[kaylar]

Right now, move away from the computer, find a
quiet reflective corner, and figure out exactly why
you allowed the father of your children to take
you from this man.

Your boyfriend from 15; (you did give a name so I'll call him B
as opposed to children's father, F)
why did you break up?

You need to explore that top to bottom.

It could be that F came along and swept you away and
things happened because you were so young.

This is why I am the leading proponent of girls not getting
involved until they are over 18; because what makes sense
when you are 14 is idiotic when you look back at 24.

Many girls at 15 leave excellent boys for some flash in the pan
guy who they don't know. this might be what happened to you.

Still; a little time is necessary because rebound love is the
worst. Make sure you aren't rebounding.

[miserable mom]

Hi Steph, hi Kaylar, well to answer your question Steph no he is not in any relationship, and as for my kids dad well he is psycho. Kaylar well I was 15 I was just young and at that time I had met my kids dad and he was different back then. I'm not sure what made me break up with the boyfriend I had I guess I really didn't expect to get tied down with my kids father. But I'm not trying to rebound or anything like that, I know right now I'm still in a vulnerable phase and I don't want to jump to anything I might regret later. His name is Jason, well to be honest when I was with him he had gotten into some trouble and had to do 6 months in jail. I met my kids father when he was in jail. He would call me when he could, we wrote each other everyday, I must have had over a hundred and some letters from him. I don't have them anymore but he still has all the letters I wrote him and thats why when I talked to him I told him to read me some. I don't know I just think hes a nice guy and I'm not looking to be no more than friends at this point, I just like talking to him, I really enjoyed laughing and catching up. He's two almost three years older than me and he has 3 kids himself, but he is not with the mother, from what I hear she has her own life with another boyfriend and he has his kids a lot.
I kind of worry a little about talking to him, I'm afraid if my kids dad finds out he would seriously hurt me or do something worse. Thats why I'm kind of hesistant to talk to anybody. Is this fast to be talking to someone else?

[kaylar]

One of my best friends had the exact same experience.

Joe was in jail for a fight, and she went to visit him
with his best friend, Mac. Well, she got involved with
Mac, and when Joe came out, it was over.

But Mac was a real opportunist, and Dee wound up
married to him.

If Joe had never gotten into trouble, she'd have never
noticed Mac.

Her relationship with Mac ended very badly.

I don't see the problem in rekindling the relationship with
Jason. Clearly, if it had been a fair choice, you might
have picked Jason.

[steph*]

well if your ex is a psycho and your afraid he might do something to you i suggest you just pull a restraining order so he wont get near you and put him on child support because i say you should leave him FOR GOOD! i know you already did but why not just let go completely? I know its pretty scary to get the law involved but wouldn't you feel safer?and i think its OK for you to be talking to someone else i mean hes just your friend and plus you are going through very hard times and you need as much support right now and to get away from certain things you know, so i really don't think its bad .

[JubesInquest]

Miserablemom,

Have you gone to get counseling after coming out of such a terrible relationship?
You need to work through all that has happened.


It's good that you have friends to talk to; you've been isolated for a long time.

I'd like to see you get some therapy on this before you start dating. I also want you to remember this:


Your babies' daddy is just that : your BABIES' DADDY-- he's not YOUR daddy!!

[miserable mom]

I feel like I've done something wrong

Well I think I did something I shouldn't have done, this past Friday I had went out with some girlfriends, later on in the night I had met up with my ex and we hung out for a while. Well by then I was a little tipsy from drinking and one thing led to another with him. We didn't exactly have sex, we fooled around a bit. Afterwards I just had this sense of guilt in me. And to make things even worse the following day my baby daddy shows up at my house. First we argued and he started saying how he had this weird feeling around me, then after a while he started tellling me things like he loves me and I'm his, and hes not going to share me with anyone. Just things like that. Now I don't know what is going in my head right now, I'm not taking in what he says seriously but a little part of me wished he was. Anyways back to the other night, now I feel worried, we didn't go all the way, we kissed, and he did other things but we didn't have sex. However I am a very cautious person, I was wearing a skirt and things got a little heavy and he took his thing out and was about to put it in, but I than told him to stop and he did. I'm just worried he did have contact with me down there. I am not aware of his sexual history so now I'm all concerned with STD's and stuff like that. I just got checked out two weeks ago and everything came back normal. Is it possible to catch something that way? And also did I do something very wrong? Cause I feel like I did. I had promised myself that I wasn't going to let this happen, but it did and now I feel really weird about it. Advice please girls.

[kaylar]

Inevitable


Most of us, who've been following your posts, felt
that it was inevitable for something to happen between
you and your ex.

YOu were drinking because you wanted NOT to take
responsibility for it happening.

If you could just go away for awhile, alone, to think
things through. That's what I suggested in a past
post. You have to sit and consider. You can't let
events rule you.

Think about what you want. Someone could love you
that you don't love. Someone could want you, that
you don't want.

You have to figure out what you want.

[miserable mom]

I understand what your saying Kaylar, the whole rest of the weekend I have been thinking about everything, the whole situation. I am very confused I admit that. Now I've added more stress to my situation, I don't know what I should do about anything. Here I have my kids dad that is abusive and is telling me things that he knows I like to hear, however I just feel like I can't go back to that anymore. On the other hand I have my ex making me laugh, talking to me normal, telling me he wants a chance to move things forward with me, and I don't know what is that I'm going to do. My intentions were to be friends with him and not let anything happen. However after I got drunk with my friends than end up seeing him later on, I just got caught up in the moment and let things happen. Now I feel stupid all over again. What got me even more was just my ex saying that he felt weird around me its like he sensed something had happend, however I'm not going to tell him. He would have went crazy especially knowing who I did things with. My mind is soooooo screwed up right now.

[kaylar]

Your 'ex' has no rights to you. It is over.
You have to move on.

Abusive men don't understand words, they
understand sentences.

You have to make it clear it is over, and get
a restraining order, or move, or do something,
because in your case it is a situation in which
this is 'mine', I don't want it, but no one can
have it.

If I understand your posts correctly, you are in
the same situation that Dee was. She never had
the chance to 'compare' Joe and Mac. Joe was in
jail. Mac was there. Hence, she made a mistake.

Joe was not a bad sort. He got into a fight. It
could have gone either way, but Joe was stronger.

So Joe went to prison.
Maybe if he had a better lawyer, maybe if the case
was presented better, he'd of gotten a suspended
sentence. But he went to jail and became a jailbird
where Mac hadn't.

It took Dee many years to realise that if Joe had
not gone to prison there would never be a Mac.

It might be the same in your case. It might be
that your ex was the interruption in your life.

[miserable mom]

It's funny you say that Kaylar, my ex Jason was just telling me the same thing the other day. He said that if he would have never got locked up I would probably have never met my kids dad, only cause I was with him everyday. He makes little remarks like my oldest child should have been his, and things like that. I can't help but wonder the same thing. Its just weird how after all these years I came in contact with him. He tells me things like you know I'm going to steal you back away from your kids dad the way he stole you away from me. Funny thinking about it that way. I just don't know what to do, I'm not exactly sure if thats what I want. I think I need time to myself before getting into another relationship. As for my kids dad, hes again with his promises, and I love you's. Yet I'm so use to it I don't feel nothing when he says it besides hurt and anger. How do I handle this situation, I've already gave my ex a reason to think something might progress, yet I'm not sure If I'm ready for that. My baby daddy doesn't want to accept the fact that I can't be with him the way ihe is anymore. What the hell do I do? Since talking to Jason I have been thinking what if? Than I think aobut my kids dad and think what if? What if Jason is right for me? What if along the line my kids dad does get help? What if? But than reality sinks in and I'm back to square one just wondering and wishing.