[notbroken]

it was as if something finally clicked in my head and I realized, you are being abused this is not your fault.

I expected a bad reaction because I did research emotional abuse before I told him. he laughed and said I was stupid, research? i thought he would silent treatment me and me out for a little but, not these horrible threats against my character.

this is such a hard feeling to deal with, I feel so betrayed, hurt, sad, broken. he really got in my head.

I only hope he seeks professional help because there most certainly is some disorder going on there. you know what's funny? my mom and best friend pointed it out almost immediately and I continued to play along in his game. and is it sick of me to think that I still feel bad for him??

[secret0524]

That guy doesn't seem to truly respect you in any way. If he did, why would he call you stupid and mean it? Why would he do things to hurt you in many different ways? Had he cared, he would be your rescuer, your guide when you're in need.
When you come upon those realizations, of course it hurts but once you get through the stage, you'll be ready to move onto other important parts of your life. Betrayal is a stab in the back with a knife but those wounds heal over time, long as it's not deep enough to severely depress someone (in those cases professional help may be needed)

But No.... it's natural I think for every nice woman like you. It's part of the "humane" characteristics for people, feeling sympathy for others even when they're so vile and cruel. Yet, you wouldn't be sick not caring a cent about that guy either because he hurt you deeply.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

but why the threats? the name calling? inability to connect to people emotionally? just walking out of persons life so rapidly with so much anger? I have been nothing but honest and nice with this man. accommodating and being there to work things out when they get weird.

Welcome not broken, kind of feel proud of you already just for starting here with that name

Lost soul comes to mind coupled with "user" as aposed to abuser, however, having said that verbal abuse is abusing and he certainly is doing that...So what I mean there is he is just going with life, no ambitions no reason, he uses people doesn't care if he gets them pregnant. He goes against the law, doesn't matter if he goes to gaol, he probably is using drugs, soft or hard as to the weight loss....

When we accept this type of person in our lives, often it's because we think we can help them, you know? But 5 years, and this type of behaviour brings you down, down, down, yourself, that you believe almost what he is saying about you, to you and so, 5 years there are feelings, you try to find a way through to him.

It's not possible, because he is a user and an abuser and he owns you....He doesn't anymore

Welcome to the new you sweet.

Threats are to scare you and they are also out of "anger" he obviously has anger management problems.... It's easy to walk if he can't control you, he can find someone else. This person is incapable of loving maybe he was never loved as a child.

You CANNOT save someone, being nice and honest to try to get him to love you and love full stop, it hasnt worked he needs help but more than likely he will never get it, he is walking around life as if, he is just a body and he owns everything and everyone.

Try to forget him as hard as that is, recognise it all as for what it is and say to yourself, oh I see, see him for what and who he is, know you deserve better, start healing and don't allow him in your life ever again....

Please.

CW

[spurzzz]

we have great chemistry and share similar, random interests

Please do me a favour and stick this on your wall so that you can read it everytime he abuses you. Do it, I guarantee you will not need a shredder when you fly towards it in rage. It is time to WAKE UP and smell the sweet roses.

Us lot telling you to leave him is not going to help you as you will end up going back anyway ---- unless you get help. The momentary strength that you gain here will soon be subsided with the adrenaline rush of his phonecall (which you will be looking out for everyday) and the tingles that fill your body everytime this person talks will overtake all logical reasoning. The constant thinking and worrying about what he is doing, the anticipation of his next move, the thrill of shouting at each other, the co-dependancy, the lie you tell yourself when you say you want to change him for good rather than for personal benefits.

Ever burnt yourself on a hot stove or oven? The next time more people would be wearing oven mitts having learned their lesson.....you will not be, you constantly burn yourself and never learn the lesson.

Your ego also gets bruised everytime he leaves you high and dry feeling like an empty hole with no end in sight. So you go back subconsciously everytime to try and rectify and lessen the beating that your ego has taken. You MUST help this guy to find peace within yourself and prove your self-worth you tell yourself! BUT spurzzz when it's good its soo good we are just incredible, so close, so emotionally connected, I know he loves me but he just needs help!! Ye?

No point in trying to figure him out or label him, I could think of a 100 things to label him with, probably Bi-Polar or BPD as his behaviour is text book. You need to more importantly look at what is wrong with you, question yourself and think why you keep going back to him, why do you keep touching the hot stove without oven mitts? Seriously......ask yourself now.

If you want to recover and get rid of this burden in your life you must look within and dig deep to find the strength needed to make the effort of moving on. Research the problems of being in a toxic relationship, research Bi-polar and the problems it can cause for someone who is involved with someone with it and look to find inspiration from the many self-help books that are out there, as well as meet-up groups who are specialised in dealing with mentally abused people.

It is in the end a battle of the mind. He has hacked into your brain and distorted it's rational thinking, now you must understand why and bring yourself back. And don't make the grave mistake of trying to help him, he must seek that himself and want it......It is time for you to walk away completely and help yourself.

[notbroken]

is it normal to feel like I may have made a mistake and should have kept my mouth shut? and that my effort to help him was just poorly brought about? I'm having an extremely hard time handling the "he probably never cared about you" feeling. I keep going back to the but he did this and he always sayid this. I feel like today is the day I might cry, yesterday it was more of an anxiety worry feeling.

I found a grat site about victims of emotional abuse and I'm going to call them and see about joining a group. I'm so hurt and I can't do this alone.

[miffed23]

I really am having a hard time understanding why you're feeling like you are (this is a first for me and I dont like it )

Do you not feel better that he isn't constantly putting you down? I was brainwashed into thinking that it was my fault too, I almost got to the point of no self worth. I was as low as you too but when I left, I felt fabulous to an extent... I cant help but feel like you are possibly still contacting him? Please correct me if I am wrong.

Its great that you've found a site about victims of emotional abuse, it shows that you are aware that you are indeed a victim. I believe that they will tell you the same thing, stay away. The doubt that youre feeling is normal, but it wont last long, you cannot help him, dont try to, if he wishes to get help, he should do it professionally. But there is no point in mentioning this to him because he is not ready to believe that it is him that has the problem.

[spurzzz]

Its great that you've found a site about victims of emotional abuse, it shows that you are aware that you are indeed a victim

Yep, the first step to getting help and wanting it. well done notbroken.

Be strong, you are not the first person to feel like you are and certainly not the last....there is great help out there and great friends who will get you through it. If you need to talk, we are all here for you too. Block all contact with him and change anything he has a hold of.....do not think about looking back out of curiosity......it is time to move on.

[notbroken]

I'm not contacting him because he really scared me with the reaction. I'm more upset about the insane reaction he had, it ended pretty bad. normally with the cycle I walk away calmly and let him chill out, this time he flipped out on me when I was trying to maintain my cool. he twisted things to make it seem I'm the crazy one.

in the past when I was free of him, I would feel fantastic and back to my old self. then he woukdnsweep back in things would be awesome for a period of time and then he brings me down. he has a habit of being my best friend, making plans to spend more time together and get me all excited but then refuse to follow through with the face to face plans. (he is great at facebooking, texting and calling) he knows these things make me upset so he turns it into me being too sensitive and emotional and that he is just really busy. when I further discuss how much it upsets me he turns it around that I want more out this that he can give which is not the case at all.

I told him it's a pretty black and white situation ,either we see hang out with each other or we don't, I can't keep up with the ups and downs, it's draining me. again I was a pyscho that was obsessed with him. he always told me I was the one he opened up to the most, I started to trust himmand open upnto him more but when I did he became pretty distant and sometimes use what I said to his advantage against me, like you need time to heal after my dog died. like really? no I just needed someone to talk to because my dog of 17 years just died.

I am normally a very positive, upbeat and active person and when we come back to each other he knows this so I don't know where the I'm so emotional accusations are coming from which then lead me to apologizing for things to make him feel better. he has this weird ability to get me all excited and then shoot me down turning it all into my problem. like a constant test and I fail every time.

[notbroken]

I've been replaying the bad things he has done to help me today. he was supposed to go to my best friends wedding with me and cancelled two hours before he was to pick me up saying it didn't feel right and he is really sorry, telling me he gAve me plenty of time to find someone else to take, me devastated and not enjoying my best friends wedding. inviting me to a wedding two days before after nit talking to me for a few months telling me if I just got over it he would have given me the night of my life. he took me out after he did go to the wedding and all was all over me when I told him I wasn't going to sleep with him, he withdrew. we had plans to meet up after work one night and he never called to make plans so I made plans with other friends, he called and said meet here now so of course I went I was in the area, I brouht my friends and he said I thought I made it clear for you just to come and then he said it's these things I do is the reason we can never date. it was always on his time and he knew I would cancel and jump to him for anyone because who knew the next time I would actually get to spend real time with him.

[notbroken]

He also told me once I embarrassed him in front of his friends and that was unforgivable and he would never speak to me again. he did actually talk to me again. I never embarrassed him in front of his friends and he thinks I talk badly about him to them. he gets really paranoid which makes me believe he knows exactly what he is doing and knows he has a problem, right? maybe no one actually confronted him about it?

this time he said you can all go bad about me, I don't need any of you anyway.