[kaylar]

If you could just get away, by yourself for a little while.
Even if you could send the kids somewhere to sleep over
and go to some little room to simply think.

That's all you have to do.

Think it through. Go back to when you and Jason
were together, and look for all his faults. Recall how
you felt then. Exactly. Don't pretty it up.

It may very well be that if Jason hadn't gone away
the children would be his.

Anyway, what is Jason doing now, job? home situation?
what? Investigate yourself. You need to know for sure
where he is at in his life.

You don't want to make an error and you don't have to.

Very often a man says he lives at 123 Green Street
and he doesn't, but you never know until it is too late.

Often a man says he lives alone, and he doesn't but
you never know until it is devastating.

Prove what Jason has told you as true, so that you
can have a good assessment of the situation.

[miserable mom]

Thats another thing, I'm not sure everything he is doing with his life, plus he has kids himself so I don't know the whole situation with his baby mama's. He has two from what I hear, I misunderstood him before. His two oldest are from one and he has a two year old from the other. Baby mama #1 crackhead, has boyfriend, does her own thing, baby mama#2 took all his stuff when he was in jail again for like the third time, and left him. He has a court order to see his daughter. Thing is thinking about that he has been in and out of jail since weve broke up from what I hear. Thats not good!! lol. Considering the fact that I'm getting a Bachelors in Criminal Justice. But than being with my kids father is not a good choice either, that would be hypocritical of me to offer help and advice to women that are in abusive relationships before helping myself. So both guys have flaws. Jason's a nice person and hes cool to talk to but I'm not sure if he's Mr. Right either. Now thinking about the situation really hard while I'm typing, I think I should just be single and see what god gives me. Any advice on what I can tell the both of them, I'd really like to stay friends with my ex, my kids dad I would really hope to be on good terms with him, but I don't see that happening. How can I handle this in a mature way?

[kaylar]

You got the answer.
The two together don't equal one.
Best thing is to go it single and see what
life has for you.

[steph*]

wow I just read what was going on with you since the last time I wrote to you.. WOW i really just think you should just be single and tell your ex what you are feeling. Im pretty sure he should be able to understand I mean:
"A GUY ONLY GOES AS FAR AS A GIRL LETS HIM"
thats what my grandma always says and i really think its so true! I think you just give yourself time and take things slowly you dont have to rush you have plenty of time to choose what man is perfect for you! and with your ex yeah it is pretty bad he has been in jail lots of times, why did his exs leave him? has he told you?

[miserable mom]

Hi Steph, well he didn't exactly tell me why they broke up, he just said that they were psycho lol. I don't know what he really meant by that, he said his first one was too much drama, and the second one well he said he didn't really want to be with her, that he just did because she was having a baby from him, and I guess things were already over with his first baby mama. The second one he said was suicidal all the time, and that he stuck with her mainly because she was always trying to cut herself. Yet when he got locked up the last time, he said she went baserk and took all his things, his jewlery, clothes, furniture, and just left. So I'm not sure what happend there. So yeah he probably has baby mama drama to. **** it! I don't know what I got myself into. As for what I did with my ex, I am still very worried right now. So is it possible to catch something that way? Nobody ever answered my question. I regret it now, I was drunk, he looked cute, I was very vulnerable and I gave in. Now I feel stupid.

[steph*]

well to answer your question well it actually depends on what happend.. did he have very close contact with you down there? here is some information i got for you in this website:
"Most STDs are only spread through direct sexual contact with an infected person. However, pubic lice and scabies can be spread through close personal contact with an infected person, or with infested clothes, sheets, or towels"
i dont know if that might help but dont worry just go get checked again. do you have any doubts he might have something? well just dont stress just as long as you go to the doctor asap and everything will be fine. and dont feel dumb it happens to people plus you hadnt had a good time ina while so dont worry

[miserable mom]

Thanks Steph, I really appreciate it I guess its just all in my head mostly. I spoke with him and asked him a little bit about his sexual history and told him I was a little concerned. He told me had nothing and that he would even go to the doctors and show me the results lol. Yeah hes really a smart ***!! But I really appreciate it a lot, I am too cautious about stuff like that ever since my kids dad gave me clamydia back in the day.

[AngelicBunny]

Thank you again for you responses, I guess Kaylar I was just upset and didn't really think about the terminology you used and why you meant it like that. And to Ronnie thank you for your kind words, no I have not took him back, I haven't even spoke with him. We have our children and I figure that if wants to see them he knows where there at and he can call me to arrange something. I am feeling a little better today than I was yesterday. I will be honest many times in the past I did take him back, only because because hes the only guy Ive really been with. He was my first, we have children together, we stuck it through all this time. But now I feel things are different, I have realized that I don't want this anymore, especially since I know he could never change. The time he gave me an STD I was only 17 and had found out while I was in the hospital about to have his son. I was so hurt, and I felt so lost, I broke up with him again during that time, but this was the first time he cheated and I just had a baby, a premature baby at that, that was hospitalized. The added stress took a toll on me. Now I sometimes wish I would have just left him than for good, but than I would never have my babygirl who is my youngest out of my kids. When he calls me from block he tells me its because he doesn't want me knowing his friends numbers, basically he uses the excuse because a few months ago, I use to call his friends phone to get a hold of him because he was always with him. He says he doesn't trust me and thinks I just want to talk to his friends, only because a few times I called he was not with his friend and me and his friend talked a little bit. Not flirting or nothing just small talk. Anyways since then he blocks the numbers. So anyways I had my mom stay with me last night, and she will be staying with me for the rest of the week. That would make a lot easier to ignore him, because he wont show up with my mother there, he doesn't get along with my mother anymore. And yeah there are times where he can be good, we don't fight or argue, he will hold me and tell me things like I love you and I'm beautiful. The only thing is when hes out and I'm home, when hes blaming me for him being upset, when hes accusing me of cheating, I just realized I cant take it anymore. I don't even have that many friends, alot of my old friendships are gone because of him, he is so jelous, controlling, I can't even go out with anyone to have a good time without him getting mad about it so I've learned to not do it. But I'm just miserable with him.

The part where you said about being told about the STD when you wer egonna have your son... I think I can imagine what it must've felt like... I would've cried... having given yourself to this man - the only man you had ever loved and you get a sexual disease because another woman... and then you're having this mans baby... a result of love... something that should make you happy... but you can't because you've found out he's cheated... I would've broken down... I'm weak... very weak.

I think I wouldn't have been as strong as you. I would've let him abuse me, because I love him. I would've bottled everything up, and let it all out when he wasn't there... gosh I was almost in tears just imagining it! I wouldn't be able to leave him... my first... and I don't have many friends anyway, I just never got along with them. So I would only have him, and couldn't make new friends because I find it hard to talk to new people and make friends. You have been very brave, and I admire you for this. I hope you don't suffer anymore, and enjoy your life with your children.

And remember, you have your family and if you have them, your friends too who will support you. No matter what.

(I'm still young, so I can't really help much... as I haven't had much experience with life itself yet ^^

[miserable mom]

Thanks AngelicBunny! Your sweet to say those nice things. So as of where my bummed out life is today, well yesterday evening my sister asked me to help her bartend. Shes a bartender, so I go considering the fact that I need money for my bills at this point and my baby daddy is acting stupid. So I go in, but everything is really slow, I am honestly scared **** that my baby daddy is going to find out I'm there and come kicking my *$$. What the hell? I feel like no matter what, sometimes I feel like hes still in control. Thats so messed up! I did go though, and one of the other bartenders was hitting on me, and asked me to go out with him. Everything feels so weird, I don't know how to handle the situation. I'm so used to being sheltered, I don't know how to handle men. I get too caught up in the attention I'm recieving that my mind goes blank. I'm not ready for dating around with different guys, in fact I don't really want any guy at this point, yet things are just moving too **** fast. My ex is trying to hook up with me, and I know that I don't want that right now, my baby daddy ex still acts like if I with him, and I have this other guy practically begging me to go on a date with him. I feel stupid, I don't know what to say to any of them. My kids dad is the most difficult one to deal with, he calls me to see if I'm home so he can ask to stop by, he talks crap about anything and everything as If I'm still with him. Funny thing is he acts like we never broke up, popping at my house, calling me, checking in to let me know what hes doing, just things like boyfriends do, when he sees me he hugs me and kisses me. Now hes getting me all twisted up! Yesterday he calls me while I'm at the bar and I didn't tell him I was there, but he got all mad because I was not home saying he wanted to go to my house. Than he starts trying to give me a lecture on how he doens't like me being out late, and things of that sort. Last he gets mad and starts saying things like if I'm not going to listen to him than I should bother not asking him for anything (moneywise). That *$$hole he has a few thousands I'm sure, and here I am struggling with bills and our 3 kids. What the ****! I'm very annoyed at this point. Just some words to help me clear my head please!!!

[AngelicBunny]

hmm... I dunno all the details, and I'm not asking to know but does this man know that you don't want to be with him? & that you don't want him kissing you? I'm too tired to think properly right now ^^; The money thing, well if he really loved his kids, he should want to give money to help them, right? It shouldn't be all 'if you do that' etc, it should be for the kids.