[rachelray]

Dear miserable mom
I just wanted to say i know how hard it is and you probably worry what your children will think, but i can tell you from experience this was happening to my mother she married my father when she was only 18 and had five of us kids. We were all young but still understood what was happening at home and i can tell you staying with this man will effect your children. Two out of four of my brothers grew to to be just like my dad although they are going to counseling to try to change. We saw as children how hard life can be. My mother actually feared for her life and didn't work up the courage to leave my father until her early thirty's. three of us were pretty young at the time and were scared and a little hurt when my mother left our dad, but after a while we saw here bruises fade and some of her self confidence come back. till this day me and my brothers are fiercely overprotective of my mother. the way we see it she brought us into this world and we her children can take out anyone who ***ks with her. our mother is our hero ,our mentor. and in our eyes the strongest person alive, because it takes a lot of courage to uproot your children with no one to help and nowhere to go, but she managed anyways. My brothers and I are so proud of my mother and always tell her every chance we get. Don't worry about the past because thats what it is the past. Think about the present about how this will effect your future and you children's future and make a change remember you deserve to be happy to.

[steph*]

hey there miserable mom,
well wow, these past days i seen you have been through a lot! **** you've always been through a lot, well anyways i thought that was a really nice gesture from those gentleman. but it really sucks how you OWN family cant even be a little happy for you... i think the best thing you should do is i mean you really don't have to tell your family whats going on in your life if they cant even support you (regarding your love life) just try to take everything step by step and don't stress to tell you the truth there really just guys you choose to talk or not remember you HAVE A choice! and with your BD he has no right to even be asking you where your at or things like that as long as your kids are OK and your taking good care of them i really don't see the need of him asking you those things i mean its not like hes taking care of them! well just remember to relax and don't get too stressed about these guys your just meeting new people and there is nothing wrong with that! its not like your looking for anything serious yet

[miserable mom]

Hi girls! Well another update, I really like to keep you guys updated on my situation just because of the fact you guys can help me recognize my mistakes. Ok so here it goes well Friday I did not talk to my kids dad at all, he did not call me whatsoever, however on Saturday morning he calls me to talk stuff about why I was not home ( I spent the weekend at my sisters) I just told him stuff like its none of your buisness and things of that sort. He was fired up! He was so ****ed off and I felt pretty good for not feeling guilty at all. This was our conversation:

(ex BD) So whats up?
(me) Nothing why?
(ex BD) So where the **** were you at last night? I know your *** wasn't home all night!
(me) How do you know? Did you go over to my house? Its none of your buisness anyways, what do you want?
(ex BD) I already know your out ******* around, I didn't know I had to make an appointment to come over! I just left your house and you weren't there, so what, you doing bull**** with your sl*t sisters?
(me) whatever what the hell do you want? Did you call just to talk ****?
(ex BD) You know what I dont need you, I'm going to go out and start talking to other ******! I'll find someone better than you!
(me) Go right ahead! Do it! I don't care! That aint nothin new anyways! That will just make it that much easier to get over you!

...I Hung up!

phone rings again,
(me) WHAT????
(ex BD) Anyways I didn't call for you, I called for my kids, when am I going to see my kids? Its not about you and me anymore, I don't give a **** about you anymore!
(me) whatever your so full of **** if you were calling about the kids you would have said something the first time you called. So now you want to all of sudden see them, what you don't have plans with your friends right now? Whatever you'll see them when you want to spend time with them for reals and not use them as an excuse to get to me!
(ex BD) whatever b****! Are you going to come home so I can go over to see my kids?
(me) NO! You'll see them when you see them! I aint ******! You just want me over there so you can kick my ***!
(BD) **** you than! B****!


After that I didn't call him and to be honest I felt nothing, before I would feel this lump in my chest, this scared feeling that I was going to lose him by talking to him that way, than him telling me about other girls, I thought it was going to hurt. But I didn't feel anything, I just had this sense of emptiness, it was just weird I can't explain it!
So later on that evening I went to the bar to go visit my new cute bartending friend, I end up staring there until closing, the bartender guy gave me a ride back to my sisters because I did not have my car. And right around 2:00 a.m who do you think is calling me? My BD blowing up my phone! He called me like 6 times leaving me t3 voicemails. He was just cussing me out for not answering and I know it was driving him crazy!
Ok so when the bartender guy dropped me off my freaking brother was there! He was drunk and I was worried that he was going to trip, so I just gave bartender a hug and right when hes walking back to his car to get in, my brother goes up to him! Asking him whats up? If everythings cool with me? Just being ******!! I got mad I called my brother away from him, after the bartender left I started telling my brother **** that he has no buisness acting like that! I than called bartender on his cell to apoligize for my brothers behavior! Thats when I got the mipression that he was intimidated and I suddenly felt this vibe that he was not interested no more. He didn't say that tho, I just felt this weird feeling! So yeah that was Saturday night Sunday early morning.
Sunday early afternoon my BD calls me just to talk more stuff cause I was not home again and because I did not answer my phone.

Now as of yesterday evening I told my sister about the bartender, and how I just felt that he might not be interested anymore. So later on she when she went to the bar she spoke with him just to see what he thinks of me and this is what he told her; I was a little weird and that she picked up the impression that he wasn't interested anymore!
She told me this when I got to the bar to drop her house key off on my way home. I than spoke with him because when I went inside he called me over to him,

(me) I asked him straight out hey whats your impression of me? I told him so you think I'm weird?
(bartender) No I'm sorry I was just a little ****ed off about your brother.
(me) oh well I got the impression that you lost interest, I'm not sure tho your kind of hard to read.
(bartender) Your a good girl, but what do want out of talking to me?
(me) The only reason I started talking to you was just to get to know you, just meeting new people, I don't want anything serious I just want to have fun.
(bartender) To have fun right? Well yeah thats what I want, give me your number so we can go do something tomorrow, we can kick it.
(me) Well you understand now? I hope you didn't think I wanted to get all serious with you at least so soon.
(bartender) I don't know just call my cell so I can get your number and call you.
(me) Alright well, but I gotta go now,

He than offers to walk me out and when we get outside he just gives me a hug and tells me to call him and to let my number show up.

Later that night I speak with Jason, Jason is getting attached from what I am picking up. He keeps telling me things that lets me know he is trying to still be more serious with me than what I want.

11:00 P.M. BD calls me.

(me) Hello
(BD) whats up
(me) Nothing
(BD) SO you finally home?
(me) yeah why?
(BD) So you gonna tell me whats up with you? Why you've been acting the way you have? I want you tell me.
(me) First of all the reason is because I don't want this no more, you acting the way you do, you treating me the way you treat me, and you never listening! You don't make no effort to change, you put me and the kids second to everything, you can never talk to me normal without calling some type of bad name, so I have realized I don't want this nomore! I don't want to live unhappy! I have realized that you will never change and I am goin to do whatever it is I want to do. You had me where you wanted me, staying home, staying faithful, cooking, cleaning, never goin out with friends, taking care of your kids, forgiving you all the time, kissing your *** when we fight, and you still didn't appreciate me! So now I'm goint to move on and live my life.
(BD) silent
(me) Is that you wanted to hear? Thats how I feel! Do you have anything you want to say?
(BD) Pause....... No I guess thats all I need to know!

We than hung up!

For like an hour I than sat there with just a little part of me wishing things were different. I wanted to cry but I couldn't! I wanted to be angry but I also couldn't. I just feel confused .

[kaylar]

You're doing right.
Save your brother mixing himself into your business,
which is not your fault, but you need to make them
understand you will NEVER go back to BD.

BD can, like any good actor, pretend he changed.
He can fool everyone.
Do not allow him to fool you.

Wean yourself from him.
Get a new cell phone, give the number to people
you want to talk to, not the BD.

Shut off your phone. I do it all the time. The world
doesn't end.

If you told your sister you were at X Bar and she rings
your cell and you don't answer, and it was an emergency,
she calls X Bar.

The world existed before Cells. Yes, amazing isn't it?

BD is between girls right now. If Bimbo One catches his
eye, later for you.

You are doing the right thing. YOu are being strong and
keeping it light.

The Bartender shouldn't be the only platonic friend you
have of the male species. Go somewhere else and find
someone else. So far I think he feels creeped out as
if he's being groomed for BD replacement.

Find a couple of other chaps you can talk to.

A friend of mine got on one of those Internet dating
things, and lots of the chaps would ring her up all
through the day. She was always talking to some
chap, always writing to another; this helped her
through the disasterous breakup with her fiance.

Since there were a dozen guys the interest and
excitement were very good to block feelings of
sorrow about her fiance's abandonment.

Get lots and lots of male friends.

[steph*]

you shouldnt be confused about anything! you are doing such a good job but i kinda now how you feel. i think its just the fact that you've never been that strong to talk to you BD that way and strong enough to leave but now you are and your like wow did i just do that? dont worry your doing a good job and plus i really dont think you wanna go back to how u lived so dont feel bad!!!

[miserable mom]

Another Update

So today and yesterday I have been really depressed. Me and my mom were fighting yesterday and now It just makes me feel really bad. It started Monday night, my mom offered to come to my house to spend the night in case my kids dad showed up, so she comes and we end up going to sleep right away. The next morning when we woke up, my mom started telling me stuff, she had an attitude with me all weekend. Remember how I said my family didn't approve of me talking to different people or going out? Well she just started up talking a lot of stuff to me, how Im going to start neglecting the kids, making comments about what I did to recieve those gifts from those guys, I told here what do you think I would stoop that low that I would just sleep with anybody? She then answered by saying I don't know! But I'm not the only one who thinks so! That hurt it sounded like my mother was trying to make me out to be some wh*re! Than she was just saying other stuff, that Im going to turn into those unfit mothers, just talking sh*t. You know whats weird tho, after that fight with her, I suddenly missed my BD for some reason. Maybe its because whenever I fought with my family, he was the only one there that I had to talk to about it. I felt really bad! I dont know whats come over me? My mom started saying ****** things like Im a mom Im not entitled to go out and have fun! My kids should be my first priority! I agree totally that they must be, but personally the way I see it, if I want to go out every now and then there should be no reason why I can't. I'm not going to be making it an everyday thing, but I work, go to school, and take care of a household. Their my kids, I live in my own house, and pay my own bills, so theres no place for her to talk. Anyways so yeah I suddenly missed my BD. However he hasn't called me since that night I told him how I felt, I feel like I'm having withdrawls or something, one day Im fine, the next Im not. What is wrong with me?

Oh and about Jason and bartender guy, well Jason is still trying to get together with me, hes like giving up on going out and doing what he use to and Im like "dude you don't have to give up anything for me" especially if were not even with each other. He insists tho, I told him look Im not looking to get into a relationship so soon, Im still trying to get over the last one. So I don't know!
Bartender guy is just full of sh*t! He never called or anything, well oh well I don't care! He was cute tho! At least I got roses lol. But yeah I guess he was just bullsh***** wth me! What the hell? Lol I guess I didn't put out quick enough for him.
So yeah thats an update from these past couple of days!

[steph*]

well i read your update yesterday and i really didn't have time to write back but about your mother you are right about her telling you all those mean things because you pay your bills you take care of your kids, your a single mom basically and plus you are responsible! I would understand where your mom would be coming from if she was seeing that you were starting to be irresponsible, but i mean just because you are a mom doesn't mean you cant go out and meet new people and have fun! c'mon you basically went through hell for a while and now you deserve a chance at happiness! I understand how you missed your BD i mean its normal just to be used to have some body there and there aren't there no more you know but hey you loose some to gain some! Don't feel bad bad as long as you know that you're not doing anything bad your just trying to live life! Just take care!

[miserable mom]

I feel really bad now, I have been talking to Jason for about two or three weeks now, and hung out with him 3 times. The last two times nothing happend we just talked. Well anyways I feel like hes getting too attached and I don't want that right now. I have a predictament, I have spoke with my kids dad on occasion since Sunday, and a little part of me still misses him even though he was very abusive. I don't know! Its weird I was fine until now. Anyways I spoke with Jason last night, and he started telling me all these things how he talks about me to everyone, that he likes me a lot, he wants a chance with me, he wants to meet my kids, that he doesn't think he could ever forgive me again if I went back to my kids dad, and that he told me that one of his baby mamas is trying to talk to him again, I guess she's trying to rekindle their relationship. So anyways I didn't know what to say, Im not ready for anything right now, nothing serious and he wants to be serious with me. I have asked him about his baby mama and what the issue was there? He just told me that he told her that Im a friend of his and he really likes me and is interested in starting something with me. He told me I make him feel different, that Im on a pedestal with him and that I am very special to him. What do I do? All this is happening too fast! When I got back in touch with him I only wanted to be friends than I ended up fooling around with him and now this. What did I get myself into? Im still not over my kids dad we had talked about counseling and all that other stuff to deal with his anger. Now Im so confused!!! I don't want to be in a abusive relationship but I don't want to be in another relationship right now either. Do you get what I mean? And I kind of feel bad, I mean if the mother of his kids wants to work things out with him, why wouldn't he want to? He said because he wants things with me but he knows Im not ready for that. Also my children keep asking for their dad, would it be right if by any chance I did get back together with him and we did go to counseling to sort out his issues? I don't know!

[steph*]

hey there well my best advise for you is DONT GO BACK WITH YOUR BD!!! I understand that you miss him I mean how can you not when you've shared a lot with him but to be honest say you do get back together with your BD and you go to counseling and stuff what are the possibilities for him to change? A person like that doesn't change quick and he can start treating you bad again and then you're going to be at the same situation you were in and stuff and plus I mean your not even together with your BD and he talks smack to you!! And about Jason well I mean its not like he's going to force you to go out with him and have a serious relationship with him and if he's doing all those things like telling everyone he likes you then that's his problem I mean he wants to. Hey I guess if he really likes you he will wait until you are ready and if you don't want to be with him at all then your gonna have to break his heart and tell him that you don't feel the same way but no matter what DO NOT GO BACK TO YOUR EX!!!! C'mon you have to be strong! I would prefer to suffer now than to suffer my whole life!!!

[miserable mom]

Hi Steph! Well I have not gotten back with my kids dad (sigh) but we have talked, at this point I just want to do it by myself, I miss the good in my BD and I like my ex as a friend but Im not wanting anything right now with either one. Right now I have another issue that is bothering me, since I got into that argument with my mom, we have not spoke. Now my sisters tell me about little comments she makes about me and sometimes I feel like calling her to tell her stuff but shes my mom and I can't do that. Anyways my sister just told me earlier that my mom had heard some bad news about her health, and now I feel bad because I haven't even spoken with her. Her health has never been too good at all, diabetes, high blood pressure, one kidney, and recently a fractured disk. Now Im hearing that the pills she was given is only making her health worse and she was put back on insulin and she has to watch herself because she is at high risk of having a heart attack or stroke. She told my sister that shes got her own problems now and that shes not going to be worrying about us anymore. I felt bad about that comment but I understand completely.. So yeah thats my new issue that has been bothering me, these guys are nothing compared to that right now. My bd well I don't even want to get into that right now, Jason we still talk and things are still the same, but I have put a limit on how many times I call him and things of that sort.. We have not fooled around again at all. Anyways thanks steph for your response, and I will take in your advice.