loner so I was just "there". I never went to parties or was interested in being the loud one so people would pay attention to me, I was never ever sexually promiscuous to get attention, I kept to myself. I was teased in school for my clothes and how I looked because my family never had a lot of money so I never fit in. From those teasing days I have pretty much just kept to myself not wanting to be out there. And I do like keeping to myself simply due to my personality but I will talk to others just like you if they talk to me.

I am a University student now, no one talks to me in school I have no one to even grab a coffee with during breaks. I do not fancy the social binge drinking party hard lifestyle that soooooo many people our age do....that causes a huge damper and I mean a huge huge one even if you want to have a partial social life because everything with people our age revolves around how messed up you can get this weekend. But I know what it is like to be in your type of shy situation, I know what it is like to be good at your job but that is all people consider you as..."a good worker". The fact is we are shy, and not outgoing. There will be no snapping of the fingers because maybe we simply do not want to become that totally different person we just want some recognition here and there. A hello, a hey want to grab a coffee? This forum has helped me at least have a partial social life if that is what it can really be called. Just someone to write back to every once and awhile without having to become some outgoing chatty person in real life. Nothing needs to be a total life changer, it can just help to vent from time to time knowing that at least one person is going to read what you have to say. They do not need to agree with you or throw a pity party for you, but they will read what you have to say and just remember that you are not alone.

[Ashlee T.]

Despina, you're not the only one on this board with social anxieties. We all could've responded and said "you're right, there's nothing you can do to change this, the people around you are just cruddy people"......but that would not have been the truth. Here, you will find lots of very honest assessments of situations/people...and that's exactly what everyone did when they responded to your post. We all tried to be very honest and blunt with you.....that does not mean people didn't sympathize. If we didn't sympathize we'd have said "Ah...you're situation doesn't sound bad at all, you should be just fine with the way things are". But we realize you're in a tough spot, and thats why you got some very good ,very honest, and very blunt advice to try to help YOU (because YOU are the only factor in this equation you CAN control) make changes. If what you wanted was for people to say what I said above ""you're right, there's nothing you can do to change this, the people around you are just cruddy people" then yes, a forum made strictly of people with social anxieties might have been the best option for you. But here, we're going to tell you how to make your situation better rather than help you wallow in it.

As RCoryeous said, advice given is not to insinuate that you're at fault. We have no vested interest in pointing fingers on here. We simply just want to help you make changes in your life that ARE necessary in order to have the things happen you want to happen.

People should be able to accept me for who I am

Do you accept you for who you are? It doesn't seem so...it seems you're dealing with lots of bitterness, lots of insecurity. It seems you're labeling yourself and identifying yourself based on experiences of your past, etc. But who are you really? Who is the real Despina?

[Despina83]

ItsASecret, thank you for telling your story.

No, I'm not comfortable in my own skin. I hate to even catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror while shopping. I feel like In wish I could wear sunglasses indoors everywhere I go, even at work. For some reason I feel like I'd be a lot more comfortable and maybe more outgoing with my eyes hidden away. Maybe I'm afraid of what people will see in there. I would love to know how to feel more comfortable in front of people. Understand, most of the time I'm reasonably content, but I have some really bad PMS months (like right now, obviously) where I have a day where I can't stop crying about it, feeling like the loneliness is going to drive me mad until I have some sort of breakdown. And when I search for similiar lonely people online, I see things like "single 10 year old girl looking for boy" and "I'm sooo lonely. I have my boyfriend, but.." or there's "I'm soooo lonely. I have a lot of friends nbut no boyfriend." I feel like I'm the only one with no friends AND no boyfriend.

[Ashlee T.]

I feel like I'm the only one with no friends AND no boyfriend.

You're not. It's all about what you choose to focus on. You take it personally because the people around you don't pursue you for friendships.........so should they take it personally that you don't pursue them for friendships? The ONLY way to get more comfortable around people is to put yourself in the situation, to force yourself out of your comfort zone. Perhaps the best time to do that would be when you're not pms'ing. (I can totally identify with bad pms!)

I went through 4 years of college and other than my roomate, I didn't socialize much at all until my junior and senior year. I'd sit in the library and watch all these people coming in and out in groups. Or sit in class and feel like everyone in there knew each other because they were all part of some sorority or fraternity or were bar frequenters on the weekends........except for me. I felt like that odd ball. Finally I decided to join a business association on campus pertaining to my degree. That forced me into social settings with small groups of people and helped me to expand my comfort zone. By the next year, I was president of that organization. That's when it hit me, that all those years I passed up the opportunity to meet, talk with, become acquaintances or friends with SO many people simply because I let my own awkwardness keep me from it. I felt like an outcast all that time, when really all it took was me opening my mouth, being friendly, and MOST of all, working on MYSELF to become the type of person I'd want to be friends with. How can you expect others to flock to you, to like you, to be attracted to you, when you don't like yourself? That was my epiphany, and that changed my life.